


Dan and Phil Live: Sims 4

by Bookqueen897



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Gen, KickThePj - Freeform, Sim World, The Sims 4, danisnotonfire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-09-08 20:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8859712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookqueen897/pseuds/Bookqueen897
Summary: When Dan and Phil agreed to test out EA's experimental new Sims machine, they should've known something was going to go wrong. They are Dan and Phil after all! However they never imagined that they'd actually be transferred into the Sims 4. It never crossed their minds that they'd be stuck there, with Dan's phone as their only way to contact PJ and the real world. They didn't think that there might be more to their Sim than what they had always just assumed and imagined. But that all changes when they kinda mess up and totally get sucked into the game and have to meet Dil and...I'm getting ahead of myself now. ENJOY!





	1. Prologue: THE SIM-EMULATOR

"Helloooooooo Dan and Phil Games Clones!"

  
Dan turned to his best friend, Phil, with a look of exasperated annoyance. "For the last time Phil, they are not clones!"

  
"I knoooow," Phil whined, disappointed. However he almost instantly went back to his hopeful, energetic smile."But isn't it sort of like having a clone! I mean, they'll look like us and have our personalities."

  
"Oh, so it's basically just two virtual identity thieves!" Dan rolled his eyes and Phil shrugged before they turned back to the camera. "So for those of you who are confused, which is probably all of you, EA asked us to test their newest game development product for the latest Sims update. And ever since Phil asked them if we could use the image of our sim, Dil, for our stage show...well apparently we've gotten quite a reputation at EA. So they asked if we'd be interested in testing their latest sim designing technology, called-"

  
"THE SIM-EMULATOR! MWUAH-HA-HA!" Phil's eyes widened dramatically as Dan started laughing.

  
"Nooooooooo Phil! That's not what it's called!" Dan's voice increased in pitch as Phil pouted.

  
"But it should be!" Phil whined.

  
Dan sighed dramatically again, and turned to the camera. "It's called the 'Homo-Sim-pien Computer-Aided Designer.'"

  
"Hey! That's a pun as well!" Phil started cheering, and after a moment Dan just started laughing at him.

  
"Oh whatever Phil, it was their pun!" Phil slumped in his seat.

  
"Okaaaay." The pair turned back to the camera, smiling.

  
"Alright, let's get Sim-ified!" Dan smirked as the pair snapped their fingers, and turned off the camera.

  
"Okay, so now we need to get the other camera set up in front of the designing thing." Dan said, standing up. Phil took a sip from his coffee and turned towards his friend, who was walking out the door.

  
"So how does this work?" He called to Dan's retreating figure. "Did they send instructions or are we just going to press random buttons and figure it out?" Dan walked back in and just stared at his friend, his eyes saying "don't be an idiot." Phil just started laughing, causing Dan's smile to crack, and get him to smile.

  
"Phil...." he stopped for a moment and just rolled his eyes. "I just...whatever. Come check." The pair walked to their lounge, where the giant device was stationed.

  
It was a large metal pad with wires descending from metal rods, secured to a larger rod in the middle of the device. Two wires spouted from the bottom of the machine, one blue wire connected to an control pad in front of the machine, and a long black wire that connected to the boys' PC, housing Dil. Two giant beefy EA guys had been working on it for a while, but left as soon as it was set up, leaving the instructions somewhere.

  
Phil stopped short in the doorway as Dan started setting up their second camera so they'd both fit in the shot with most of the machine.

  
"Dan this is massive!" Phil cried, and Dan nodded.

  
"Well of course it is, have you seen us? We're tall as shit, Phil."

  
"Well yeah, but we don't need this much room!"

  
"But someone else probably will. This isn't a personalized device, Phil! It's just a prototype or something." Phil shrugged slightly as Dan finished setting the camera up. "Okay, now where's the instructions?" He asked, as Phil hopped onto the couch.

  
"I think it's in the box." He pointed to medium sized cardboard box as he started scrolling on his phone. Dan walked over to it, and opened the box.

  
"OH YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" He cried, causing Phil to look up.

  
"What?"

  
Dan started to lift this gigantic book out of the box, or struggled to lift it.

  
"Holy mother of fuck this is so HEAVY! Do we need to read this whole thing?" He dropped it with a loud _THUD_ on the foot of the couch, and the pair looked worriedly at it.

  
"Oh my god! I hope not, we wouldn't be able to get the video out in time if we have to read this entire thing!" Phil's eyes went really wide with fear, and Dan sighed.

  
"Well let's see what the deal with this is."

  
"Oh wait!" Phil cried before Dan opened it again, and turned his phone camera on and pointed it at himself.

  
"So, some people came and set up our Homo-Sim-whatever thing, but look what Dan just pulled out of the box." He turned the camera back to Dan and the gigantic instruction manual. "THIS IS MASSIVE!" Phil whined, zooming in and out on the book.

  
"Yeah I have no idea how we're going to be able to get through this in a timely manner." Dan interjected and Phil turned the camera towards him.

  
"So....as you used to have to read large packets of paper when you were trying to be a lawyer, you think you can handle this?"

  
"Oh gee thanks Mr. I-Finished-University-as-a-Literature-Graduate. Put all the work on the uni-dropout." Phil started to laugh.

  
"Well...will you?" Dan dramatically rolled his eyes and plopped on the couch.

  
"You're going to take over at some point though!" He glared with little malice in his eyes.

  
"Alright," Phil resigned and turned the camera back on himself. "Let's do this! Woo!" He cheered at the camera before he stopped recording, and started to move the other camera.

  
"Wide shot?" Dan asked.

  
"Figured we can speed it up for later or something to prove we read this thing." Dan shrugged, and opened the manual as Phil finished setting up the camera.  
"Oh Phil! Look at this!" Dan cried, causing Phil to almost drop the camera.

  
"What is it?" He asked after making sure it was steady. He plopped down next to Dan, who almost immediately shoved the heavy book in his face.

  
"The instructions are just the first few pages, along with our waivers. The rest of this is just possible side effects!" Dan said, hurriedly.

  
"Well is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Phil asked, rather unsure. Dan shrugged but smiled.

  
"I think it means less reading unless something goes wrong. And it means that this quick edit can be shorter than anticipated."

  
"Well I guess that's good!" Phil smiled before getting up. "Hey, I'm gonna make some coffee. You want anything?" He asked as Dan started reading the book again, this time with a little more enthusiasm.

  
"Hot Chocolate please!"

  
About ten minutes later, the pair were signing their names and getting ready to set up the machine. Phil had just turned on the camera when a thought occurred to him.

  
"Hey, should we call someone to come over here just in case something goes wrong?" Phil asked Dan, who had finished signing.

  
Dan paused, staring at the camera. "That would be the smart thing to do, wouldn't it?"

  
The pair stood there debating it internally. "I'll just text PJ to tell him that if he doesn't hear from us by 6, then he needs to come over or something." Dan decided.

  
"Okay!" Dan left to grab his phone, which he left on the kitchen counter, so he could text PJ as Phil looked at the giant book. "I wonder." He turned to a random page and started reading.

  
" _In some rare cases, it's been assumed that the test subject accidentally got trapped in a comatose state. Sometimes they woke up, but sometimes it became indefinite._ WAIT WHAT?" Phil shouted.

  
"Wait what what?" Dan asked, finally returning.

  
"Dan we could get comas from doing this!" Dan rolled his eyes and grabbed the manual.

  
"It also says we could possibly be sucked into the Sims world but it's never happened before. Phil, it'll be fine. They wouldn't have sent it to us if it wasn't safe enough. Also, you don’t get a coma, you fall into a coma." Dan said in his sassy voice as he started to turn back to the instructions for the machine.

  
"But Dan, why would it still be listed if it wasn't fixed? I don't feel that comfortable with this anymore!" Phil's eyes got really big, and Dan placed his hands on his shoulders.

  
"It'll be fine, I promise. Besides, we already signed contracts and waivers. Now let's go make a Dan sim and a Phil sim!" Phil contemplated this for a little while before eventually noticeably relaxing.

  
"Alright Dan! Let's do it!" The pair approached the machine, the instructions in hand.

  
"I'll start it up," Dan clarified, his voice stern. "Knowing you, you'd actually destroy the Internet if you tried."

  
"Hey! That's unfair! I haven't actually broken anything....yet." Phil pouted, but allowed Dan to take over the controls anyway.

  
"Okay, so far so good, now we have to hook up all those wires to us."

  
"Alright Dan! Hook me up!" Dan stopped untangling the wires hanging off the machine and just stared at Phil with a his "did-you-really-just-say-that" look on his face. "What?" Phil laughed and then weakly reiterated, "Hook me up to the wires."

  
Dan sighed, "Let's just get this over with. I mean," he smiled at the camera and made his voice more energized. "Let's do this thing!"

  
A few moments later though, Dan started complaining again. "HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO THIS? These wires are so impossible!"

  
Phil, who had managed to get himself really tangled in the wires cried "I need help!"

  
"Oh you need help? What about me!" Dan retorted when Dan's phone started ringing. "Oh great! Perfect! That's exactly what we need right now." He groaned sarcastically. However he quickly came to a new realization. "Actually having another person here would be pretty useful right now. Phil can you grab the phone?"

  
"I think I can just reach it. Hold on." Phil untangled himself just enough that he could quickly press the answer button before it went to voicemail.

  
"Hello?" Phil yelled, but neither of them could hear what the person was saying.

  
"Phil! Jesus, put it on speaker!"

  
"Oh yeah, that would help wouldn't it?" He leaned over again, and actually was able to pick up the phone. He pressed the speaker and heard PJ's frantic voice on the other end.

  
"Guys? Guys! Can you hear me?" He yelled.

  
"Yeah we can now. What's up? You sound so frantic?" Dan asked panicky.

  
"Look, I need you to stop everything and step away from that machine. Do not turn it on! I'll be there in ten minutes!"

  
"Ummmmm-"

  
"What would happen if we told you take we already turned on the machine and are currently trapped in the wires?"' Phil interrupted as Dan started to look like he was going to faint. "Dan, you okay?"

  
"YOU TWO NEED TO GET OUT OF THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! AND-wait, are you holding the phone Phil?" PJ asked, cutting himself off.

  
"Y-yes?" Phil answered as a spark jumped out of the phone. "AH!"

  
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" Dan screeched as a few more sparks shot out, surrounding the pair. The wires sprang to life, and Dan and Phil felt a rather surreal sensation crawl up and down their bodies, almost as if they would turn to mush at any second.

  
"DAN! WHAT'S GOING ON?" Phil cried as Dan shrieked, "I DON'T KNOW!"

  
"Guys? GUYS! I'M ALMOST THERE! STAY CALM I'M-" PJ's voice was cut out as the world around them started melting, and Dan and Phil felt themselves falling.


	2. Welcome to Willow Creek, Dads!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on Dil Gets Steamy:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fd4gj-NzBc&index=6&list=PLNL9AEI3MsiOv9slzR6OU2YMu44gSRKup

The pair sat up, rubbing their heads. They looked relatively normal- maybe a little wonky, but they had fainted, so neither one thought much of it.

 

"Phil, are you alright?" Dan asked, once he felt okay enough to say anything.

 

"I think so Dan, just a little....weird I guess. How about you?" Phil looked at his roommate, who shrugged, and Phil had to stifle his laugh.

 

"Nothing seems to be broken, although my ass feels like it's being stabbed."

 

"Well that might be because you're sitting in a bush." Dan looked down and started to scramble to get off of the shrub.

 

"What the FUCK is going on?!" He yelled as Phil couldn't stop himself and laughed at Dan. "Stop laughing and give me a hand, will ya?"

 

"What's the magic word?"

 

"Phil!" Dan hissed as he started to find some semblance footing.

 

"I think you mean the Amazing Phil!" Phil sassed, his giggles growing louder as Dan's leg fell further into the shrub.

 

"Did you really just...you know what? Nevermind! I'll do it myself." After several failed attempts to get out of the bush, Phil finally grabbed his arm and pulled him out, both of them falling onto the cobblestone ground.

 

"Jesus Christ that was difficult! Why was that so difficult?" Dan yelled as Phil started laughing again.

 

"Hey it kinda looks like our sofa crease now!" Phil laughed as Dan patted the traces of leaves off himself.

 

"Oh very funny Phil. Now let's-" Dan looked around, finally taking in his environment. It was a backyard, but obviously owned by some very posh people. The shrub that Dan has fallen on was a part of a wall of shrubs, with were surrounded by a garden of purple, pink, and white posies. Both the shrubs and flowers surrounded a small, cobblestoned area with a silver grill to the side and a small round table with a giant white umbrella open above it and four white chairs surrounding it.

 

"Phil, where are we?"

 

Phil looked still looking at everything, but he finally turned back to Dan and worriedly replied "I have no idea."

 

Suddenly a door swung open, and a woman with short, red hair and black glasses stood, mouth hung wide open, at the top of the porch.

 

"Oh no." Dan whispered to Phil as the woman started screaming in a nasal voice.

 

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY MAHONIA JAPONICA SHRUBS? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THOSE COST? HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET BACK HERE? AND BOB! GET DOWN HERE AND GET RID OF THESE VANDALS!"

 

"No need! We'll show ourselves out!" Dan quickly responded, as he and Phil, who could only manage to say a quick "Sorry," got to their feet.

 

They scrambled through the flowers and the broken bush, running as fast as they could as the woman kept shouting at them, until they were out of her backyard and out of sight.

 

"Whew! That was close!" Phil sighed as the pair finally stopped to take a breath.

 

"Yeah but she probably called the cops on us, considering we just destroyed that weird bush." Dan panicked but everything seemed fine.

 

"Maybe her husband convinced her not to?" Phil countered, but the pair ducked down a path on the side of the road before they could find out. The path led to a small forest, blocked off by the fences around the backs of houses.

 

"So, where are we?" Phil asked as they walked, taking in their surroundings. "This doesn't look like London."

 

"Well that was obvious." Dan replied sassily before his tone got solemn. "I have absolutely no idea though. I mean, last I recall, we were in our apartment. How did we-" The Attack on Titan theme song cut Dan off, and Phil fiddles around in his pocket.

 

"Oh it's PJ!" Phil smiled, looking at Dan's phone.

 

"Give that to me!" Dan yelled, grabbing the phone out of Phil's hands and pressing accept. "PJ?"

 

"Oh Dan, thank God! Where are you? Where's Phil? I've been knocking on your front door for a few minutes now, and nobody's answering! And I got so worried when our call was cut off! Are you okay?" PJ's words came out so fast that the boys could barely keep up.

 

"PJ we're fine," Phil eventually replied while Dan tried to find something that looked familiar so they could tell PJ where they are. "And there's a spare key on the top of the door. You can use that to let yourself in."

 

"O-okay." There was a short pause as PJ grabbed the key and let himself into the apartment. "Okay I'm in, I'm gonna do a quick sweep of the place to make sure everything's okay, okay?" PJ asked, worried.

 

"Alright Peej, just let us know if you find anything really odd. In the meantime, Phil and I will try to find our way home." Dan stated when Phil suddenly stopped walking.

 

Putting a hand over the microphone, Dan stopped and turned to his friend. "Why'd you stop?"

 

Phil looked too pale and his blue eyes were wider than normal. He almost looked like Dan had caught him stealing his cereal again, but it was more intense, as if Phil had realized that they had run out of coffee.

 

"Phil? Phil! What's wrong? What is-" Dan turned and saw a very steep looking roof peeking over the other neighborhood roofs. "I-is that....?" Dan let his sentence drift into the wind. And then Phil broke into a run.

 

"Wait Phil!" Dan started running to catch up with his friend, and put his phone back to his ear. "PJ! We need....you to go....to....to our office!" Dan sputtered, losing breath really fast.

 

"O-Okay!" PJ cried, but Dan didn't really care at the second. Phil had just stopped running, and the look on his face confirmed his suspicions. There was the owl slide, the brick walls, the ugly porthole window, and the completely open backyard.

 

"Okay, I got to the office! The only thing on is your Sims 4 game....hey wait, I thought you and Phil were further ahead in your game? And...is that?" PJ paused, and Phil spoke all of their fears.

 

"That's Dil's house. Dan, we're in the Sims!"

 

"But....but that's.....BUT THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! People just can't be sucked into games! That's not physically possible!" Dan cried hysterically as the sun started to set.

 

"It was a possibility on the list of possible side effects that we didn't read. Remember, you said that it's never happened before!"

 

"Well how was I supposed to know that was possible? It never happened before! How would they even know it was a problem if it never happened?"

 

"Guys, I'll get in touch with EA and we'll figure out what the hell is going on and how to get you home, okay?" PJ responded, trying to take control of the situation in a calming way, but massively failing.

 

"Okay, PJ, you do that. But what should Dan and I do in the meantime?" Phil asked as they continued to just stare at Dil's house. It looked....pretty aesthetically bad. The roofs didn't match and were barely on the house. It looked like a mess, which of course it was, but....in a more realistic way. Like Dan had never noticed how awful that porthole actually was until now.

 

"Are you kidding? Meet your freakin Sim!"

 

"Are you sure?" Dan asked worriedly, "I mean, what if he hates us?"

 

"He's the combination of you and Phil. How can he hate you two? You're basically his dads!" PJ replied, "Anyway, I need to call EA, so I'm gonna go now. Don't lose your cellphone! It seems to be the only way to directly contact the real world."

 

"True, otherwise we'd just be waving our hands frantically while random images pop up above our heads." Phil pointed out, and then quickly glance above his head to see if it was doing it.

 

"For the time being, it doesn't seem to be an issue, but we'll keep the cellphone on us at all time PJ." Dan promised, appeasing their friend.

 

"Alright, I'll talk to you guys later!"

 

"See ya, PJ."

 

"Bye Peej." The pair chorused timidly, and while Dan shoved the phone protectively into his pocket, they turned back to the house . It wasn't particularly scary, but it felt unreal for them to even be in its presence. It felt almost wrong.

 

"Well...I guess we should go meet Dil." Phil finally said, and the pair walked around to the front of the house, uncertain. The front of the house looked at least a little better, the window looking into a party going on in the house. The pair walked down the path to the door, looking at the roses haphazardly strewn along it. Finally, they arrived at the door, the muffled sounds of a steady beat hitting the boys' ears.

 

"Okay, we're here...what are we going to say to him? I mean should we have a backstory as to why we just showed up here?" Dan asked Phil, who looked like he was trying to muster up his courage.

 

"I'm just going to wing it." Phil stated, hands clenched at his sides.

 

"Phil, you know you aren't good at-" Dan's concern was cut off by Phil's knocking. Phil quickly retreated back next to Dan, looking like a scared puppy.

 

"Phil!"

 

"We needed to just do it, Dan. It's like ripping off a bandage."

 

"Yeah, without a plan on what to do next! What if he questions us? What if he doesn't believe us? What if-" Dan was cut off when the door finally opened, and standing in the doorway, dressed in a hotdog suit, was Dil.

 

"Um....hello?" Phil squeaked as Dan tried not to laugh. He wasn't prepared for the hotdog suit.

 

"Um...hey?” Dil greeted the pair. His voice was a clear, medium pitch, a voice that Phil had once described as boring, and up close, the pair couldn't believe how realistic he looked. His dark bangs contrasted well with his mint green eyes, and he was about 6 ft tall. However, he was also wearing a weird looking hot dog suit, which was causing Dan to almost pass out from amusement.

 

Dil looked at himself, and felt his cheeks get a little red. “Um, sorry about the weird costume, I'm just throwing a party right now. Are you two lost? I'm not great at directions but-"

 

"No! No, we're not lost. Um..." Dan quickly said, finally recovering enough to speak, although slightly shocked that Dil was speaking actual English and not Simlish. He cleared his throat and looked at Phil. "We're just-"

 

"Dil, we're your Dads." Phil blurted, making Dan want to facepalm, but he held off. Dil just looked downright confused.

 

"My dads?" He looked at the two of them, a little more curiously now. "My dad's what?"

 

Now Dan did facepalm. "No, Dil." He removed his hand to look his son in the eyes. "We mean that we are your parents. As in brought you into this world?" Dan clarified.

 

Dil stiffened, a look of shock crossing his face. "But....but..."

 

Phil interjected again, "Dil we were going to try to do this better, but-"

 

"Our hotel lost our reservations and-" Dan interrupted, looking at Phil, daring him to ruin his plan.

 

"This was the only place we could think of to stay."

 

Dil looked like he was going to faint, and both Dan and Phil started to freak out.

 

"Dil? Oh my God, Dil are you alright?" Dan asked frantically as Phil rushed forward, just in case he fainted. Instead of fainting though, Dil engulfed Phil in a gigantic hug.

 

"I-I can't believe it! I never thought..." Dil trailed off as he looked at the strangers standing at his door. He released Phil and ran to Dan, hugging him tight. "I mean, I always assumed you'd abandoned me! How....why....where have you guys been all this time?"

 

Dan and Phil looked at each other, unsure of how to answer the question, when they heard a loud "DIL" come from the house.

 

"Oh shoot! I forgot, I'm throwing a party right now." Dil looked down at his clothes, his cheeks tinting red in embarrassment. "And I'm in a hotdog suit, hugging complete strangers who just told me they're my dads outside my door....this is not how I imagined this playing out." Dil nervously scratched the back of his head and Dan and Phil chuckled understandingly.

 

"Neither did we, but I think it suits all of us." Phil countered, making Dil break into a gigantic smile.

 

"Well come on in! I'd love to introduce you to....well....maybe I'll introduce you guys to Summer." Dil laughed awkwardly before letting the two into his home.

 

Dan and Phil stepped cautiously into the hallway, and immediately cringed.

 

"Now I remember why we changed it." Dan quietly muttered to Phil as Dil closed the door. The hallway was completely dark save for one awkward lamp at the end of the hallway that revealed the bare walls. The only splash of color in the whole room other than the three awkward cinnamon buns was a lone fake house plant in a red vase. From the room next door, a weird pop tune blasted along with some very awkward small talk.

 

Dil once again felt embarrassment; he never realized how terribly ugly his house was until he invited people into it.

 

"Hehe, sorry! When you live alone on a budget, you don't typically care about things like wallpaper or proper lighting. I'm planning on renovating it soon! I promise!" Dil sounded so worried, and Phil felt sad for his Sim. He walked up to him and put a hand on Dil's shoulder reassuringly.

 

"It's okay, Dilly. We would've done a worse job, I promise." Dil laughed, a few tears brimming in his eyes as a guy drunkenly stumbled into the hallway, interrupting the nice scene.

 

"HEY DIL! There you are! Where's the cake maaaaaaan?" Dil sighed, a frustrated look on his face again.

 

"I thought "Madame Yang" was gonna handle it? I hired her to cater after all!" Dil sassed, obviously cranky at the guy.

 

The guy shrugged and then looked at Dan and Phil. "Hey, new faces. Cool! Wanna see how many push-ups I can do?" He yelled, and before either of them could answer, he was already on the floor.

 

"1....2.....3-"

 

"Goddammit Aron." Dil muttered and then walked back to his guests. "And Mia, where's the cake?"

 

"Hey, I made a caprese salad, what more do you want?"

 

"A cake so Aron could shut up about it would be nice?" Dil retorted and a mean laugh echoed across the room. "Oh shut it, Erica!" Dil then strolled into the room, fuming.

 

"Hey Aron! Let's take a selfie!" Mia yelled, and Aron popped up off the floor.

 

"Oh fuck yeah! Let's do this!" Aaron shouted, leaving the two British men alone. They were quiet for a minute when Phil started laughing.

 

"Dan I think I know why Dil's house party failed." Phil smirked, turning to his best friend. Dan couldn't help but laugh to.

 

"Hey, at least we know he can throw good parties in the future. But what should we do now? We're intervening in his life, Phil."

 

"I mean, we were intervening in it already, weren't we?"

 

"You've got a point there, but it wasn't this directly. I mean, he seems to think he's been making these decisions all along, so could we really say that we were the ones causing things to happen?" Dan looked distressed when a blonde girl in a light blue dress walked into the hallway.

 

"Oh um...hi? Sorry, I didn't realize there was people out here." She apologized. "I just needed to get out of there for a second."

 

"Why?" Dan asked when he heard his Sim yell, "You think you can beat me at a dance off, Erica? Prepare to be brutally wrong!"

 

"Bring it, twerp!" The female yelled back.

 

"Dammit Dil." Dan murmured, facepalming as he spoke as Summer laughed.

 

"Tell me about it. Earlier tonight, he tried to tell me that he was, like, in love with me or something. He's such a dweeb."

 

While Dan was still recovering from the embarrassment for his Sim, Phil started to fume.

 

"Hey! That's my son in there, and you don't have the right to refer to him as a dweeb when he put his heart on the line."

 

Summer looked taken aback, but quickly recovered. "Well he doesn't actually like me. He just thinks I'm pretty."

 

"I doubt he thinks that anymore." Phil retorted when Dil popped his head back into the hallway.

 

"Hey! Everybody's dancing! Come on!" Dil's face brightened up when he saw his dads again, and quickly added "Come on, you guys too! It'll be fun!" And just like that, Dil went back into his living room. Summer scoffed.

 

"So far he's said that about everything at this party, and hasn't been right yet." She waltzed back into the room, followed by a still furious Phil, and Dan, who was currently deep in thought.

 

The living room was a nightmare to Dan and Phil, who felt a wave of nostalgia and regret sweep over them. The walls were blindingly white, and the white wooden flooring wasn't helping. The couch, the lounge chair, and the table: all white. Even the weird picture on the wall above the bar was white, as well as the pot that held yet another fake plant. The colorful items in the room didn't help though; the bar, which was incredibly long for Dil’s purposes, was light blue with two colorful bar stools in front of it; one green, the other matching the bar. There was a scratchy looking rug with alternating dark and light muted blue stripes in the center of the room, and a dusty looking crate with a boom box, covered in duct tape, precariously placed on top of it. Next to the crate, however, were the two items in the room Dan and Phil both held affections for; the purple penguin tv and the fabulous porcelain pig.

 

Dan tried his hardest not to cringe at his and Phil's horrible decorating choices while Phil placed a hand over his mouth. When Dil looked back at the two, he began to worry that he did something to already lose their approval.

 

"Dad? And um...Dad? Are you two okay?" He asked, about to shove his hands in his pockets when he realized he didn't really have any.

 

Phil swallowed his words quickly, and smiled. "Yes, it's just....ummm-"

 

"Well I mean Mia is the MVP of this party, which doesn't seem right to me. Why don't you go have fun while Phil and I wait in the kitchen. Trust me, you don't want your old man...s around while you're partying." Dan awkwardly chuckled and Phil nodded quickly.

 

"Oh, um okay. Dil smiled sadly, scratching the back of his head. "The party's going to end soon anyway, so you won't have to wait too long! I promise!"

 

The pair smiled, and Phil responded, "Take all the time you need, Dilly." Dil's sad smiled turned into a genuinely happy one as Dan and Phil retreated to the kitchen, glad they could rest their eyes by looking at the deep purple walls.

 

"Okay, so we agree that this is incredibly weird right?" Dan quickly turned to Phil, whispering loudly just in case someone was trying to listen in.

 

"Definitely! I never realized Summer was such a snob before! I'm actually shocked!"

 

"What about the fact that Dil thinks we abandoned him as a baby? I think that's a little more crazy than the whole Summer thing right now!" Dan took a deep breath as the realization started to dawn on Phil.

 

"Oh my God Dan! What are we going to do? I mean when we actually leave?"

 

"If we could actually leave. I mean we haven't even gotten a text from PJ in forever and it's already been an hour!" Dan's eyes were wide with fear as Phil started rambling about all of his worries. However, Dan started to hear people again and quickly hushed Phil.

 

"Sh! Shhhhhh! Shut up for a second, I heard something!" The boys quickly hushed up and poked their heads out into the living room  as they heard people groaning.

 

"I'll expect my paycheck in the mail, Howlter." Mia Yang said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

"Um okay?" Dil replied as Aron sprinted out of the house, yelling "PARTY AT THE PANCAKES’, BITCHES!" before promptly tripping on the loose roses and falling onto his face.

 

"See ya Dil. Good luck with everything." Vernon slapped Dil's back, and the door closed again. Dan and Phil slowly began to leave the kitchen when they noticed that there was still one person left. Summer.

 

"Diiiiiiiiil, I thought you said that we were going to party all night!" Summer whined, but Dil didn't seem to care.

 

"I know what I said, but something came up so the party's over." Dil insisted.

 

"But Diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil," Summer moaned, then tried to look cute and what not. "Come on Dil, call them back, keep the party going!"

 

Dil looked at her, and sighed. "Look Summer, I do like you but I need this party to stop. For once in my life, there's something, someone....two someones who are really important to me. It's not just me and my cool guy mixologist dreams and my crappy house. So I need to stop this for the moment. I need you to go." Summer looked at him, slightly shocked, but soon fell into a grumpy stance.

 

"Fine. Fine, that's fine, Dil." Summer snapped at him, but Dil just took a deep breath.

 

"One last hug?" Dil offered, but Summer just scowled at him.

 

"You want a hug?" She scoffed a little before dropping to the floor. "You think that you deserve to hug this body?" Summer started doing push-ups, keeping death glare eye contact with Dil the whole while. "You aren't worthy of me, Dil Howlter!"

 

"Hey! FUCKING back off my kid, BITCH!" Dan bellowed, him and Phil running out of the living room.

 

"Excuse me!?" Summer yelled before Dil stood between the two.

 

"Calm down, okay? Calm down!" He turned back to Summer, "Can we just talk for a second. Like just talk?"

 

Summer, glaring at Dan, nodded. "Good, come on." Dil grabbed her wrist and quickly dragged her into his room. When they were out of earshot, Dan quickly turned back to Phil.

 

"Well that didn't seem to help anything." Dan lamented, but Phil shrugged.

 

"I mean, if we know he's going to end up with Tabitha, then what does it matter? We could rewrite Dil's life, make him save his heart so that meeting and falling in love with Tabitha becomes that much sweeter."

 

"Well that would be a good idea if it wasn't horrible." Dan sassed.

 

"What? How is that horrible? It'll be like the start of a romance movie where the guy who's never been in love falls finds the one for the first time and just goes for it!"

 

"Sounds romantic, but he's already tried to get a girlfriend twice! He knows heartbreak, so just waiting for Tabitha to show up won't change anything!"

 

"Oh, I guess you’re right. But we could prevent him from flirting with Eliza."

 

Dan was about to retort when he actually thought about this. "Hmm....while it would interfere with his overall life story, I guess it wouldn't hurt to not have a stalker later on." Dan was about to say more when Dil came back into the hallway, taking a deep breath.

 

"Well she seems calm...for now." Dil smiled tensely, his shoulders slouching. "It's honestly better if you don't take what she says most of the time at face value. I mean, Summer is basically living her life like a reality tv show; all of her best friends moved into one house and there's been lots of infighting."

 

"Yeah but that doesn't mean she gets to treat you like garbage, Dil. As your fathers, we will not stand for it! Right, Dan?" Phil proclaimed proudly, folding his arms triumphantly. Watching Phil's movements Dan quickly nodded, and copied his best friend's arms motions.

 

"He's right, son." He said in a deep voice, trying to sound manly. Dil smiled slightly, but shrugged.

 

"It doesn't really bother me, but thanks." Dan noticed that some small tears were forming in his Sim's eyes, and he fought desperately against his own eyes to not cry as well. Dan couldn't help but be shocked how emotional he was getting around his virtual son. "A-anyway, can you help me clean up from this party? Those guys kinda left a mess here."

 

"Sure thing, Dilly!" Phil chirped, back to his usual self as the three began to pick up dirty dishes from all over the house.

 

"Why didn't we design Dil's house to have all the doors in the hallway the first time, Phil?" Dan groaned as he walked through three rooms to find the last of the dishes. Phil shrugged, amused, and turned off the stereo, cutting off another crappy pop song.

 

They were just about to finish the dishes when they realized that they hadn't seen Dil in a little while.

 

"Phil go find Dil." Dan told him, his hands full of soap. Phil nodded and started to walk around the house. When he didn't find him in any of the party rooms, he tried his bedroom, and he almost burst out laughing at the stupid triceratops cutout on the wall.

 

"To be fair, it's pretty awesome. And will eventually become Timothy the Destroyer!" Phil laughed to himself when he heard a voice in the bathroom.

 

"Oh, that must be where Dil went." Phil knocked on the door, and was shocked when Summer opened the door. He had forgotten that she was still here.

 

"Oh sorry! I thought Dil-"

 

"In here, Dad!" Summer opened the door more and Phil noticed his Sim sitting on the toilet, smiling.

 

"Ummm, Dil? Why are you....um....-"

 

"Phil where are you?" Dan called from the kitchen. "Did you find him yet?"

 

"Yeah Dan, through the bedroom." Phil called back, feeling slightly uncomfortable.

 

"Through the bedroom? What do you mean through the bed-BWAHAHAHAHAAHHA!" Dan burst into laughter after seeing his son, sitting on the toilet, looking ridiculous.

 

"Daaaad!" Dil hissed, and Dan attempted to calm down.

 

"Sorry! Sorry, Dil! It's just sort of ridiculous looking!" Dan shrugged.

 

"Hey! I think the hotdog suit is fun!" Summer argued, briefly surprising Phil with how nice she was being all of a sudden. "But um.....yeah I can see the humor in this." She stifled a laugh in her palm, and Dil sort of half smiled.

 

"If it makes any difference, Dil," Dan started, finally calming down, "we've dressed in crazier outfits and done weirder things than this."

 

Dil's eyes widened a bit and he chuckled awkwardly. "Uhhhh....I um don't think I'm probably ready for those stories yet..." Dan and Phil's eyes got wide simultaneously and they both burst with comments of "Nope! Nope nope nope that's not what I meant!" And "Not like that! He meant it in an innocent way!"

 

Summer started to laugh, but it seemed less wicked this time. "Well , ummm it's been fun, but I should really get going now. Thanks for hanging out with me, Dil! And um, nice to meet you Mr. and Mr. Howlter." She scooched past the three and started to leave. "I'll see ya later, Dil!"

 

"Oh, okay!" Dil called back to her. "Bye Summer!"

 

"Bye Summer!" Echoed Dan followed by Phil's "Byee!"

 

That little family then turned to each other, finally alone. And it suddenly felt suffocatingly awkward. How do you start a serious conversation with a Sim in a hot dog suit who has just been sitting on a toilet?

 

"So Dil....what did you say to Summer than made her act like less of a twat?" Phil asked, trying to break the weird silence.

 

"Oh well, I just told her that I don't care if she's pretty or even if she's into me. I'd just be happy being her friend and such."

 

"Oh, well...that's good!" Phil responded, the silence returning. Eventually Dan couldn't take another second of it.

 

"Alright, that's it. Everybody into the living room now." Feeling too awkward to argue, Dil and Phil shuffle to the living room and plopped down in the seats, Phil on the couch and Dil on the chair. Dan followed them and sat down next to Phil before turning to his Sim.

 

"Alright Dil, this is a pretty weird situation, having your two dads randomly show up at your house during a house party. You're important to us, and I know we haven't made you feel that way. So why don't you ask us every question you've ever had about us." Phil looked at Dan with a semi-worried expression. "Phil, don't give me that look. He deserves an explanation."

 

"True. Okay Dilly, what do you want to know?" Phil asked Dil excitedly.

 

Dil looked nervous for a moment, as if unsure whether or not to even say anything. And Dan and Phil looked at him so earnestly that he could barely tell if this was real life. But if it was, he didn't want this moment to pass without a notice.

 

So instead of thinking about it endlessly, Dil just asked.

 

"So, do I have a mom? I mean, I think it's cool that I have two dads and what not but....I mean I had to have been born from someone."

 

Dan and Phil looked at each other, fear etched all over their faces. "We don't really like to talk about it Dil. She was sort of a-"

 

"She's in jail!" Dan looked at him, like he had four heads, but Dil was totally engrossed in Phil's twist.

 

"Whoa! What did she do? Was I born in jail?"

 

"You know what, Phil knows this story like the back of his hand. Why don't you tell the story, Phil?" Phil started to laugh uncomfortably while silently begging Dan not to do this to him. Suddenly a loud ringing came from Dan's pocket.

 

"Oh shit," Dan pulled out his phone, and almost dropped it. "Phil, it's PJ." He turned back to Dil for a moment, and noticed that he looked a little disappointed. Dan then turned his gaze onto Phil, who wasn't sure what to do. Dan sighed and pressed the "reject call" button before turning to face Dil full on.

 

"You were not born in a prison, I was not about to let any son of mine be born in a prison. Your mother just happened to be a lunatic!" Dan dramatically started, as Dil perked up immediately. "But Dil, the first thing you should really know is that while Phil and I are both biologically your fathers....well, we aren't a couple." Dan stated, shocking the Sim.

 

"W-what? But then how...?" Dil looked at himself and back at the two, a dubious look on his face.

 

"It started at university. I was a freshman-"

 

"And I was in my senior year.” Phil interrupted. The pair continued to tell their impromptu story of how Dil came into living, including a weird college prank and a slightly psychopathic mother. They were just getting to the part where they decided that Dil should be put up for adoption after he was born when Dil scoffed.

 

"Some good adoption did." He grumbled and the pair looked at each other.

 

"What do you mean, Dil?" Phil asked him, worried.

 

"Well....I never got adopted. The orphanage kept me until I turned eighteen. I went to university, but by that point, I was allowed to live by myself without being reminded of how..." Dil trailed off, and Phil stood up and walked towards the teary-eyed Sim.

"We're sorry, Dil." He soothed, kneeling down to hug the Sim

"It's just that, well for the longest time I thought I was completely alone and now....I mean, I was sure you were dead or didn't love me or that I was just the biggest mistake that ever existed or-" Dil suddenly got choked up, and Phil started to rub Dil's back in a relaxing manner, eliciting a small grin to tug at the corners of his mouth.

"Would you like to hear how you got your name?" Dil nodded slightly, feeling a bit better. The rest of the story went off without a hitch until Dil was given the complete backstory of how he came into the world, where his dads had been, and why he had no true mother.

 

"And, well, that's your origin story, Dil."

 

Dil was more or less speechless. "Wow....that's some origin story!"

 

"That is a pretty good origin story isn't it?" Dan turned towards Phil, thoroughly impressed with their improv skills.

 

"It rivals llama man's tragic past!" Phil declared dramatically, and Dan hit him with a pillow, inciting a yelp from Phil.

 

"So, mom got committed in the end?" Dil asked and Dan nodded his head.

 

"She didn't really have a defense to stand on, and didn't want to claim insanity, so she went to jail." Dan shrugged.

 

"I heard that she might get out for good behavior, but so far she hasn't." Phil said nonchalantly as Dil's eyes grew wide and his back stiffened.

 

"W-what?" He asked, nervously. Phil suddenly noticed what happened and tried desperately to fix it.

 

"Oh! No no no, I just heard that. She must be doing something that stops her each time, so I wouldn't worry about it!"

 

Dil looked only a little better, and Dan hit Phil's shoulder. "Why did you do that? It was going so well!" Dan chastised his friend. "I mean come on, Phil. We were bonding!"

 

Phil laughed, and Dil relaxed more. He then noticed the time on his phone. "Oh geez! It's 2 am! We should probably all head to bed." He said and the three walking into the bedroom.

 

"You two can borrow some of my pajamas. I personally like this onesie that has clown print on it!" He smiled and pulled out his clown pajamas. Dan stifled a laugh as he pulled out a black t-shirt and gray sweats.

 

"That is freakin amazing, Dil." He complimented as Phil gave them a thumbs up. He then pulled out a white t-shirt and red and blue flannel pants.

 

"Now I would offer you the bed but-"

 

"Take the bed Dil." Dan insisted.

 

"Yeah. We showed up uninvited and out of nowhere. The couch is good for us." Phil added.

 

Dil smiled and grabbed the pair a few blankets and pillows.

 

"Okay, if you two are sure!" He handed the bedding stuff to Dan as he hugged Phil goodnight.

 

"Night dad." He smiled, and then turned to Dan when he put down the bedding. "Night...dad. I need a new title for you. I'll think of some later." Dil smiled and started for his room before turning around one last time. "Goodnight!"

 

"Good night, Dilly!" Phil smiled sleepily as Dan waved. And in moments, Dil was in bed.

 

"Okay we deserve a medal for the world's best story made up completely on the spot!" Phil cheered softly.

 

“Is it bad that I actually almost forgot that it wasn’t real?” Dan asked, with a laugh as as they started to talk about some of the outrageous parts of the story. After a few hours though, Phil yawns.

 

"I guess we should probably try to get some sleep before Dil wakes us up by smashing a plate." Dan sighed as he and Phil set up lounging spots on the couch to serve as the bed, using the coffee table so their legs could stretch out.

 

"Hey Dan." Phil asked after the two had changed and had gotten into bed.

 

"Yeah Phil?"

 

"We never called PJ back."

 

Dan's eyes widened as the realization set on him. "Oh my God you’re right! Do you think...." Dan stopped and Phil looked at him concerned.

 

"Do I think what, Dan? What is it?" Phil asked, snapping his fingers in his face, which Dan smacked away.

 

"I think we should wait until morning before we call him. It's too late to call him now after all."

 

"Okay. I hope everything's okay!"

 

"Hmmm me too." Dan smiled as the  YouTubers started to fall asleep, ending their very weird day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Feel like you're missing something? Want a little more out of a hyped up improv story about Dil's origin according to Dan and Phil?
> 
> Well if this is how you're feeling right now, then fear no longer because while I write Chapter 2, I will be posting the full Dil origin story! 
> 
> I'm sorry it wasn't just in the chapter, but the chapter didn't need that extra length.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and want to keep reading. I really enjoy making this story, it'll just take a while to actually write because, well, they're twenty minute videos with lots of things happening.
> 
> HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT GUYS!


	3. Bonus Chapter: Dil's Origin Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For clarity on some of the aspects of this story, watch this:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3au8frhC46g
> 
> I do not own the video, Just thought it'd help.

"You were not born in a prison, I was not about to let any son of mine be born in a prison. Your mother just happened to be a lunatic!" Dan dramatically started, as Dil perked up immediately. "But Dil, the first thing you should really know is that while Phil and I are both biologically your fathers....well, we aren't a couple." Dan stated, shocking the Sim.

 

"W-what? But then how...?" Dil looked at himself and back at the two, a dubious look on his face.

 

"It started at university. I was a freshman-"

 

"And I was in my senior year. We had become best friends over the Internet and we were hanging out with some of our friends, being stupid college kids and what not." Phil laughed.

 

"It was just stupid fun until our friend dared us to donate to a...well a....sperm bank." Phil looked at Dan momentarily shocked himself.

 

"What? Why?" Dil asked, and Dan looked at Phil, silently hoping he'd have an explanation.

 

"Well Dilly, there were these girls, Becky and Jessica, who kind of hated our guts. Or Jessica hated our guts."

 

"Yeah Becky didn't really do anything back then, did she?" Dan agreed, hoping it looked authentic. Phil nodded and continued.

 

"Anyway, they told us that it'd be a good backup in case something...happened. You know....down....there." Phil ended rather awkwardly, and Dan quickly took over, stopping Phil.

 

"But Jessica decided to mix our sperm together and turn it in, meaning that there were two plastic jars with a mixture of our sperm."

 

Dil's hand flew over his mouth in disbelief. "That's insane!" He cried.

 

"Oh you don't even know the most insane part yet!" Phil retorted, turning back to Dan to continue the story.

 

"Nobody realized the mistake until Jessica forced Becky to get impregnated with it." Dan stated.

 

"WHAT?" Dil yelled.

 

"Yeah, she wasn't really happy when there weren't any results from her little prank. So she forced Becky to go to the sperm bank and get injected." Phil nodded, finally getting into the swing of the story, but then stopped for a second. "Wait is that how it works?" Phil asked Dan, who shrugged.

 

"Anyway, as Becky got injected, the doctors did a few tests on the other sample to see if it was good, just in case the first one wasn't. That's when they found out that there were two different people's sperm in the container." Dan continued. "They tried to stop the...impregnation, but it was too late."

 

"Thankfully everything else was normal about our sperm, so it was just that there were two men's sperm. But the doctor's concern freaked Becky out, so she demanded that we be informed and get involved."

 

"Keep in mind," Dan interjected, "that this was all happening while we were in college."

 

"Oh yeah! Dan and I were way too young to be fathers, let alone at the same time with the same girl."

 

"So when Becky and Jessica told us what was going on, we were dumbfounded that they'd do something this awful as a prank, but then Phil and I sat down with a doctor and had a conversation about our options.

 

"At the same time, Becky was starting to build resentment towards Jessica for getting her in this position in the first place, so while she would go to all the doctor meetings and such since she couldn't get an abortion by the time we were involved, she refused to participate anymore than she had to. Which left all the decisions up to us."

 

"That was probably a really stupid idea, wasn't it?" Dan asked Phil, who shrugged.

 

"I mean it could've turned out worse." Phil reminded him, and they shrugged.

 

"So anyway, we decided that since neither of us was actually qualified to take care of a baby, we would put you up for adoption so that a nice family could take care of you and what not." Dan continued, and Dil scoffed.

 

"Some good adoption did." He grumbled and the pair looked at each other.

 

"What do you mean, Dil?" Phil asked him, worried.

 

"Well....I never got adopted. The orphanage kept me until I turned eighteen. I went to university, but by that point, I was allowed to live by myself without being reminded of how nobody..." Dil trailed off, and Phil stood up and walked towards the teary-eyed Sim.

 

"We're sorry, Dil." He soothed, kneeling down to hug the Sim.

 

"It's just that, well for the longest time I thought I was completely alone and now....I mean, I was sure you were dead or didn't love me or that I was just the biggest mistake that ever existed or-" Dil suddenly got choked up, and Phil started to rub Dil's back in a relaxing manner, eliciting small grin to tug at the corners of his mouth.

 

"Would you like to hear how you got your name?" Dil nodded slightly, feeling a bit better.

 

"Okay, so when Dan and I decided to put you up for adoption, we were told to give you a name so that they had something to call and identify you as." Phil began, moving back to his spot on the couch.

 

"Since Becky wasn't going to participate or throw her two cents in, Phil and I were left to come up with something."

 

"Since we aren't exactly good at naming things, we decided that since you were a weird combination of us, we could combine our names for you." Dan continued, laughing almost at the fake memory. The longer the story got, and the more complex it got, the more real it seemed.

 

"It took us a while to come up with a good name, but we settled on Dil Jamechal Howlter, a combination of our names, Phil Michael Lester and Dan James Howell! Funnily enough after we chose that name, the doctors would refer to us as the Howlters as well." Phil smiled, and Dil laughed a bit.

 

"So I wasn't just named after a pickle?" He smiled as Dan and Phil laughed.

 

“No, you weren’t. Your name is just a crazy combination of our names-”

 

“Which is obviously cooler than being named after a pickle. It’s the type of thing that will get you so many friends on the playground.”

 

Dan rolled his eyes, "I don’t know what playgrounds you’re going to, but whatever, Phil. You do you.” Dan turned back to Dil, who was chuckling at them, and Dan couldn’t stop himself from laughing along slightly. “So anyway, for the months leading up to your birth, we would go to meetings and make decisions and such while Becky grew more and more reserved. We didn't think much of it since she was usually quiet until Jessica stopped showing up to class or talking to anyone. We got concerned because as awful as she was as a human being, Jessica refused to miss any school."

 

"Oh yeah, so we went to Becky, and she was sort of towards the middle of her third trimester, and she just gives us a slightly scary smile, and she goes 'Who’s Jessica-'"

 

"That was a weak Becky impersonation, Phil." Dan complained and Phil rolled his eyes.

 

"Well fine, you do it then."

 

"I will, and I'll do it properly." Dan smiled as he put a pillow under his shirt, and then pulled one of his arms into his shirt, and laid it across his chest to represent boobs. "So Becky smiled like this-" he made a slightly deranged smile, "and said 'W-who’s Jessica? I d-don't remember her.' Okay wasn't that a million times better than your impression Phil?" Dan asked as he pulled his arm back through his sleeve and removed the pillow.

 

"Yes okay Dan." Phil deadpanned as he continued the story. "So Dan and I start to panic because Becky was acting reeeaally weird and you weren't born yet. So we called campus police who found Jessica behind the science building, knocked out with gigantic bruises on her skull and all over her body."

 

"Well Phil and I were terrified. I mean, we didn't want to be around this psycho anymore. But we couldn't leave; you were still inside her and Becky refused to actually participate in the paperwork."

 

"So we decided that after you were born and safely in the adoption center, we would transfer to a different university."

 

"All the paperwork was filled out and everything, but there was a problem: you were late. You weren't ready to be born on your due date, you waited two weeks." Dan sighed, and Phil laughed lightly.

 

"We told the transfer school that we were going to take a year off, which felt ludicrous since you were due any moment-"

 

"But it ended up working out since we had to participate in Becky's hearings." Dan interrupted. "Jessica had eventually woken up, and her parents called the cops on Becky. Since we were the people who called the campus police, we were asked to testify against her."

 

"But a week before she was arrested, Becky went into labor, and you were born!" Phil smiled. "The waiting room was the worst since we weren't allowed in the actual delivery room, but it was probably for the best that we weren't near Becky. She was really irritable and...well with all those hormones-”

 

“Phil, you should stop that train of thought right now.” Dan interrupted, giving Phil a warning look. Phil awkwardly laughed a little before Dan continued. “Anyways, after five hours, there was a baby Dil."

 

"I kinda wanted to hold you, but I was afraid that I'd get too attached to you since we had already agreed on giving you up for adoption." Phil started to wrap up when Dan interjected.

 

“Although to be fair, we weren’t given much of a choice; Becky was very determined to get out of there as soon as possible. We barely even got the chance to say hello to you or anything before a nurse picked you up and carried you right out of the room.” The pairs shoulders slumped slightly before Phil started to conclude the story.

 

“After that, we participated in the trials and such, and Becky was committed. And we went back to university-”

 

“Or more accurately, Phil went back to University. I dropped out.” Dan cut in and turned to look at his Sim, who was so wrapped up in the story. Silently, he decided that this was a good place to stop before either of them ruined the very neatly laid out story. "And, well, that's your origin story, Dil."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2017! And Happy Holidays....and almost Happy Birthday, Phil!
> 
> Just to give you guys an idea of how I'm going to try to write out this story, I want to give you two chapters (or bonus chapters, like this one) each month. 
> 
> However this honestly depends on 1) how fast I can write it, 2) how fast it's edited, and 3) the amount of inspiration I feel to write anything decent in the first place.
> 
> That said, I love writing this story, and I just want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to ALL of the fabulous people who have given their kudos or written extremely nice (and 100% appreciated and cherished and possibly saved on my phone) comments on the story. Seriously guys, I can't be more appreciative for it!
> 
> The next chapter will probably be another bonus chapter and hopefully out before the end of January, but I am currently writing chapter 2, so be on the lookout for both!


	4. Bonus Chapter: PJ's Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PJ or KickThePJ is a friend of Dan and Phil. He makes very interesting stories, slurps, and is a weird, but beautiful (in mind and body) man. He's a part of Revelmode, with Pewdiepie and Jacksepticeye, and created a series with the Jim Henson Company called "Oscar's Hotel."  
> To check out his stuff, here's his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/KickThePj
> 
> Figured a quick sum up would be good since he's the star of the chapter.

PJ sighed as he listened to the beeping, signaling the end of the phone call.

  
"Alright," PJ said to himself, "this is fine. It's fiiiine. It's so fine." With every utterance of "fine" his voice raised slightly in pitch, exposing his fears. "People get zapped into video games all the time right? No of course they don't! This has never happened! How the hell did this even happen? What do I do?"

  
The eccentric storyteller finally looked back the screen at the spot he had zoomed in on his currently trapped and missing friends. He zoomed out and found Dan and Phil standing at Dil's front door, just as Phil knocked. A quick glance at the Sim on the screen showed Dil, feeling embarrassed from his encounter with Summer, start for the door.

  
Once Dil started to interact with Dan and Phil, PJ just stared at the scene. It started out fine enough, but then, after a bit of talking, Dil’s emotion bar started to spaz out.

  
"OH SHIT!" PJ started to freak out as Dil's emotions went from uncomfortable to dazed to embarrassed to angry to sad to happy to very happy in seconds, and they kept changing. "What do I do? What's going on? Did those two knuckleheads break the freakin game? I mean....oh my god! What if the game crashes? While Dan and Phil get out? What am I supposed to do if the freakin game crashes and I lose them?"

  
The Sim's emotions changed rapidly for a few seconds until it finally settled at _Very Happy_ , and Dil launched himself at Dan and Phil, hugging them tightly. PJ signed a breath of relief.

  
"Okay...well that was terrifying. I should call EA before something actually does break." PJ looked up the number on his phone so he wouldn't disrupt the PC, and pressed call.

  
After a few rings, an automated voice droned out of the speakers. "Hello and thank you for calling EA. If you have a question about Battlefield 1, press 1.  If you have a question about FIFA 17, press 2. If you have a question about Titanfall II, press 3. If you have a question about Mass Effect Andromeda, press 4."

  
"Uuuuuugh get on with it!" PJ wailed as the voice told him to press 5 for Plants vs. Zombies. "I need to talk to an actual human! This could be life or death!"

  
"If you have a question about Madden NFL 17, press 6."

  
"NO I DON'T! Get me to the Sims!"

  
"If you have a question about EA Sports 17, press 7."

  
"It better be on this list or I swear to-"

  
"If you have a question about Star Wars Battlefront, press 8."

  
"Is it even on this bloody list! How do you not put it on the top of this list?"

  
"If you have a question about the Sims 4, press 9."

  
PJ quickly pressed 9, and yelling "FINALLY!" But his celebration was short lived.

  
"If the platform you're playing on is a Mac, press 1."

  
"Oh are we going to have another long list for platforms? Brilliant! Cause why not!" PJ asked sassily, missing the next comment. He patiently waited for the list to continue, but nothing happened. "Well? Where's my long list of options?"

  
Finally the voice spoke again.

  
"If the platform you're playing on is a Mac-"

  
"That was it?" PJ whined, but went quiet to hear the next thing.

  
"If the platform you are playing on is a PC, press 2."

  
He quickly pressed 2 and waited. "Why can't I just talk to a person?"

  
"If you would like codes and promotions for the Sims 4, press 1."

  
"Nope."

  
"If you would like information on the Sims 4, press 2."

  
"Nope."

  
"If you would like to manage your account, press 3"

  
"Maybe, but let's see."

  
"If you're missing content, press 4."

  
"Ha!" He laughed, sarcasm filling his voice. "More like the exact opposite of that."

  
"If you would like to order a game, press 5."

  
"Not unless it comes with a DLC to get Dan and Phil out of the game."

  
"If you'd like to report a bug with the game, press 6."

  
"Okay so maybe we'll press 6."

  
"If you'd like to report a concern or harassment, press 7."

  
"Hmmm, no 6 is still sounding right."

  
"If you would like technical support, press 8."

  
"So it’s either 6 or 8."

  
"If you have a question about the warranty, press 9."

  
"Would this sort of thing be under 8 or-"

  
"If you have another problem, please stay on the line, and one of our agents will be right with you."

  
PJ, already exhausted from having to deal with the robotic orders, felt a combination of wanting to throw his phone at a wall and cheer that he was finally going to talk to a living, breathing human being.

  
"Hello, this call is being monitored for quality assurance. My name is Travis. How may I help you?" A young man, Travis, asked in an almost youthful sounding tone.

  
"Yes, hello! My name is PJ, and my friends are trapped in their Sim game!"

  
There was a brief pause and then Travis responded. "I'm....sorry? Have you tried turning the game off?"

  
PJ's eyes widened. "WhAT! How is that going to get them out!"

  
"Well I mean, if they've become obsessed with playing it-"

  
"No, they're not obsessed with playing it. THEY'RE IN THE BLOODY GAME! Like they physically transported into the game, they're interacting with the Sims right now!" That was a little bit of a lie. Dil had just left Dan and Phil in the hallway to deal with party stuff.

  
"Sir-"

  
"PJ."

  
"PJ, I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. But in order to find out what it is, I'm going to get my manager. So I'm going to put you on hold."

  
"Wait, but I need-"

  
"I'm sorry si-PJ, I'm going to get my manager. I'm going to put you on hold. Okay?"

  
"N-"

  
"Okay great! Bye!" The line went silent for a second and then a soft jazz song drifted through the speakers.

  
"Shit." PJ sighed, and watches as Phil starts yelling at a blonde Sim, whose name PJ could never remember. Whatever she did must have annoyed Phil, but how could they even understand anything that was being said to them?

  
_Bzzzt!_ PJ looked down at his phone, and noticed the retreating notification for Twitter flash at the top of his phone.

  
"Oh cool, someone retweeted me." PJ smiled to himself as he got an idea.

  
After making sure that Dan and Phil, who were now standing in the kitchen chatting away, were okay, he quickly ran out of the office and down to the main floor.

  
"Now where did Dan leave his laptop?" PJ wondered as he poked his head into the lounge. After a quick scan, he turned back into the hallway. "Not there. Which one is his room again?"

  
PJ moves on to the next room, the kitchen, and hits his head on the glass door, causing a loud “ _BRLING!_ ” sound. “BLOODY HELL!” He screamed before actually opening the door and entering the kitchen. There was nothing in there either, but he made sure to not bang into the door again.

 

Finally, he found the bedrooms. The first  was Phil's room where he found a laptop covered in glittering stickers sitting at the foot of the bed. Finally, he got to Dan's room and snatched his laptop from the monochrome sheets.

  
"Perfect! Now, I should really return to those two before they explode." PJ remarked as he dashed back up the flight of stairs into the office.

  
After checking to see if Dan and Phil were still fine- fine being a relative term since they were having another screaming match with Summer- PJ opened the laptops and went to Twitter, grateful that they were both still logged into their accounts.

  
"Alright, now what should I tell the fans?" PJ questioned himself, wondering what excuse he should use for Dan and Phil's absences. "There's been an emergancy? Accurate but worrying. Too many people will be asking questions. They're going on vacation? Hmm...that's not a reason they wouldn't use Twitter though. Hmmm...what about taking time off? No, they'd still be on social media! Dammit PJ come on! I can do this! I can come up with a freakin reason why these two aren't posting anything! Now think. The Internet’s down? They're leaving the country? Their family member died? No!"

  
PJ got the urge to slam his head against the office door, but restrained himself, at least for the moment, and looked at his friends. Currently, Dan and Phil were more calm as they casually picked up dishes around the house while Summer sat in Dil's bedroom.

  
"They're trapped in the Sims world, and I'm worried about sending the right ‘We’ll be gone’ message to their followers!" PJ lamented, and stopped to think for a second before he started to type into the boxes of Twitter. Eventually he had two tweets; Dan's saying "Phil and I will be away from social media for a while to work on a ahem secret project ahem," and Phil's saying "Dan and I will be MIA, but don't worry! We'll explain why later" with a smiling emoji at the end.

  
Just as PJ double checked that everything was good with the tweets, his phone crackled to life, and he begrudgingly abandoned the laptops to pick it back up.

  
"Travis?"

  
"Hello, PJ? Thank you for holding."

  
"Yeah yeah, can you get my friends out of the Sims?" PJ quickly asked, wanting to get right to the chase.

  
"Well first I'll need to know as much as you can tell me about what happened. Like when they got transported and how."

  
"Well why didn't you ask that first? Those seem like important questions to ask first!"

  
"Travis for Christ sake, give me the bloody phone!" An angry voice growled faintly in the background, and for a second there were shuffling sounds, "I'm sorry for the _incompetence_ of our newest representative. My name is Don, and my _inferior_ \- Travis - says that your friends have been sucked into their copy of Sims 4. How and when did it happen?"

  
PJ paused for a second, feeling as if he was being berated like a child before speaking. "Well, my friends were sent the weird Sim copier machine thing, and-"

  
"I'm sorry, who are your friends again?" Don asked, curiosity weaving in between his snipping words.

  
"Um, Dan Howell and Phil Lester?" PJ answered, although he was getting so worried talking to this cranky man, that it came out as more of a question.

  
"Oh for Christ's sake, Travis!" The man yelled, turning his attention to the first rep. "You couldn't have found out that it was those famous YouTubers?"

  
"Sorry," was the faint reply that PJ heard before Don returned.

  
"You know what, you should just put me on the phone with our representative. I think Yolanda was assigned to oversee this one."

  
"Actually, it was Angela." Travis spoke up again, to which Don snarled, "Oh! So _that_ you know! What a help."

  
"I'm sorry, but I'm the only one here."

  
That's when PJ heard knocking on the front door.

  
"Sir?" Don asked irritably into the phone.

  
"PJ," Travis corrected, adding "He prefers PJ."

  
PJ, holding the phone to his ear and listening to Don "argue" with Travis - although it was so one-sided, it could hardly be called an argument - went down the numerous amounts of stairs to the front door. The knocking was getting louder and louder, as well as more persistent.

  
Finally, PJ opened the door to find a woman with mousy brown hair pulled up into a ponytail, and a green polo shirt with the words "EA Sims 4" written in a bright, comical font on the breast pocket.

  
"Oh good! Someone's home! I was about to leave if nobody answered!" The woman smiled, but PJ couldn't do much more than look at her in shock.

  
"They didn't..." He whispered so softly that nobody heard him, although Don was screaming pretty loudly into PJ's ear. “They aren’t crazy enough to try to work the machine alone...”

  
"PJ! Are you still there? What's going on?" crackled Don’s voice over the small speakers of PJ’s phone.

  
"Oh! You're KickThePJ! Sorry, I've only seen a few of your videos. But Tim really loves them! In any case, it's nice of Dan and Phil to let you watch the process! Speaking of..." The woman tried to look behind PJ, and PJ finally snapped back to reality.

  
"So there's been a slight problem," he said, as calmly as he could to both the woman and Don and Travis, putting the latter on speaker.

  
"Well what is it?" Don asked as the woman stared in confusion.

  
"Oh, hello Don!" The woman called. A faint "Hey Angela," was heard in the background, assumingly from Travis. Angela laughed and greeted him as well.  
"Will you two shut up! PJ, what’s going on?" Don yelled, and PJ took a deep breath.

  
"Dan and Phil tried to do the whole thing by themselves. Their rep- I'm sorry, your name is Angela?" PJ quickly asked the woman, who nodded. "Thanks - their representative, Angela, just arrived."

  
"Oh goddammit!" Don yelled so loud that PJ almost dropped the phone.

  
"Don...you alright? Maybe you should take a deep breath or something," Travis asked in the background.

  
Following Travis’s advice - or perhaps out of frustration - Don took multiple deep breaths before talking again.

  
"PJ, can you give the phone to Angela please? We're going to need to send a report about this to the department, so we'll need all the data we can get."

  
"Alright." PJ handed the phone to Angela, and led her up the stairs to the lounge, where the machine still sat dormant.

  
"This is where it happened," he said, adding "I'm going to go back upstairs to the office and make sure they're okay."

  
Angela more or less waved him off, and went straight to the machine, pressing the buttons and relaying as much information as she could to Travis and Don.

Before she could stop him, PJ retreated back to the office.

  
Hopping back into the office chair, PJ turned back to his friends and did a double take. Dil was currently sitting on the toilet, still in his hotdog suit, the lower half of his body pixelated out. This would've been fine, except for the fact that not only was the blonde, Summer, in the room, but Dan and Phil were there too, laughing as if they were just told the funniest thing ever.

  
PJ just looked at the scene, unsure what to make of it. Eventually he started to try to put the pieces together of what could possibly be going on.

  
"Okay so Dil is being censored so he's probably...going to the bathroom. But around all those people? And with them laughing nonetheless! I wonder..." PJ rambled out loud until he cut himself off as a perverse thought passed through his mind,turning his face bright red.

  
"Oh, oh! Poor guy," PJ half chuckled to himself. "Maybe they do need the groin stretching update."

  
Just as the blonde started to leave, Angela returned to the room.

  
"PJ? Don would like to speak to you again," she announced, passing the phone to the Youtuber.

  
"Don! What’s up? How are you? Learn anything new and exciting about why my friends are trapped in a video game?"

  
Don audibly sighed on the other end, and Travis spoke up, closer to the phone's microphone now so he could be heard over Don’s obnoxious breathing.

  
"We just found out the Tim didn't quite do what was asked of him when writing the manual."

  
"What dunderhead just writes down any possibility that comes to his head! Oh yeah, use our machine and grow an extra head! Of course! Why not!" Don fumed.

  
"Well I mean he was right about the trapped in the game thing," Travis reminded him, but he quickly followed his statement with an apology, most likely caused by Don’s no doubt murderous look. "Sorry, Don. Anyway,  we were wondering if you knew anything else that might be helpful. Like maybe how did you figure out they were in the Sims or how long it took to find them. I mean, they could've been in there a long time or something."

  
"Oh, well I was on the phone with them when they got zapped into the machine or whatever-"

  
"Idiots." Don muttered in the background.

  
"-and ten minutes later, when I got to their apartment, I called them again. We talked for about a minute, they told me to go to their office, and that's about the time we all found out that they were in the game."

  
"Oh okay. Is there anything else?" Travis asked, but after a second there was a brief shuffling noise with sprinkles of "Give me that!" and “Get off of my phone!” with a couple of “I’m your superior”’s for good measure.

  
"Did you just say you were on the phone with Dan and Phil?" Don demanded, and PJ's eyes widened in realization.

  
"Y-yes! I was! Should I-"

  
"For the love of Christ, conference call with them!"

  
"You got it!" PJ quickly put Don and Travis on hold and looked at the screen to find that Dan, Phil, and Dil sitting in the living room talking.

  
"This'll be fine." PJ pressed the "add call" button, choosing Dan's number.

  
The phone rang a few times and PJ could even hear it ring in game. Dan finally noticed and pulled his phone out, but instead of answering, Dan's phone went back in his pocket, and PJ got voicemail.

  
"What the hell, Dan?" PJ moved the mouse over Dil's actions, which read "Listen to unbelievable story."

  
"What are those two doing?" he wondered out loud, before answering his own question. "Obviously they’re not as worried about getting home as I’ve been."  
PJ resumed his call with EA when Angela returned to the room again.

  
"Hey PJ, I found a camera pointed towards the Homo-Sim-pien Computer-Aided Designer-"

  
"How did you remember that name?" he asked, as Angela continued.

  
"-and it was still recording, but I just turned it off. I wasn't sure if-" PJ stopped Angela's thought by tossing his phone to her, forcing her to answer the resumed call, and sprinting down the steps. He burst into the lounge, and found the camera still near the wall. PJ pressed turned the camera back on and checked the latest footage.

  
There stood Dan and Phil as they announced how they were going to test the machine.

  
"ANGELA!" PJ exclaimed as he continued to watch his friends get themselves tangled in the wires that dangled carelessly in front of him now.

  
"You don't need to shout, I'm right here," Angela sassed, as Don screamed even louder than usual in her ear. "Of course I didn't mean you, Don. I was talking to PJ."

  
"Angela, we need to get to EA headquarters or wherever it is where they've been dealing with this machine," PJ said, staring right at her.  
"What? Why?"

  
"This," PJ held up with video camera, "might have the answers you guys have been looking for."

  
"ANGELA! WHAT'S GOING ON!" Don demanded, and Angela snapped back to the phone.

  
"PJ might've found something useful. We're going to head over now with it."

  
"Oh wait, right now?" PJ asked quickly, to which Angela nodded.

  
"We need to get this to headquarters as soon as possible if it could possibly help your friends!"

  
"Um okay..." Angela gathered her stuff and let Don know that they were coming over when PJ spoke up "I'm just going to do this one quick thing. Just like really quickly!"

  
Before she could protest, PJ ran back to the office, and opened up both laptops. There were the tweets sitting in their boxes, ready to go.

  
Quickly pressing the send button, PJ sent the tweets into the universe, and shut the laptops. As he was about to leave the office, he looked at the screen one last time, and saw his friends sleeping soundly on the couch.

  
"Don't die while I'm gone," PJ awkwardly warned the computer screen, as he turned to leave the office and apartment to meet with EA and save his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter WILL be the actual chapter 2, and my goal is to finish it by the end of this month.
> 
> For the record, I finished this chapter on January 31st, but I didn't account for editing, so if I only post a chapter/bonus chapter once a month, that's why.  
> In any case, I hope you're enjoying this story, and definitely let me know if you want more PJ.  
> Oh also, all of you should read JAM by Yahtzee Crowshaw, who is also a YouTuber who does a video game review show called Zero Punctuation on the Escapist channel (I have only seen some episodes). It's literally the best book about the apocalypse I've ever read!


	5. A Normal Day in the Life of Dil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So welcome to the OFFICIAL CHAPTER TWO.................................part one.
> 
> Yeah I'll explain later.
> 
> Based on DIL GETS PHYSICAL:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ogLQVf-1JY&t=733s

****It was about 6 am when sunrise started. The lawns across Willow Creek were speckled with dew, and birds chirped their morning tune. Slowly, the golden sun lifted from its resting place and shone on all the houses across the world, eventually getting to Dil's house. Sunlight streamed in through the window onto the faces of the two YouTubers when they finally started to stir from their slumber.

 

"Ugh, bloody sun." Dan groaned, trying to turn over, kicking Phil's leg in the process.

 

"Ow!" Phil yelped. Phil, in his sleepy state, glanced over and almost fell off the couch. "DAN?"

 

"PHIL?" Dan yelled as he twisted to look at Phil, turning so quickly that his back seized up. "OOOOOW!"

 

Phil's eyes widened in understanding as he took in his surrounding. His attention was brought back to Dan's loud groaning. So, without hesitation, Phil quickly pushed a pillow into Dan's face.

 

"Dan shut up! You'll wake Dil!"

 

"What!" Dan's yell was muffled but still very audible. "What are you doing here? And why did we sleep on the couch? And-" Dan looked around and realized that this wasn't his flat. He wasn't in his own clothes anymore, and Phil and him didn't have such plain looking blankets.

 

Quickly, Dan pushed Phil and the pillow off of him, both of them landing on the other side of the couch. "Don't do that again! You could've suffocated me!" Dan berated, being careful with the volume of his voice.

 

"Sorry, but you probably woke Dil, and we kept him up really late last night, so you know."

 

Dan rolled his eyes, and he started to move into a sitting position. "Whatever. By the way, you have this really awkward bit of hair sticking straight up, mate." Phil pawed at his fringe as Dan made sure his was presentable.

 

Dan tried to stand up when his back screamed in pain. "Augh my back! This couch is the absolute worst!" Dan complained, stretching his sore back in an attempt to make it feel better.

 

"I know! It's like being stuck on an airplane. Do you think Dil will get us beds or something?" Phil asks, somewhat hopefully.

 

"I wish!" Dan sighed and then looked at his friend, his forehead creased in worry. "But I'm pretty sure we can't."

 

"Why not?" Phil asked.

 

"Well, unless Dil stumbles upon a lot of money, he's still broke. We can't afford a new bed, let alone two." Phil's shoulders sagged as the realization hit him.

 

"Oh right. Sort of forgot about that tiny detail."

 

"Yeah, I noticed. It's not like we have Tabitha bringing in the dough anymore. We're back at square one. But speaking of dough, should we make Dil some breakfast? I feel like it would be a really nice thing to do for him since we just sort of...showed up yesterday."

 

"That sounds like the nice, right thing to do, but are you sure we have the skills to actually cook for Dil? He is our resident chef." Phil reminded him as he tried to stand up.

 

"Hmmm, I guess you have a good point, but I still think we should do something really nice for him. We did sort of come in and totally change up his life. He's no longer that cool bachelor living alone trying to accomplish his mixologist dreams." Phil finally stood up, his back audibly - and painfully - cracking.

 

"Oh! That hurt! That hurt a lot, Dan!" Phil whined, his eyes scrunched up, and Dan laughed slightly.

 

"Maybe cool wasn't the right word to describe our combination." Phil ‘glared’ at Dan, looking more like a pouting child than a threat.

 

"Thanks Dan, that's so nice of you." He stuck his tongue out at his friend and turned around, making for the kitchen door.

 

"Where are you going?" Dan asked.

 

Without stopping, Phil replied, "I'm going to see if Dil has a coffee maker yet. I'll need my energy if I'm going to survive a full day in the Sims."

 

Dan sighed and managed to stand up with another shot of pain running down his back.

 

"Bloody hell!" He grumbled as he made his way into the kitchen. where an unsure Phil stood, his arms crossed and his forehead creased.

 

"He doesn't have a coffee maker yet." He mumbled, and Dan rolled his eyes.

 

"Well then why don't we buy a coffeemaker? It can't be that expensive."

 

"I thought about it but...how?

 

"How what?"

 

"How would we buy it?" Phil replied, and Dan's eyes widened.

 

"That's a good point. How do we buy _anything_ in this world? I mean, we don't seem to be able to control the game’s mechanics. How does anyone buy anything here?"

 

"Maybe there's a store that Sims go to and buy all their stuff from." Phil commented. "We went to a few of them with Tabitha once, didn't we?"

 

"Yeah, but that didn't have beds or furniture. Those had clothing and knickknacks."

 

"True."

 

Suddenly Dan's phone rang. A quick look at the caller ID showed that PJ was calling.

 

"Oh shit! PJ! We forgot to call him back!"

 

"Well answer it then!" Phil said hurriedly as Dan answered the phone.

 

"Heeeey, PJ buddy. How are ya?" Dan asked awkwardly. PJ, attempting to cover the fatigue and crankiness in his voice, answered.

 

"Well I feel as though I've been through hell, but otherwise I'm great. By the way, thanks for ignoring my phone call."

 

Dan sighed, "I'm sorry, PJ. Phil and I were trying to tell Dil the story of how he was conceived. By the way, your mind is gonna explode when we tell you-"

 

"Woah woah woah, hold up a second. Did you just say conceive?" Dan was about to explain when PJ interrupted him. "Never mind, that's a story for another time. Possibly never. For now, I need to tell you and Phil what I found out yesterday."

 

"Oh right! Okay so do they know anything?" Dan asked, glimmers of hope sparkling in his eyes.

 

"Weeeeeeell" PJ started, lowering Dan's hopes significantly. "Maybe you'll want to put Phil on the phone too, so I don't have to repeat anything."

 

Dan put his phone on speaker, and turned to the distracted Phil, who had been looking in the fridge. "Phil, say hi to PJ."

 

Phil turned around confused, until he saw the phone away from Dan's ear, and he realized what was going on. "Hi PJ! Did you know that Sims speak English! How cool is that?"

 

On the other line PJ tried to restrain some laughter, "That's really interesting Phil. It sounds like you two are having fun."

 

"Well as much fun as someone can have when they're trapped in a video game."

 

"Oh good you remembered that." PJ quipped, "Do you know how worried I was when Dil's emotion levels literally started spazzing out?"

 

"Huh?" Phil questioned, as him and Dan stared quizzically at the phone.

 

"Yeah! They were all over the freaky dizzle! I thought the game would explode, and you guys with it!"

 

"Hey hey hey, I know that must have been scary, but you told us to meet our Sim." Dan interrupted, but PJ quickly retorted.

 

"Yeah, meet him, not make him explode! I mean, what did you tell him to get such a reaction?"

 

"We told him we're his dads." Phil stated, and there was a brief silence on the other end.

 

"His dad's what?" PJ asked, and, once again, Dan face palmed. PJ was quick to figure it out though. "OH! Oh, well I guess that whole conceived thing makes a bit more sense now." Dan sighed and tried to get back on topic.

 

"Did you find out anything from EA?"

 

"Well...I did. Kinda. After going through a limitless amounts of ‘press this number for this stupid thing that I don't need right now,’ I was finally able to talk to a real person. Or a few real people. The bottom line was they kindaaaaaa don'tknowhowthishappened."

 

Dan's face went from holding on to the last shreds of hope to absolutely downright flabbergasted, and Phil, noticing his friend about to explode in a fiery rage, quickly subdued him, hand clamping down on his mouth.

 

"THEY DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED?" Dan bellowed, or attempted to as Phil kept a tight grip over his mouth to stop his friend from waking their Sim.

 

"What do you mean they don't know how his happened? This situation was literally in the manual!" Phil replied, panic lacing every word while still retaining some level of composure.

 

"I know, I know. The guy in charge of writing the manual kinda didn't do his job properly. Apparently, he just wrote down anything that came to his mind of what could happen and didn't test them, so the manual is pretty unreliable."

 

"Pretty unreli- but we're actually in the game! Whether or not he had made them all up doesn't matter if they actually happened! Who knows how many other people could've been affected!"

 

"Well...Revelmode has had our fair share of...Sim catastrophes."

 

Dan and Phil looked at each other for a second before Dan asked the obvious question, "What do you mean by 'Sim catastrophes?'"

 

"Well, the members who have popular Sims series were asked to try the machine, just like you guys! But weird things started to happen. When Mark tried it, he went into a -thankfully short- coma! Sean started having ‘episodes’ and would sometimes think he was a Sim. And Felix...well he doesn't remember what happened, but according to Marzia, he started to speak Simlish!"

 

"That's insane!" Phil yelped as Dan tried to form words, eventually spitting out, "But I literally talked to Felix the other day, he was just fine!"

 

"Well yeah, he's fine now. EA managed to help them all get back to normal." PJ tried to reassure, but Dan kept talking.

 

"But if the machine was doing all these weird things, then why isn't EA sending anyone to help?" Dan asked, followed by a slightly long pause. "PJ?"

 

"Umm yeah, so about that...they do."

 

"WHAT?" Dan shouted, his voice raising in pitch. Phil, despite being in shock, shushed his friend quickly, reminding him of their sleeping Sim.

 

"And did. Your rep's name is Angela. She got there a little while after I called EA. Nice girl actua-"

 

"WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR A REPRESENTATIVE?" Dan yelled as Phil's face contorted in deep thought, no longer focused on his friend's volume. "I didn't know about this! Did you..." Phil's guilty face said it all, and Dan sighed. "Um, Phil. Is there something you wanna tell me?"

 

"I might have gotten an email confirming that a representative would be coming a few days ago..." Phil admitted, and Dan glared at him. "I totally forgot about it though with all the excitement!"

 

"You forgot? Well that's just bloody brilliant! We're stuck here because you forgot about an email saying someone who knew how to work the machine was going to come over!"

 

"Well anything could've happened to us anyway! We just happened to get sucked into the game! And speaking of that, PJ, is EA doing anything to help us?"

 

"Way to change the subject, Phil." Dan grumbled, but he shut his mouth so he could hear PJ's response.

 

"Oh yeah, I'm actually at their headquarters now. They don't know how to get you out juuuust yet, but thanks to the recording you two left, they're able to at least see what happened. And Angela went through the machine's databases to figure out what was going on, so they're just figuring out all that stuff right now." PJ explained. In the background of the call, Dan and Phil heard a door open and someone yelling at PJ. They couldn't make out the actual words, but whoever it was sounded pissed off.

 

"Geez, alright Don. I'll be right in." The angry man left and PJ sighed into the phone. "Sorry bout that, Don's a pretty angry guy. I have to go, but I'll call you if I learn anything new, okay?"

 

"Alright Peej, thanks for everything," Dan thanked as the pair heard a soft bam, followed by a softer “Dammit" in the hallway.

 

"It sounds like we have to go too." Phil responded.

 

PJ laughed. "No problem. I'm just glad you two are fine! See ya!" There was a quick click as the kitchen door opened.

 

"Oh, there you guys are! Morning Dads!" Dil smiled cheerfully at the pair, not noticing Dan quickly stuffing his phone back in his pocket.

 

"Oh Dil! Good morning," Dan, silently cursing himself for jamming his phone in his pocket, quickly glanced at it to see what time his Sim had actually emerged from his bedroom. The screen read 11:20 am, "Or, good almost afternoon!"

 

"Hehehe thanks Dad. Did you guys have breakfast yet?" Dil asked, heading to the fridge to look at what he had available. It wasn't much.

 

"Um, well, no. Not yet. We're, um..."

 

"We don't really know how to work this oven. We had a different one back at our flat." Phil improvised. Dil looked back and forth at the pair before chuckling.

 

"Okay I guess I'll make us breakfast today. What would you guys like?"

 

"Oh whatever you got is good for us, Dilly!" Phil chirped, leaning on the breakfast bar. "We'll go shopping later though for more groceries!"

 

Dil shot Phil a sad smile before opening the fridge, all the while avoiding his fathers’ gazes. "That sounds nice, Dad, but I don't think I can afford more groceries. I just got a pretty big utility bill this morning-"

 

"What do you mean a pretty big utility bill? You were the only one living here until...recently." Dan questioned as Dil stare sheepishly at his bunny slippered feet.

 

"I may have a bad habit of leaving the stereo and all the lights on in my house all the time..."

 

"DIL!"

 

"Dan don't yell at him!"

 

"I'm not yelling!"

 

"Are too!"

 

"Oh whatever. But geez Dil, you need to break those habits. They're as bad as Phil's!"

 

"Hey! I don't have that many bad hab-" Phil cut himself off at Dan's death glare. "Okay okay fine, I have a few."

 

Dan turned back to his Sim, who was rubbing the back of his head, dejectedly. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'll try to be better."

 

Dan sighed. "I'm more concerned about you losing the house than your bad habits."

 

"Yeah, if you don't pay the bills, someone could come and take away all of your possessions so I worry-"

 

"They'd take the porcelain pig?" Dan interrupted, and Phil nodded.

 

"They'd take the porcelain pig."

 

"Wow, yeah that's way more scary than having my whole house being taken away. Obviously the bigger priority." Dil quipped sarcastically, causing the three to laugh.

 

Dil smiled and shrugged. "Don't worry, guys! I'll pay it, I promise! And then I'll try to stop leaving all the lights on and what not."

 

Dan and Phil looked at each other and smiled. "Alright Dil."

 

"Okay great! Anyway, would you guys like breakfast now, oooooor would you like a tour-"

 

"TOUR!" Phil shouted, Dan clapping his hands next to him.

 

"Tour tour tour tour tour tour!"

 

Dil laughed, "Wow, okay then! You two are really excited about seeing my house!"

 

"Well I mean, if we're going to be staying here with you, we should know how to work everything and where everything is!" Phil shrugged as Dil's face twitched in a mixture of happiness and shock.

 

"Stay...with...me?" His mouth turned into a half smile, but Dan started to go into a mental freak out.

 

"Um, just for a little while Dil! I mean...we....ummmm......our flat burned down...?" Dan looked to Phil for help, but Phil shrugged.

 

"Oh..." Dil's smile faltered a little before it returned. "Well, if it means helping my Dads during a tough time, consider this home!" Dil looked at the pair with a slightly uneasy expression. But before either Dan or Phil could comment on it, he started to smile and wave his arms around like Vanna White.

 

"But let's get on with the tour, starting here! This..." Dil waited a few seconds for dramatic tension, "is the kitchen, but you probably knew that."

 

"Woah! The kitchen!" Dan feigned shock as Phil gasped.

 

"I thought this was the gym! I was going to do some hardcore press ups here!"

 

Dil started to laugh, "Please don't!" When they all calmed down, Dil continued. "I don't have much food, but we can order our groceries and have them delivered within the hour, which is cool. I know that not all places do that. Anyway, since moving out of the orphanage, I've been teaching myself how to cook!"

 

"Wow, that's awesome Dil!" Phil complemented, smiling.

 

"Yeah, and I haven't burned down my house yet!"

 

Phil's smile slowly faded in fear. Dan sighed in relief, glad that his quick little white lie worked instead of needing to make up another long elaborate lie. The feeling didn't last long as Dil's uneasy expression returned.

 

"Speaking of, how'd the fire at your place start?"

 

Phil spoke up this time, shrugging. "I accidentally set fire to a stag heart."

 

"Phil those are called freakin microwave pastries! They're not stag hearts!" Dan whined.

 

"I'll stop calling them that when they stop looking like that." Phil retorted, and Dil smiled again.

 

"Well then maybe it's a good thing that I'll be doing the cooking. Anyway, this is the living room. TV remote and stereo remotes are under the coffee table, and feel free to try to make anything from the bar. There's plenty of juice back there, so knock yourselves out." Dil said before stopping. "Don't actually knock yourselves out though. That would be...weird."

 

"Why do you call it juice? Isn't it alcoholic?" Dan asked.

 

"Oh yeah," Dil shrugged. "Sorry, in Willow Creek, everyone calls it juice. Not quite sure why, I guess it's just one of those things." He shrugged, and moved the family through the hallway to a different room.

 

"This is the study. Or, it will be if I ever get anything else in here. So far I've got a book shelf and that desk. I'm thinking of getting a few hobbies and I'll obviously need a computer at some point."

 

"You could get a bonsai tree." Phil offered and Dil laughed.

 

"Oh yeeeeah, sounds like loaaaaaads of fun."

 

"Hey, it was just a thought. No need to get all sarcastic." Dan laughed, before looking at the desk. "Um, Dil?"

 

"Yeah?" Asked the Sim, not sure why his dad seemed slightly...moody now.

 

"Why are there plates in your study?"

 

"OH! I think those were Jeremy's. He's a cool kid, I used to babysit him for Aubrey back in the day."

 

"Okay well why are they just on your table?" Dan asked, angrier this time, and Dil felt a stab of shame hit him.

 

"I'll clean it up." Dil promised before he could stop himself.

 

"You better. I'd make you do it now but...I want to continue the tour."

 

They were about to walk away when Dil asked another question. "Yeah, um...wait, um I...um" He trailed off, causing Dan and Phil to cast worried glances with each other. Dil took a deep breath, and quickly asked "H-how did you guys find me? I mean, it's been years. How did you know where I was?"

 

Phil froze, looking like a deer in headlights. Dan wasn't much better but he sputtered out a response. "We....um, well we had gone to your old....adoption center!" Dan tried to hide his happiness at remembering the only other place Dil had supposedly lived his whole life.

 

"Honestly, we were more curious than anything if you were doing well and what not. They gave us your address while we were there and thought why not visit." Phil added.

 

"We were waiting to find out if anything could be salvaged from the fire and that was the phone call I got last night," Dan once again trying not to say it as if he was just figuring it all out. "We had just finished talking to our insurance agent, PJ, when you walked in. There's nothing they can do, and nothing can be saved....so we're...kind of...."

 

"Hoping you wouldn't mind some extra house guests for a little while?" Phil finished, finding the right way to phrase the situation. Dil finally gave the pair a full out smile, and hugged them.

 

"Hey, you're not houseguests." Dan and Phil gave each other a worried look before Dil laughed a little. "You two are family, and I'd be honored for you to stay with me. As I said, my house is your house!"

 

The three looked at each other before bursting out in laughter. "Dil that was so freakin corny!" Phil managed to say between gasps of air.

 

"Whatever, the point stands! Did you get to talk to Autumn?"

 

"Ummm I think? I'm not quite sure, I don't remember her name, do you Phil?" Dan quickly asked in an attempt to avoid another improv attempt. Phil shook his head.

 

Dil looked a little disappointed but shrugged it off. "In any case, there's one last thing to show you guys before we can start the day."

 

Dil led the two through his room again, mentioning that they can borrow any of his clothes if they wanted, and they filed into the bathroom.

 

"Okay so I'm going to assume you know how to use a toilet and sink, but you might not know how to use the shower, which is brand new by the way. So come over here."

 

The three squeezed close to the shower so they could all try to see.

 

"So here is the temperature and control switch. That's pretty standard on any shower. But Llama Corp. has this cool function for showers." He motioned to the knob above the temperature. "I'm not sure if you can read what it says, but there are three special functions-you know, beside the normal one-so far: brisk, thoughtful, and steamy."

 

"But what makes them brisk, thoughtful, and steamy?" asked Dan, almost worried for the answer.

 

"Well, I've only tried the steamy function since I've bought and installed the shower, but basically, the shower becomes a steam room for about five minutes, opening your pores or something, and then it switches to water and you take your shower."

 

"And that's it?"

 

"Well yeah. It's just a shower. And speaking of which," Dil tapped the bathroom door, "I'm going to take one, so..."

 

"Oh okay." Dan said casually as the pair just continued to stand there. Awkwardly.

 

"Ummm..."

 

"What?" Dan asked, slightly confused, until he realized why his Sim was growing very uncomfortable. "OH! Oh you want to shower! I'm sorry, we thought-you know what? It doesn't matter what we thought." At this point, Phil also realized what happened, and as his face grew red, he began to look everywhere but his Sim. "We'll just....um....y-you know-"

 

"We'll just go." Phil declared, pushing Dan out of the room, to Dil's relief. Once safely in the lounge, the pair finally trusted themselves to speak.

 

"What the hell is wrong with us!" Dan whisper yelled, not wanting to cause Dil to run into the room. "We just stood there! Why did we just stand there!?"

 

"Well I mean, it could be because we used to watch him shower all the time back home."

 

"Oh you mean as the omnipresent and all powerful Gods? You mean when he was censored so we couldn’t see anything? You mean when he couldn't see us and it didn't matter?" Dan stood up from the couch and started pacing around the room. "I can't believe we just stood there like idiots, Phil! What sort of idiots just stand there?"

 

"Um, us I guess?" Phil shrugged, "Look, it's all fine. It wasn't that bad."

 

"Not that bad! Our Sim thinks we're weirdos and creeps!"

 

"So? He's part us! And besides, we can just say that it was a delayed reaction and a lapse of sanity or something. It doesn't matter."

 

"I mean...are you sure Phil?"

 

"When haven't I been sure, Dan?" The pair stared at each other for a second as Dan cringed.

 

"Whatever. What should we do now?" Dan asked, beginning to pace. "What do Sims do in this world? What is there to do?"

 

Phil shrugged before pointing to the door. "We could see if there's any rocks to dig up."

 

Dan stopped and thought about that for a moment before shrugging. "Okay, whatever. Just let me change out of these pajamas."

 

"Oh yeah, that'd probably be a good idea." Phil agreed. The pair went to Dil's rooms and grabbed a fresh set of clothing. They separated to change and eventually meet back up outside, Phil beating Dan by a few minutes.

 

"So, do we have any special rocks?" Dan asks, finding Phil, just staring at the ground at the edge of their property. "I guess that's a yes."

 

Finally noticing Dan, Phil moves out of the way and starts pointing to the coolest rocks they've ever seen. They were tough and almost cream colored, almost like bones, with weird carvings ingrained into them. "DAN! Look at these!"

 

"Oh. My. God, those are incredible!"

 

"Aren't they cool? Do you think Dil knows about them?" Phil asked excitedly as Dan shrugged.

 

"Maybe. I'd turn around to ask but I know that there's a giant pervy window behind us and I don't want to turn around and have him think we're being weird again." Dan pointed out as Phil laughed.

 

"That window doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it?" Phil laughed, adding "We'll just find Eliza pressed up against it! Although maybe we should get some fencing or something to prevent that."

 

Dan rolled his eyes, "With what money, Phil? You're completely forgetting how broke we are."

 

"Oh, well....let me dream okay!" Phil whined, although it quickly turned into a laugh.

 

Dan chuckled before turning to a slightly more serious tone as the pair started to walk around the perimeter of the house. "Speaking of Eliza,  do you remember how Dil and her met?"

 

Phil thought for a second before shaking his head. "Doesn't Dil already know her? I mean he knew her before he met Tabitha."

 

"Yeah but Dil didn't meet Tabitha until after he tried to seduce Eliza. And Dil had his first house party last night and he was still trying to be with Summer. He didn't even invite Eliza, and he usually invites everyone he knows to his house parties."

 

"Well how are we going to prevent Eliza from meeting Dil if we don't remember how it happened?" Phil asked as they turned and walked down the other side of the house. "Also not to get off track, but the owl slide looks super cool!"

 

Dan laughed "It actually does! If I was an owl, I'd totally want to slide down that! Except we shouldn't cause then we'd die."

 

"Yeah that'd kind of put a shadow over our time here in Sim land."

 

"Oh you know, just a little bit."

 

The pair laughed, feeling a sense of familiarity with their banter when Dil called from the front door.

 

"Dads?"

 

"We're out back, Dil! We're looking at the owl slide!" Phil called back.

 

"The hideous owl slide." Dan snidely commented, though not loud enough for Dil to hear.

 

"I think it's majestic." Phil replied as Dil chuckled, before responding.

 

"Well whenever you're ready, I'm making brunch!"

 

"Oooh sounds fancy!" Phil grinned.

 

"We'll be inside shortly!" Dan yelled back, and the pair heard the door shut before they turned back to each other.

 

"So, what should we do when we can go back home?" Dan asked and Phil looked at him, his head tilted.

 

"You mean about Dil?" He asked and Dan nodded. "I don't really know yet. To be honest, I don't know what we should even tell him."

 

There was silence between the two before Phil continued. "I think we enjoy our time with Dil for now. We'll figure something out when the time gets closer."

 

"That's not much of a plan, but I guess that's better than nothing." Dan states, before pointing towards the front of the house, a small smile on his face. "Come on, why don't we go get some brunch."

 

The pair start to make their way towards the front of the house and walk in the front door when Phil turns to Dan again. "Is Dil good at cooking yet?"

 

"I don't remember."

 

Immediately they hear Dil drop something plasticy.

 

"But I guess we're about to find out!"

 

The pair open the door to see Dil quickly lean on the counter, like someone does when they're trying to "act casual."

 

"Hey guys! Find anything cool outside?" Dil smiled, but there was worry shining through in the back of his eyes.

 

Dan slumped down a little. "Diiiiil, what did you d-"

 

"Nothing!" Dil yelled, his response swift and slightly high pitched, before he cleared his throat. "Um, but, could one of you maybe, um...clean this counter for me?" Dil looked away, slightly shamefully.

 

Dan groaned, "Fiiiiine. Clean it up, Phil." Phil's mouth feel open, and he started to make noises of disbelief.

 

"What! Why? What did I do?"

 

"Nothing. I just think you should clean it."

 

"Oh fine, but you have to pick up the dishes on the other side of the house."

 

"Nooooo that's Dil's job." Dan corrected, turning towards Dil, who was busy working on the stove.

 

"I said I'll get them later, Dad."

 

Phil and Dan looked at each other in slight confusion, before Phil finally asked "What are you making us?"

 

"Huh? Oh it's eggs on toast. Sorry, I don't have much of anything else yet."

 

"Oh protein!" Phil chirped, grabbing a sponge from the sink to clean the counter.

 

When nobody said anything for a second, Dan chuffed. "As if we know anything about nutrition, Phil."

 

"Hey! I know what protein is!" Phil retorted, washing the counter.

 

"What is it Phil?" Dan asked, almost sassily. After a few seconds, Phil finally responded.

 

"It's proteinious."

 

The three grown men burst into laughter. "Is it a proteinious substance?"

 

"Yes!" Phil exclaims, followed by Dil asking, "Can proteinious be classified as type of nutrient for your body?"

 

"Well obviously!" Phil replied, as the three laughed.

 

"Science with Phil!" Dan sang.

 

"Okay but the real question is what type of eggs are we getting? Goose? Hen? Dragon?"

 

"Can mine be a unicorn's egg?" Dan asked, and Phil turned to him incredulously. "What? Have you ever met a unicorn who couldn't lay an egg? Didn't think so!"

 

Dil laughed, and shrugged. "Sorry guys, just classic store bought eggs for us! But maybe I'll find a unicorn one day for us to enjoy the eggs of!" Dil laughed, finishing up the eggs. He put them onto three plates before doing a quick wash of the pan, oiling it back up, and placing a few pieces of bread on it.

 

"Um...Dil? What are you doing?" Phil asked, slightly nervous.

 

Dil looked over his shoulder. "I'm making toast." He said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

"But why are you frying it?" Dan asked and Dil shrugged, throwing a half smile their way before turning back to his work.

 

"My old university roommate used to make toast like this all the time. Actually, he'd do more than just make the toast like this, he'd add these." Dil stopped for a moment, grabbing a bottle of olive oil and a shaker labeled "Dill Weed" from the top cabinet. Dil shook the two new ingredients onto the bread before flipping each piece with his spatula, and repeating the process on the other side.

 

"That can't be healthy." Dan commented, as Dil finished up making the toast and setting it on the plates with the eggs.

 

"It's not, but it's good! Or it should be." Dil smiled, handing a plate to his long term guests. "I present to you, Eggs on Dil Toast!"

 

"Dil toast?" Phil asked.

 

"Yeah, my uni roommate named it that. Probably out of revenge." Dil smiled fondly but Dan wanted to intervene.

 

"I'm sorry, re-"

 

"THAT'S SO GOOD!" Phil interrupted, mouth full of food. Dil smiled excitedly at him.

 

"I know right! Nobody expects it to be good when trying it the first time, but I did learn a few things to keep myself alive with food that isn't flavorless."

 

"Oh you don't know the half of flavorless. When we go to a restaurant with my grandma, she just pours a whole bottle of salt on her food, and we don't want to say anything, but then it's just like 'How can she enjoy that?'"

 

The two laugh, and Dil built on it "Like, how are you not melting like a slug?"

 

"Exactly!" Phil laughed and Dan just stared at the two, his mouth slightly ajar, but ultimately decided to forget the whole ‘revenge’ comment and eat his breakfast.

 

"This is really good, Dil." He praised, genuinely surprised.

 

"Thanks. I mean, I wanted our first breakfast as a family to be nice and...well good. I've cooked before- I mean I obviously need to eat- but I was only cooking for myself back then, and-"

 

"Dil, we basically have lived off of cereal for years. You could probably feed us anything and we would be happy." Dan said.

 

Phil quickly added, "However, you should learn to cook so you can have good food. And who knows! Maybe you'll meet a nice girl and sweep her off her feet with your cooking skills."

 

Dil laughed, finishing up his Dil Toast. "Heh, maybe. Although I've tried having flirting before and it hasn't gotten me anywhere yet. I even attempted to make Erica a cake to get her to like me. A FREAKIN CAKE! Shaped it like a hamburger too. But no, she's just evil."

 

Noticing his plate was empty, Dil was about to put it in the sink, but he stopped. Muttering something that kind of sounded like ‘the study,’ he made his way to the other room, earning confused stares from Dan and Phil.

 

"Dil? Where are you going?" Asked Dan, finishing up his eggs. Phil took their empty plates and placed them in the sink when Dil finally showed up, multiple plates in hand.

 

"What've you got there you messy tyke?" Phil asked, and Dil gave a slightly shameful look.

 

"Sooooo I might not have done a great job at cleaning up last night. I kinda kept finding new plates everywhere. And look! Mádame Yang actually left her ingredients for that bloody cake she never made on my bar! How rude can you get!" He complained, throwing out the now moldy ingredients and placing all the dishes into the sink.

 

"Well she is the worst caterer ever!" Phil laughed, but Dan just rolled his eyes.

 

"Dil! You can't have a party unless you're responsible to clean up after yourself. Think about what all our mothers said"

 

Dil laughed slightly uncomfortably, and scratched the back of his head. "Yeaaah, I guess. Unless your mother was in jail and your dads put you up for adoption. Then it's remember what the orphanage head said."

 

Dans face turned bright red. He began to stutter awkwardly, and refused to meet his Sim's mint green eyes as Phil awkwardly shifted his gaze from the two.

 

"D-Dan you alrig-" Phil started to ask when Dan abruptly changed the subject.

 

"SO PHIL AND I FOUND SOME COOL ROCKS OUTSIDE!"

 

"Rocks?" Dil asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Y-yeah! I mean, digging's fun! It's cool and it's exercise!"

 

"I don't think it's exer-"

 

"It's a great idea! A perfect typical Wednesday afternoon activity!" Dan looked everywhere but Dil, who was just staring at him like he was crazy. "I....I'll just go have a shower now."

 

Escaping from the room, Dan felt incredibly stupid and embarrassed. He paced around the room as Phil and Dil conversed a little bit longer, the sound of a crappy pop song just muffling them slightly.

 

Eventually, the annoying song ended, and an equally annoying DJ came on.

 

"And that was the top song of the week! Isn't it great that we can listen to that song on this glorious day! You should all seriously thank your radios-"

 

At this statement, Dan felt his anger boil over, and he snapped. "Fuck the radio!" The moment the words left his mouth, he heard the door open.

 

Dan turned around to find Phil wearing a concerned look on his face. He closed the door and Dan sighed. "Sorry, but seriously! Nobody is actually that stoked about crappy songs and life as much as radio DJ guy! And besides, it's such a death trap! It'll probably kill Dil one day. We should just sell the damn thing!" Dan ranted, snapping the switch off while Phil just stood there, watching his best friend, empathy in his eyes.

 

Eventually, Dan finished ranting and looked at Phil, his anger slowly fading to sadness.

 

"You alright?" Phil finally asked, and Dan sighed.

 

"Yes? No? It feels like one of those times when we'd be doing TATINOF, and I'd say something really stupid." Dan sighed, plopping down on the couch.

 

"Like the Dil-doll incident?"

 

"Yeah, something like that." Dan rubbed his face with his hands, and Phil plopped down next to him, waiting for Dan to continue so they could talk it out. "I'm a pretty shit father, aren't I Phil?"

 

"Well I don't know, Dan. I mean, we were sort of just thrown into this whole mess. It's not our fault that we aren't perfect at it yet."

 

"Yeah but is this what Dil needs? Two people who have no idea how to be parents trying to parent him? I mean out of all the stupid things that could've happened to us, why were we dragged into the game? Why us?"

 

The pair were quiet for a while, the only sound coming from the kitchen sink as Dil washed dishes. Dan rubbed his face in an attempt to soothe himself. "What....what if Dil resents us for apparently abandoning him as a baby? What would we do if he doesn't want us around anymore?"

 

"Dan, don't say that. Dil would never-"

 

"But what if he does? We apparently missed his entire childhood, Phil. And we'll never know what it was actually like since we-"

 

"Weren't sucked into the game to actually create a child because of two fictional characters you created for your YouTube channel?" Phil finished, and Dan half smiled.

 

"It does sound sort of ridiculous when you put it like that." Dan finally looked at Phil and smiled.

 

"I think that this-all of this-is just a crazy mess of circumstances. It wasn't our fault that we got dragged in here, but ever since we did, Dil's been overjoyed. I think us being here is good for him. And if he resents us for missing his childhood years, I bet he'd regret it if he kicked us out of his adulthood."

 

"I guess you're right." Dan admitted before thinking up a less heavy subject. "By the way, what did you tell Dil after my graceful exit?"

 

"Oh I just let him know that there really are cool rocks we wanted to dig up outside, and that you were still just adjusting to fatherhood."

 

"So basically, you were trying to prove to Dil that I'm not crazy?" Dan asked, a mix of sarcasm and sincerity coating his words.

 

"Well I don't think either of us are really sane, but in essence, yes." The pair laughed and then there was a crash in the kitchen.

 

"I think you should go handle this one, Phil. Considering his clumsiness comes from you, maybe having someone equally clumsy will make him feel better. I'm actually going to go take a shower now." Dan laughed, and Phil slumped into the couch.

 

"Fiiiiiine." Phil complained, and after Dan left the room, he then returned to the kitchen.

 

"Hey, Dil. I heard a crash and-WHAT HAPPENED?" Phil asked as a nervous Dil, looking slightly panicked as he pushed the stream of water from the broken tap back towards the sink, inevitably spraying himself, the counters, and the floors.

 

"I may have broken a bowl-"

 

"What? Dil you were doing so well-"

 

"Yeah I'm aware, can you grab my toolkit from under my bed?" Dil asks, exasperated, as more water splashed in his face.

 

"Yeah sure. Oh God, it's making such a mess." Phil said, edging out of the room to avoid getting his shoes wet and, after knocking to make sure Dan wasn't in the bedroom, ran in. Phil pulled out the toolkit, which wasn't closed well because when he lifted it up, the front fell open and numerous tools showered down directly onto Phil's barely protected foot.

 

"YE-OW!" Phil yelped, grabbing onto his aching foot and attempted to massage it through his shoe.

 

"Phil? You alright?" Dan called from the bathroom.

 

"Uhhhhh I guess?" Phil responded, although his voice was full of pain.

 

"Alright then." Dan responded, concern still in his tone, as Phil sat down. He put all the tools back into the container, properly closed it, and brought it to Dil as fast as he could.

 

When he got back to the kitchen, the water was still pouring out of the sink, covering the floor and soaking Dil.

 

"Hey Dad! You okay? I thought I heard you-"

 

"I'm fine, Dil. It wasn't that bad. Here's your tools." Phil handed the box to his Sim, who smiled gratefully.

 

"Thanks Dad! Okay now where's my wrench?" Dil quickly sorted through his tools, and pulled out a bright red wrench. He began to twist the faucet back into place, as well as the loosened handles, and eventually the water finally stopped.

 

"Okay. Okay! That was um...fun...?" Dil stammered awkwardly, carefully tip toeing through the water to get to the cabinet the microwave was placed on.

 

"What happened, Dil?" Phil asked as Dil gingerly knelt down, and pulled out a towel and a mop. When he stood back up, his face was red.

 

"I um....may have accidentally broken a dish, which knocked off the spout and then the handles were a bit loose so they weren't working....could you mop up please?" He asked passing the mop to Phil, who looked slightly shocked.

 

"Y-yeah sure, Dil. Does this happen a lot?" He asked, incredibly curious. The pair began to clean up all the water as Dil chucked.

 

"Yeah. I kinda break a plate everyday. And I was known in university as the sink destroyer. I kinda learned to keep a mop and some towels on hand near the sink for cases like these." Dil shrugged, drying off the microwave, laughing to himself. "I'll be honest, I can't believe I still have my job at Make a Dish. I keep breaking all their dishes, and I'm the head dishwasher!"

 

"They should remain it 'Break a Dish.'" Phil joked, but his face soon went neutral. "Don't feel bad, Dil. I've broken tons of stuff. This one time, Dan and I were playing this game called Bishi Bashi and I got so excited about almost winning that I bounced on our sofa bed and broke it."

 

"No way!"

 

"Yes way! It was so weird! And Dan once had this terrarium-"

 

"Nope! Nope, we are not telling Dil the terrarium incident! Nope!" Dan interrupted, walking back into the kitchen his hair still damp. His eyes went wide when he saw the mess. "What the hell happened in here?"

 

"I kinda broke a dish." Dil confesses shamefully, but quickly added "but I did find a common upgrade part!" Dil smiled, holding up a copper connecting tool. Dan rolled his eyes, playfully, and grabbed a towel.

 

"Of course you did. Well, let's clean this place up." Dan exclaimed in an attempt to pump the two up, and he started toweling off the water on the island, and Dil continued to dry the other counter and Phil the floor. Soon enough, the kitchen was back to normal.

 

"Well, that was fun." Dan quipped, and Dil snorted.

 

"At least now the kitchen looks amazing!"

 

"You can see your reflection in the counter...kinda." Phil squinted at the very blurry image of his face. "Although maybe we should have used soap-"

 

"No, no it'll be fine." Dil assured, quickly avoiding eye contact by looking at the ceiling. "Um, what were you guys saying about rocks?"

 

"Oh! There are these cool rocks with bones and we want to know what treasures they'll contain!" Phil explained, excitedly.

 

"We should go dig them up!" Dan added, "Like right now!"

 

"But I kind of need another shower-"

 

"You can shower later." Dan interrupted Dil, and basically started to push him outside.

 

"Well if we're doing this now, can I at least grab my gear for this?" Dil complained, and Dan stopped for a second.

 

"Gear?" He asked, looking at Phil, who was just as confused as he was.

 

Dil turned around and after moving some tools around, picked up a dirty blue washcloth, rolled up in an effort to protect its contents.

 

Dil was about to set it down on the counter, but came to the realization that they literally just cleaned it. So in an awkward attempt to not get anything dirty, he unrolled the cloth in his wet hands. However, every time he unwrapped a bit of it, he fumbled it, getting his already wet shirt covered in dust and mud.

 

"Um Dil?" Dan tried to interrupt Dil from destroying his iconic t-shirt when he finally managed to get it open fully.

 

"I forgot how intricately my landlord tied it." He admitted, and held up two slightly dusty pieces of metal. "This is a rock chisel and this is the hammer that goes with it. It's used so that you don't destroy a rock while you're digging it, and it'll help you uncover things with more precision."

 

Dan and Phil looked at Dil, their mouths hung open.

 

"Well I'm just blown away." Dan finally announced, after the shock settled in.

 

"How do you know this, Dil?" Phil asked, interested. Dil smiled fondly and shrugged.

 

"I...uh...I used to do this a lot when I was younger. Me and Summer would go out into her mom's garden and dig all the rocks we found!" Dil gave the tools a sentimental look and then started towards the door. "Well what are we waiting for?"

 

It was only after Dil was out of the kitchen did the duo fully comprehend everything he had just told them.

 

"Dil wait!" Phil called, chasing after him into the front hall, Dan following behind.

 

"Um...what?" He asked, confused, and Dan, out of breath, finally sputtered "You...and....Summer?"

 

"As in Summer who was here last night Summer?" Phil added.

 

"Ummmmm yes?" Dil shrugged, and continued to the side of his house, the pair following, still confused. "Oh gee that window really is big. I should replace it."

 

"I'm sorry, now is not the time to be discussing architectural decisions and design. You knew Summer as a child?" Dan questioned, getting more and more frustrated.

 

"What he means to say," Phil interceded, "is that we're surprised to know that you and Summer were childhood friends. After that weird fight and tensions and cattiness yesterday, we assumed that you didn't like each other."

 

"Oh. Well um, we are sort of in the middle of a fight right now, but we've always sort of been like this I guess. We met through the orphanage. She was Autumn's daughter. Oh, Autumn was the woman who ran the orphanage back in the day. She was incredibly nice, but then again, it's kind of disappointing to live your whole life in the orphanage. But she and Summer made it bearable. Autumn was basically my surrogate mother, and Summer....well I guess we sort of were childhood sweethearts."

 

"SHUT UP! You and Summer! Really?" Dan cried, and Phil's hands flew to his mouth, his bluey-green eyes wide.

 

"Ummm well kinda. I was never the most popular kid, but Summer didn't care. At least, not that much. She had other friends, cooler and older friends who didn't really like me. But when we were growing up...well I was always the only one who was always around, so we just became close friends. As kids, she would dress me up and we would have tea parties together. Then I would convince her to go to the library with me to learn about nature and video games and science. I'd basically nerd out with her, and she was pretty cool about it. We would sometimes go out and play "scientist" or "explorer" and try to name different species of plants and animals, and if we didn't know the name of one, we'd make it up!

 

"Eventually, on one of my birthdays, Autumn gave me a junior version of this rock chisel and hammer. She'd send us out and we would dig up all the rocks we found. We didn't know what we were really doing, but it was a lot of fun!" Dil smiled, as he got down on his knees in front of the rock. "It's been a long time since I've dug up a rock though."

 

Dan and Phil sat down next to their Sim, smiling. "Well...what're you waiting for?" Phil asked, a huge grin on his face, rivaling only Dan's.

 

Dil laughed and held the two instruments in his hands. "Okay so to use a chisel and hammer, you hold the chisel in your dominant hand, for instance my right, and the hammer in your other hand. This type of rock is easy to break if you do it correctly, but you need to be careful not to damage whatever is inside it. If anything is inside it." Dil lined up his hands, and with a concentrated look on his face, he looked around the rock. "If you're lucky, there should be two major points on the rock where the whole thing will collapse, revealing the object."

 

It was quiet for a moment as Dil searched for the spots. Dan was going to be nice and stay quiet, letting his Sim do his work, when Phil started singing the Jurassic Park theme song.

 

"Dodo dooo do do..." he started, and Dan ultimately decided to join him. "Dodo doooo do do. Dodoo Doooo, doDooooo, doDooooooooooo-"

 

"Why are you two singing the Mesozoic Reserve theme song?" Dil questioned, a smile breaking onto his face, breaking his focused facade making him look more like the Sim they knew and loved.

 

"Mesozoic Reserve?" Dan questioned before realizing that he meant Jurassic Park. "Oh riiiiiiight. Yeah, it just seemed right. I mean, who knows. We could find a dinosaur."

 

"I would just be happy if we found some gold." Phil admitted, and the three of them laughed as Dil tapped the rock one last time causing the outer shell to fall away. "Wow, you might actually be right about that dinosaur, Dad!" Dil proclaimed, pulling another rock out of the rubble. "This is limestone. If it was smaller, then it wouldn't mean anything. However a limestone this size usually contains a fossil."

 

Dil held the stone tightly in his hands, and started to dig into the rock with his fingers. "I...I know a way to do this without breaking the fossil. Using the chisel is too risky. But if I can just....get....this- there we go!" The top finally released, breaking enough for Dil to find the fossil.

 

"You are really good at this, Dil!" Phil complimented.

 

"It's like a shockingly scary talent. Only really cool and not that scary." Dan added, and winced slightly when Dil used his shirt to clean the rock debris that had fallen into the fossil. "So um what did we find?"

 

Dil's eyes went wide and a huge smile split across his face. "It's a sea monster fossil! I've only seen one once before. THIS IS SO COOL!"

 

"Can I look at it Dil?" Phil asked, and Dil gently handed it over to him. "Oh wow, it's so detailed!"

 

He passed it to Dan, just as gently, and Dan smirked "It kinda looks like an iguana."

 

Dil snatched it back, and pet it slightly. "No, it's a sea monster. I'm sure of it."

 

Dan rolled his eyes but gave in to his Sim's unwavering belief. "Alright. Now let's dig up that other rock."

 

Resuming their excavation and their off-key song, Dil dug up the second rock. It took significantly less time to carve out what was inside. After wiping away the rubble, all three of the people's eyes widened.

 

"It's a mysterious capsule." Dan stated nonchalantly, as Dil and Phil looked at the incredible discovery.

 

"What could be inside it? Why was it buried?" Dil wondered.

 

"Maybe, it's a pirate's old buried treasure. Or it could be placed here by aliens."

 

Dil looked at Phil with an incredulous look. "You believe in aliens?"

 

Phil returned the look, "You don't?"

 

"Boys boys come on. Look at the years listed on the top. It's obviously a time capsule, from 2007 it looks like." Dan interjected, pushing off the dirt from the top to show the dates.

 

"Oh well...should we leave it buried? I'd feel weird about opening someone else's time capsule." Dil confessed.

 

"Yeah, it feels kind of wrong." Phil agreed and Dan shrugged.

 

"I'm still curious-"

 

"Oh I am too." Phil admitted and Dil nodded.

 

"I just don't think we should...you know..."

 

"Yeaaaaah," Dan sighed, "you're probably right. But we might as well bring it inside and bury it again in the morning."

 

They agreed and finally stood up, Phil holding the capsule and Dan holding the fossil, and they made their way back into the house.

 

"So what next Dilly?" Phil asked, placing the capsule down next to the bar.

 

Dil shrugged. "You guys can start channel surfing I guess. I need the bathroom, so start without me." Once they were inside the house, Dil ran into his bedroom, leaving Dan and Phil in the hallway.

 

"Well, let's go see what's on TV."  

 

"Yeah, sure why not." Dan acquiesced. The pair strolled into the living room, putting their new items down around the bar, and turned on the TV. Phil had he remote, and currently they were just flipping through channels when Dil burst into the room, and into the kitchen.

 

"That was quick Dil." Phil mentioned, but Dil didn't really respond. From inside the kitchen, they heard a bunch of loud banging sounds, and Dil yelping. "YE-OW!"

 

The two YouTubers were on their feet in no time, and burst into the kitchen to see their Sim scowling on the floor, his tools surrounding him.

 

"You okay Dil?" Dan asked as Phil gave him a half smile, and got on the floor and started to pick up the fallen tools.

 

"Yeah I'm fine," Dil responded, sounding slightly disappointed. "I just got too excited and didn't close the tool kit and-"

 

"It's alright Dil. I did the exact same thing earlier. It's in your DNA." Dil chuckled as Phil handed him the tools.

 

"That's what you did! I thought that you broke a crate of something." Dan prodded, and Phil laughed.

 

"Not yet!" Dil pressed on his hurt foot, and, deciding that it was going to be fine, stood up.

 

"Thanks guys! I'll be in the bathroom!" Dil ran off, leaving the two there to question what he was up to.

 

"Shall we continue our ‘research’ of what Sims watch?" Dan asked and Phil nodded.

 

"I want to know what their version of Buffy is!" Phil grinned, and Dan laughed.

 

"I'm sure it's something like 'Fluffy the Werewolf Hunter.'" Dan quipped and they went back to the living room. They watched a few different Sims versions of shows, such as Uptown Betty and Help! I'm a Werewolf Now! It was entertaining enough but Phil kept getting distracted by the capsule.

 

"I wonder what's inside it! It looks so mysterious!" He finally said during a commercial break, and Dan rolled his eyes.

 

"Phil it just looks mysterious, but it's a time capsule. You know what's usually in those." Dan reminded him, flipping to another new channel, this one having a giant blue bunny hopping around the screen.

 

Phil groaned, finally putting two and two together. "Not the My Sims trophies."

 

"Yes, the My Sims trophies." Dan gloated, changing the channel again and finding a Delia Smith lookalike.

 

"That's so anticlimactic." Phil complained, and Dan shrugged.

 

"Look at it this way, maybe there will be a cool reason behind it?" Phil thought this over and shrugged.

 

"We'd still have to deal with it." They were quiet for a little bit, watching Delia when they heard the toilet flush.

 

"Um Phil?" Dan asked, a slightly concerned look on his face. "How long ago did Dil go to the bathroom?"

 

Phil pressed the info button on the remote, showing the time. It had been a little over hour.

 

"Bloody heck how long does it take a Sim to pee?" Dan's face contorted in confusion and concern as Phil stood up. "Where are you going?"

 

Phil turned around and shrugged. "I'm going to make sure Dil is okay."

 

"Oh," Dan thought for a split second and stood up. "Yeah we should probably do that." Dan followed Phil into the bedroom, where Phil knocked on the bathroom door.

 

"Hey Dil? You okay in there?" He called, and the door almost immediately opened.

 

"Yup! Yup yup yup everything's fine. Nothing going wrong in here at all! So did you find something to watch? I'm pretty sure Duffy the Witch Warrior is going to be on soon, if you're interested in that type of thing." Phil's eyes widened slightly at the mention of the Sim's version of Buffy, but Dan spoke up first.

 

"Dil you were in the bathroom for about an hour. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

 

"Yeah, and why did you need your tools?" Phil added.

 

Dil shuffled awkwardly before admitting "Sooooo I was about to go to the bathroom when I realized that I could upgrade my toilet to have a better flush; a superior flush, if you will." Dil looked at the YouTubers' faces, looking for any hint of response or understanding or anything. Finding none, he continued, "So I grabbed my tools and upgraded the toilet, and then....I um.....well I tested it out."

 

Dan and Phil stared for a second longer before Dan snapped out of it. "That's cool."

 

Dil looked at him, slightly shocked at his nonchalant behavior towards his achievement. "W-what?"

 

"Yeah, it's cool. Pretty impressive if you can just look at your toilet and know you can upgrade it."

 

"Well I mean there's a little more to it than just-"

 

"Yeah, you're quite the little nerd." Phil complimented, but Dil's heart sank.

 

"W-what-" He barely responded when Dan started to agree.

 

"Yeah! I mean, you know so much about rocks and digging and you can upgrade your toilet to have a superior flush. Whatever mythical thing is in that time capsule has nothing on that." Dan joked, accompanied with dramatic hand motions.

 

Dil felt himself tense up as the two laughed. "Ummm thanks?"

 

"No problem Dil. Now how about we go watch something."

 

"Yeah like a family TV time!" Dan agreed.

 

Dil forced a smile onto his face and nodded. "Yeah sure that um...we can do that."

 

"Okay well what should we watch?" Dan asked enthusiastically, putting Dil on the spot.

 

"Well, I'd be down for anything," Phil interrupted, "although I'm intrigued by that Duffy show you were talking about." Phil hinted at intently, causing Dan to playfully roll his eyes at him.

 

However Dil could feel his stomach turn when he thought about the nerdy shows he usually watched, and shook his head. "It, ummm...it doesn't air right now." Clearing his throat slightly, he said in a slightly deeper register, "How about we watch some sports."

 

Dan and Phil looked at each other with slightly shocked gazes. Their Sim wanted to watch sports? They were slightly concerned, and genuinely confused. Or maybe it was genuinely concerned and slightly confused. Or maybe it was both, but nevertheless, they didn't want to dissuade Dil from the shows he really liked.

 

"Um alright," Dan attempted to stay positive, despite his disinterest in most sports, "Lead the way."

 

Dil led the two back to the living room and sat down, grabbing the remote. As he started flipping through channels, Phil spoke up.

 

"Um, I'm starting to get hungry. I'm going to make myself a snack. You want anything Dil?"

 

"Uh, no I'm good. Thanks Dad." Dil declined, his eyes never leaving the TV.

 

"I want something so I'll come with you." Dan quickly interjects before basically pushing Phil into the kitchen.

 

They were quiet for a second as Phil started searching the cabinets for popcorn.

 

"Hey Phil?" Dan eventually asked, unable to handle the quiet anymore.

 

"Yeah Dan?"

 

"Do you know anything about sports?"

 

Phil mulled the question over for a little bit before laughing. "Barely."

 

Dan sighed. "Yeah, me either. What are we going to do? What if Dil thinks we're lame?"

 

Phil shrugged, finally finding the popcorn. "You know, it's really cool that he can upgrade a toilet by looking at it."

 

Dan laughed, rolling his eyes. "It's a talent that we all wish we had."

 

"Hey, come on. I'm serious. It's impressive." Phil whined, putting his popcorn into the microwave.

 

"I know. But Dil's whole day has been impressive. I mean, what has he done today?"

 

"Well let's see, he's cleaned up his party, fixed the sink, upgraded the toilet, dug up some rocks-"

 

"Exactly. That's more than I do on my days off. My typical day off is usually like wake up, stay in pajamas, assume the browsing position on the couch, get up for food."

 

Phil laughed, and the popcorn started popping. "So what are we going to do about the sports?"

 

Dan shrugged, and turned to return to the living room. "I guess we'll have to just fake it." Phil groaned and snickering, Dan returned to the living room.

 

"Hey! You find the sports channel yet?" Dan asked when he noticed his Sim playing video games on his phone.

 

Looking up suddenly Dil gave a slightly uncomfortable smile and shook his head.

 

"No, I think my remote might be busted." Dil then started to hit the back of it, and Dan picked up the remote. He started to press the channel buttons, discovering that they worked just fine.

 

"Hey, I think you fixed it." Dan smiled, trying to be encouraging. He started to flip through the channels, one by one, waiting for Dil to mention when he found the right channel.

 

Meanwhile, Dil started to feel self conscious. It was obvious his TV was less than great, and the fact that Dan hadn't mentioned it yet was making him squirm.

 

"Sorry, my TV is sort of awful."

 

"Oh, it's okay Dil." Dan shrugged, as Dil looked at him. Nobody had ever just shrugged his weird TV off like that. It was a conversation starter, like the pig.

 

"I-It was in the kids section, which means it was pretty cheap-"

 

"That's okay. Honestly it's kind of awesome." Dan's eyes were focused on the screen, trying to find any indication of sports. Dil felt himself cringe, he found his crap TV awesome?

 

Finally after flipping through the channels five more times, Dil heard a voice over announcer declare that they were watching SMSPN, or Sports and More Sports Networking Program.

 

"Stop you found it." Dil mentioned as the opening credits for the next broadcast started.

 

"PHIL! GET IN HERE OR YOU'RE GOING TO MISS IT!"

 

There was an "ACK" from the kitchen, and a few seconds into the title sequence, Phil ran in with his snack. He plopped down on the other side of Dil, slightly suffocating him on the small couch.

 

Nobody said a thing until the words Figure Skating at Iceberg Skating Palace appeared. Then Dil's face went completely red.

 

"I-I um, I didn't, um...I can-"

 

"You didn't tell us it was figure skating!" Dan smiled, him and Phil feeling slightly relaxed. At least it was a sport they had watched an anime about.

 

"I-I didn't know..." Dil shrugged when the episode finally started. He was about to offer to change it, but Dan and Phil were already into the show.

 

Similarly, Dil had a fondness for figure skating; it was like theater on ice. But despite actually trying to focus, Dil's mind started to wander. Specifically to his Dads' weird reactions to everything.

 

Not that they weren't nice and supportive and caring; Dil already knew they were just from spending the quickly dwindling day with them. But how did they always seemed to understand his weird life, a life that he knew most people had trouble adapting to. To them, the penguin TV wasn't weird, the porcelain pig was already a treasured member of the household. They liked to dig rocks even if they didn't understand how, and he couldn't remember if they even mentioned his insane roof. The bare hallway was acceptable, and upgrading the toilet was shrugged off. Hell, his first moments with his parents occurred when he was in a hot dog suit and the only thing they did normally was laugh!

 

Throughout the show, Dan and Phil made comments to each other, sometimes about the costumes of the contestants, sometimes about their routines. They kept mentioning people named Yuri and Victor, laughing every few comments.

 

Dil's eyes scanned Dan's face without really trying to catch his eye. He looked normal. He scanned Phil's face next. He may be more vampire-esque, but otherwise he looked normal too. They looked like him, and he considered his looks one of the most normal aspects of himself.

 

So why weren't they disturbed or confused by his less than normal life?

 

"Dil?" Phil asked, finally getting the Sim's attention.

 

"Huh? Oh!" Dil noticed that they were in the middle of a commercial break as the TV tried to sell him more Llama Corp products that he couldn't afford. "How are you liking it?"

 

"It's awesome, I thought that third girl's outfit was pretty pizazz." Dan enthused.

 

"Oh please, her routine was nothing compared to that last one. They were on fire!"

 

"Maybe that's why they cut to commercial. They had to refreeze the ice." Dan snarkily replied, and the two burst out laughing.

 

"What about you Dil? Who was your favorite?" Phil asked, but Dil was back in his own world again. He feels like an octopus he saw in a nature special once; the octopus kept trying to squeeze itself through a tiny tube in order to escape his enclosure, but despite the laws of nature saying he could do it no problem, he got stuck anyways. Dil had never related to that squid as much as he did at that moment.

 

"Dil?" Dan asked, to no response.

 

"Dil? Are you alright?" Phil asked, concern lacing each word. Dil finally looked back and forth at them, and realized that both their eyes were squarely on him.

 

In an awkward attempt at shrugging it off, Dil put a smile on his face and chuckled.

 

"Heheh! Sorry, guess I've been distracted by the time capsule."

 

Dan and Phil returned their attention to the long forgotten box, sitting next to the bar.

 

"What about the time capsule?" Dan asked, and Dil fought to keep his fake smile on his face.

 

"Well I-I think we should open it!" Dil felt awful saying those words, but there was no going back now. Besides, he was curious as to what could possibly be inside.

 

Dan and Phil looked at each other, trying to see if either one wanted to object to the oddly behaving Dil. Ultimately, neither did, so Phil went to pick up the capsule again.

 

"Where do you want to open it?" Phil asked, and Dil felt his heart drop slightly when he realized his parents were seriously going to let him open someone else's time capsule.

 

"Ummmm how about outside? You know...just in case it explodes the world." He suggested.

 

"Yeah you never know if it'll have a Terminator in it. Or something, I'll get the doors." Dan went ahead, and started holding open the doors for Phil.

 

"I'll be right there," Dil called, heading to his bedroom. "I'm just going to get something to open it."

 

Dan shrugged as he followed Phil outside. The sun was dipping just below the trees and roof tops, casting long dark shadows over the streets and lawns. A slight chill began to settle in the air, making Dan wish that he had brought a coat.

 

Phil shivered. "When'd it get so cold?"

 

"Hmmm, I'm not sure Phil. Maybe it was when the sun went down?" Dan sassed, willing himself to stop being cold, but ultimately failing.

 

Soon enough Dil returned, a crowbar in hand. He quickly recoiled at the weather.

 

"Shi-shoot! I...um I forgot that it was going to start getting colder during the evenings. Okay are you two ready to open this thing up?" Dil asked, forcing confidence into his actions.

 

"Yup. Let's crack this baby open! Oh yeah! Adventure!" Dan cheered encouragingly, and Dil started to feel slightly better. Slightly.

 

"Well I wouldn't really call this an adventure." Dil drawled, a playful smile returning to his face.

 

"Dil's right. It's more of a discovery! Who knows what secrets 2007 held!" Phil agreed, laughing in an almost carefree way.

 

"Well whatever you want to call it, let's do this thing. It's freezing out here." Dan complained as a gust of wind chilled the trio.

 

"Agreed!" Dil replied quickly, not wanting to waste his sudden courage, and he jammed his crowbar into the top of the capsule. Dil pushed down on the crowbar, waiting for the top to lift, but the lid wouldn't budge. Dan and Phil sat down to try to hold the capsule steady as Dil tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge.

 

"Come on Dilly!" Phil encouraged, "You've almost done it!"

 

"Yeah, Dil! Work those muscles!"

 

Dil, growing more and more tired, practically threw himself onto the crowbar, and felt relieved when he felt the top pop off a bit. He collapsed onto the ground in front of the container, and tore the rest of the lid off. The only thing inside the capsule was a blanket wrapped bundle.

 

Dil took out the curious object and started to unwrap it, revealing a statuette of a girl.

 

"It is...a little doll...of a girl." Dan remarked flatly, unimpressed.

 

"That's...weird." Phil commented, but Dil was smiling, half amused by the doll. He shook out the blanket, and a little piece of paper fell out.

 

"What's that Dil?" Dan asked, and Dil laughed.

 

"Oh my God, this is from that kids cartoon back in the day! It's Poppy!" Dil looked at his fathers' faces, once again trying to find some recognition for his nostalgic television show. There was none. "Oh my God, you two missed out on all the shows!"

 

"So our fans keep reminding us." Dan mumbled to Phil as Dil threw the capsule away, returning to the doll.

 

"Oh my God, the card is still the same!" Dil smiles, and hands it to Phil, who held it out so Dan could read too. "If you bought the doll, it came with this little bio about the character."

 

It read: "Poppy thinks flowers are totally, awesomely cute. Working in the flower shop and playing with her sister, Violet, are Poppy's favorite things ever. She really loves flowers, and she loves rainbows. And stickers."

 

"Wow....sounds cool." Dan lied, but Dil laughed.

 

"Okay, it wasn't the coolest show but Summer..." Dil's smile faded again, and he forced a laugh. "Summer loved the show. But that doesn't matter ‘cause she's angry at me." Dil picked up the statuette and brought it inside, followed closely by Dan and Phil. He walked to the bar and placed it on the side, turning it at an artsy angle.

 

"There, that looks cool, right? If Summer ever comes over again, it'll be a fun trip down memory lane!"

 

Dan and Phil share a glance, and Phil starts to try to comfort his Sim. "Dil-"

 

"I'm going to take a shower. I'm absolutely disgusting." Dil says quickly, avoiding his parents as he leaves the living room.

 

The YouTubers share a glance again before Dan gestures at the TV. "You wanna keep watching that ice skating competition?"

 

Phil glances at the door, before shrugging. "I guess."

 

They sit in uncomfortable silence for a little while, the only noise being from the competition, when Phil finally spoke up.

 

"Did Dil seem normal to you?"

 

"When? Just now or the past few hours? Because he's seemed to be slightly uncomfortable for a little while now." Dan remarked, and Phil cringed.

 

"I know but this thing with Summer. I mean, she seemed pretty decent when she left yesterday. What could've happened between then and today?" Phil's face was full of worry, and Dan sighed.

 

"I have no clue, Phil. That seems like a thing we should ask Dil."

 

"Yeah but he's been pretty standoffish and acting odd since he upgraded his toilet."

 

"Yeah I know, but I don't know why-"

 

"Why what?" Dil asked, walking back into the room, a gym bag tucked neatly under his arm.

 

"Um nothing, Dil." Dan quickly said before pointing to the bag. "Are you going somewhere?"

 

"Oh um, yeah. I was going to go to the gym. You know, get in better shape and what not. I haven't been keeping up on any exercise since college. Then again, I'd probably need a new gym membership or something."

 

Dan and Phil look at each other, eyes slightly wide. "Wow Dil," Phil comments. "That's impressive. Way to take initiative."

 

"Do you want us to come with or...?" Dan trails off and notices Dil stiffen up a bit.

 

"Oh um, no that's fine. Besides, I need you guys to stay here. We're kind of low on money, so I sold the sea monster fossil-"

 

"Dil you did what?" Phil's mouth falls open and Dil smirks a bit at it.

 

"Well, I mean it's not like we need it. Anyway, I sold it for $50, and the guy will be around soon to get it. Remind me, I have to show you have to buy groceries and stuff later!"

 

Dan and Phil look at each other, confused, and are about to argue Dil's abrupt leaving when he turned around.

 

"Anyway, I'll be back later. Don't wait up! See you later bye!"

 

"Um bye?" Dan called after his Sim as he walked out of the house, closing the door firmly behind him. "Phil?"

 

"Yeah Dan?"

 

"That was weird right?"

 

Phil nodded, and the pair returned to their TV program. A little while later, a man knocked on the door and Phil stood to get it.

 

"Hey, I'm here for the sea monster fossil?" The guy asked, pushing his glasses back up to the top of his nose after Phil opened the door.

 

"Oh right, my Si-son mentioned you'd be coming. Um, Dan?" Phil called.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Can you get the fossil?" Dan groaned, but Phil heard him get up anyway. He then turned back to the man in the door and attempted to make small talk. "So do you like fossils?"

 

The man shook his head, "Naw, I'm getting this for my girlfriend. She's crazy about weird shit like this."

 

"Oh. Is she nice?"

 

"Yeah I guess. Pretty hot though. Not sure if I'm going to keep her around for long yet." The guy shrugged and Dan finally emerged with the fossil.

 

"Sorry, sorry! I had forgotten where I put it." Dan apologized and the man shrugged.

 

"It's alright, I don't really need to be anywhere for a little while longer. Here's your pay." He handed Phil the $50.

 

"It's no problem Mr..."

 

"Oh please. Just call me Leroy." He shook both of the men's hands, "Have a good night gentlemen." He left, and after closing the door, Dan turned to Phil.

 

"He seemed a little weird."

 

Phil laughed, "I just seem to attract those kind of people."

 

"Well let's hope that Dil doesn't. Otherwise he'll be running into Eliza in no time." Dan went back into the living room, and smirked at Phil. "Speaking of Dil, how many press ups can you do?"

 

"What does that have to do with Dil?" Phil laughed.

 

"You'll see! Now how many? I can do like four." Dan asked, laughing as well.

 

"I think I can do about 11 if I tried." Phil answered and Dan laughed harder. "What?"

 

"Oh, Dil doesn't stand a chance at the gym. He's just going to attract weirdos and fail at sports like us." They laughed for a little bit and started to relax again. Suddenly though, Phil remembered something.

 

"Oh my God, Dil _did_ meet Eliza at the gym!"

 

"Wait, what?" Dan asked as Phil started to panic.

 

"He met Eliza after he was rejected by Summer. Dil went to the gym and he met Eliza and-"

 

"Oh my God he's about to fall in love with Eliza!" Dan screamed and started searching for his shoes. "We have to go. We have to stop him right now!"

 

"But Dan, he seemed pretty keen on us staying here-"

 

"And I'm pretty keen on not having someone stalking our house! Now hurry up and get your shoes on. We're going after our Sim!"

 

Phil sighed, picked up his shoes, and grabbed two hoodies. "Fine, but I'm not sure how you expect us to get-" before he could finish his statement, Dan ran out the door, slamming it shut.

  
A few seconds later, he reentered, slightly embarrassed. Phil handed him a hoodie. "We better get walking."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, a few things:
> 
> 1) I was originally post chapter 2 as one chapter. Maybe I would've gotten the first half to you guys and then gone back, edited it to include the second half, and then post a chapter saying "Hey! New chapter, just go back" and then turned that chapter into the chapter 2 bonus chapter.
> 
> ....but that's really complicated, and this chapter was long enough.
> 
> So like I originally did for the prologue and chapter one, I'm just splitting the chapter into two parts.
> 
> I don't know if I'll be doing this for all the chapters (since this is the first full episode I'm covering, I don't know just yet), but it's how I'm going to do it for this chapter.
> 
> 2) New chapters will be posted once a month. If I do two a month, it's a miracle. But I need time to think up the conversations and scenarios to fit with the plot, and then time to edit it. There won't be a set day each month (I mean, just look at how close I got with this month), but it will be once a month.
> 
> 3) I just want to thank everyone who has commented, kudosed, bookmarked, or read my story. I know I made you guys wait a long time for a new chapter, but I hope it was worth it!
> 
> 4) Just a quick question you can answer in the comments please: Would you guys mind if I do a noncanon bonus chapter that's the equivalent of a shit post?
> 
> 5) Does anyone else remember My Sims? I had most of the games and I was OBSESSED!
> 
> Alright lovelies, that's all I have for you this month. Get psyched for gym time with Dil, gaggles of people with poor posture, and everyone's favorite stalker!
> 
> I'll see y'all next time!


	6. PJ and the Not Open World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 months without uploading, she's back with an OVA  
> That no one even asked her for, are you sure that's OK?  
> (Editor: eeeeeeeeeh?)  
> But now that I'm back, prepare for the power of me.  
> I'm planning chapters, are you ready? Count them: 1, 2, 3.
> 
> First things first: PJ is back! Did you miss him? No? Oh well.  
> Then we'll finish chapter 2, like finally! Waiting's literally been hell.  
> To wrap things up, a shit post chapter. Yeah, don't be mad. I swear it's fine. It's probably funny, to cheer you up if you're sad.
> 
> (Time skip cause I can't do all the lyrics)
> 
> Ummm but let's talk seriously  
> ...  
> It was ambitious, I know. 3 chapters, save me. But give me a chance and we'll have to see.
> 
> I'm gonna go and start editing for probably 10 days straight.  
> Props to everyone kudosing and commenting. Seriously you've been great.  
> From a place of major appreciation taken in full consideration you greet me with such admiration, I love my archive nation.
> 
> Click subscribe if you want to be notified of my "once a month" upload.  
> Or kudos and comment; I'll thank you before the next "episode."  
> I know this was weird, but it's something to admire  
> Dedicated to our rebranded king, formerly danisnotonfire!  
> *BWAAAAAAAMP*

For the first time in a while, PJ was actually alone. He barely had any time to himself since he got involved with the entire Sims 4 situation, acting as a voice for Revelmode and their disasters as well as the one person Dan and Phil had contacted before and after they were transported into the game. As honored as it was to be so in demand, it was pretty exhausting.

 

At first, EA just wanted to know what happened, which meant PJ had to repeat the story over and over for multiple officials. He was about to go home and leave the dreadfully boring office building when they realized that someone needed to get them into Dan and Phil's apartment to remove the Homo-Sim-pian Computer-Aided Designer and connect the running game safely to their office. Since PJ had the key, he was asked again to help.

 

After most of the apartment was cleared of the HSCAD and they had set up the connection to Dan and Phil’s copy of the Sims 4, PJ thought he could finally go home where he could get a nice cup of tea, and go to sleep. In fact, they had just finished getting the second screen set up when PJ decided to call Dan and Phil and let them know what he knew. While he told them that he would keep in contact with EA and make sure they got out okay, he assumed that it would be on a once a week basis. He wasn’t that important, he could just get in contact with Dan and Phil.

 

But then Don overheard his tales about what Revelmode had experienced, and PJ was thrown back in the fray once more.

 

Apparently, EA had no idea about what was happening with the rest of the YouTubers; the results from those experiences were either still being tested for bugs or didn’t have enough lasting effects to warrant a full member meeting. But then PJ started telling them about how this isn't the first problem with the Sims and the HSCAD, and had to repeat Revelmode's stories over and over again. By this point, he was in the office so much, PJ just wished they'd give him a paycheck for all of his time and hard work.

 

So when he was finally left alone to make sure Dan and Phil stayed alive, PJ finally relaxed and let his mind wander to the exhausting amount of work he'd have to do for kickthePJ. He was way behind on this week’s video, but then again who knew how long he would be behind on videos. EA always seemed to find a new reason to keep PJ there, and truthfully the thought of trying to make a normal video at this point seemed ludicrous. He too stressed thinking about his friends and their safety. Realizing he couldn’t prolong the inevitable, PJ pulled out his phone and typed out a message onto Twitter.

 

_Hey guys, I don't typically do this, but I'm going to need to take a little time off making videos. I'll try to make more as soon as I can._

 

Moments after he sent out his tweet sent out, PJ got an influx of replies and DM’s, questioning what was going on and if this had anything to do with Dan and Phil's disappearances.

 

_Are D &P finally getting married? #phan _

 

_Are you, @danielhowell, and @AmazingPhil working on a project together?_

 

 _Is there going to be a new #_ Oskar's Hotel _?_

 

 _Is there going to be a Fantastic Foursome_ _tour?_

 

_What's going on?_

 

Then he started getting text messages from concerned friends and family, just checking to make sure he’s okay. Sophie had been out on a family holiday for the week, so he hadn't bothered telling her what happened yet. Although he supposed that wouldn't be true anymore as his phone vibrated with her name broadcasted on his screen. He was about to tap the "Accept Call" button when a slight glitch on the computer screen caught his eye, and he froze.

 

"It....its nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's just my imagination. The Sims isn't crashing or glitching. Why would do something silly like-"

 

Then it happened again. PJ saw it this time,  and without a doubt, the game had glitched. "Dammit."

 

He quickly pressed "Reject Call" on Sophie, and ran his fingers through his hair as he searched for Travis's name. He had gotten to his number when he realized that Travis, while friendly, wouldn’t know what to do. Instead, he called Don; yelling was a definite, but Don would know what to do.

 

"What is it PJ? It's Pizza Friday." Don grumbled, already seemingly in a bad mood with him, as usual. PJ rolled his eyes, he was expecting Don's sour mood. However, his friends could be in danger, so that was his top priority. "If this is about more of your _crazy_ video ideas again, I don't want to hear it. I literally couldn’t care less."

 

"I promise, Don, this isn't about that! I think something is wrong with the game-"

 

Before PJ could say anything else, there was a loud _CRASH_ on Don's side of the call, followed immediately by loud scraping sounds.

 

"Don?" The sounds of booming _THUMPS_ and angry puffs of air filled the receiver, and before PJ could put two and two together, the door slammed open, revealing  Don stood in the doorway, panting heavily.

 

"What...is wrong....with the game?" Don hissed at PJ, as more footsteps could be heard behind the sweaty programmer.

 

"I don't know! It's glitching. I figured glitching was bad!" PJ hurriedly explained.

 

“No shit, of course it’s bad!” Huffily, Don strode across the room and practically pushed PJ off his chair.

 

"Hey, I could've gotten up myself, you know." PJ complained as he felt his phone start to ring again, once again Sophie trying to get in touch with him. He quickly rejected the call as Travis and Angela burst into the room, followed by a more composed Tim.

 

"PJ! What's wrong?" Angela asked, quickly recovering from her run up the stairs as Travis wheezed in the doorway. "Don never misses Pizza Friday, so we figured it had to be really serious."

 

"Yeah, did any of my other predictions come true?" Tim asked in his droll tone, sarcastically.

 

Angela rolled her eyes, "For the last time, Tim: you are not an oracle!"

 

"I predicted a bunch of stuff that's happened, didn't I? Isn't that the definition of oracle?"

 

"Actually, I'm pretty sure the definition of oracle is-"

 

"Will all of you shut up!" Don yelled, cutting off Travis. "PJ, can you tell me exactly what was happening when this started? Did Dan and Phil do anything that could have caused this glitching?"

 

"I don't know-"

 

"You don't know what Dan and Phil were doing?" Don asked incredulously. "That is literally what we asked you to keep track of while we went and got food!"

 

"I was busy! My girlfriend-" at that moment, Sophie decided to call for the third time. "Was calling me. Like she is now." Pj quickly silenced his phone, stopping the blaring ring from continuing. “What do you think happened?”

 

Don huffed, "It’s possible that the interference between the game and your phone call could be a cause, but all the members of this house are kind of...well, not present."

 

"What? Where did they go?" Angela asked, crowding Don.

 

"Well maybe they all left." Travis answered, casually.

 

"Travis don't be ridiculous. This isn't an open world. They can't just walk away whenever they feel like it." Tim mocked.

 

"Actually, it might be as simple as that." Angela interjected. "If they did wander off, then the game might not know what to do and-"

 

"Glitch out." Don finished the thought, and everyone turned to PJ.

 

PJ didn’t realize how all eyes were on him at that moment, as he could feel his phone vibrate in his pocket, meaning Sophie was calling for the fifth time. PJ would have to apologize profusely to for when he had the chance.

 

"Well?" Don asked, his question met with PJ’s confused look.

 

"Well what?" PJ asked, knowing he sounded as clueless as he felt. Don's exasperated look confirmed his suspicions.

 

"Are you freakin’ kidding me? I shouldn't have to spell this out for you."

 

"Probably not...." Don and PJ stared down each other for a second before Tim sighed exaggeratedly.

 

"Hey PJ, why don't you call Dan and Phil? Maybe they can tell us where they went." Tim offered, condescendingly.

 

PJ, finally getting it, nodded. "Oh! Ummm yeah I should." PJ quickly opened his phone, ignored the now seven calls from Sophie, and called Dan.

 

The phone rang a few times before Dan finally picked up, and PJ quickly put it on speaker. "Hey PJ-"

 

"Hi PJ!" Phil yelled in the background. "What's up? Did you find out anything new?"

 

"Um no not yet-" PJ was interrupted by Don sighing dramatically, capturing everyone’s attention, and PJ instinctively moved closer.

 

"Do they not notice the game glitching? Bloody hell, everyone's a freakin’ moron-get that phone out of my face!" PJ quickly pulled the phone away from Don.

 

"I'm sorry, did someone just say the game is glitching?" Dan said.

 

"What happened?" Phil squeaked.

 

"As far as we can tell, something possibly is breaking the game, causing it to glitch." PJ responded nervously. "I guess you haven't felt any of it on your end."

 

"Speaking of your end, where are you?" Tim spoke up before Dan and Phil could say anything else.

 

"Um we're going to the gym." Phil said, worry evident in his voice. "We were going to try to stop Dil from falling for Eliza Pancak-"

 

"How?" Angela panically questioned.

 

"...by making sure they don't meet?" Dan answered as if it were obvious. Angela threw a dirty look at the phone, despite the fact that they couldn’t see it.

 

"I meant how are you walking to the gym? You're not supposed to be able to walk around like that! It's not an open world game!"

 

"Um, how were we supposed to know that?" Dan questioned indignantly.

 

"Yeah. The world seems pretty open to us." Phil followed.

 

"The game is severely glitching now!" Travis yelled panicky as he stared at the staticky game.

"Well we need to get to Dil." Dan complained, and Don practically growled, his face contorted into an infuriated scowl.

 

PJ quickly tried to placate him. "Don calm down. They're just trying to help-"

 

"YOU IDIOTS!" Don exploded, ignoring PJ. "Do you know what would happen to you two if the game crashes? Or if it freezes? How about what will happen if the computer goes back to its last save file? You two will fucking DIE! You’ll be GONE! And you don't want that do you?"

 

"No, but-"

 

"Hey Don?" Travis spoke up, cutting off Phil, "What if we changed the perspective of the Sims?"

 

Everyone was quiet for a second, staring at Travis before Don broke the silence.

 

"What?" His sharp tone cut through Travis, and he quickly attempted to clarify.

 

"I-I mean if you click on a Sim, it takes you to them, right?"

 

"Yes but Dil isn't in the house right now and the game barely recognizes Dan and Phil as "Sims" so how the bloody hell do you think-"

 

"Wait, I think I know what Travis is talking about!" Angela burst, realizing what Travis was trying to say. "Remember how in previous incarnations, if a Sim leaves the household, you can't control them? Or you can follow that one Sim, but then you couldn't control the rest of the household?"

 

"Yeah, we fixed that." Don grumbled when Tim realized where Angela was going.

 

"Exactly, so if we click on Dil's icon...." Tim slightly encouraged when Don's eyes light up.

 

"We should be able to switch back to him." Don looked hopefully at the phone and PJ, who met his hopeful gaze with pure confusion.

 

"Um, yeah...sure....that makes sense.” PJ answered, although all he could think about was how weird it was that they kept finishing each other’s sentences. He turned his attention back to Dan and Phil, and asked, “That'll probably work, right guys?"

 

Dan and Phil were silent on the line for a second. "Um sure?" Dan mustered, with as much enthusiasm as PJ.

 

"As long as we don't get killed, I'm okay with this." Phil agreed.

 

Don, feeling like he got the go ahead, clicked on Dil's extremely glitching icon. A few different icons popped up, but all of them were glitchy, and hard to read.

 

"Okay which one is it?" Don asked, peering at the screen as Tim and Angela crowded around him.

 

"Is that one it?" Angela asked, pointing at one of the illegible bubbles.

 

"No, I think that says 'Socialize with.'" Tim argued, "What about that one?"

 

"No, I think it says 'Tidy up-"

 

"WELL LOOK HARDER! WHICH ONE IS IT?" Don yelled, causing the three of them to slightly descend into arguing while Travis and PJ watched.

 

"....so do you still need us or not? We still have a lot of walking to do." Dan asked, causing Travis and PJ to tear their eyes away from the crazy trio to look down at the phone.

 

"Hey guys?" PJ asked the trio, who didn't react. "Hey! Can I hang up on Dan and Phil?" He still got no response.

 

Travis looks at PJ and shrugs. "I think it's safe to hang up now."

 

"Yeah, I think so too." PJ agreed before turning the phone off of speaker mode. "Okay guys, I'll let you know if anything else comes up, but you need to be more careful about leaving."

 

"Well what are we supposed to do, never leave?" Phil asked, slightly sad at the thought.

 

"No, no....but maybe don't leave without Dil. At least for a little while."

 

Dan sighed, "Alright, PJ. Thanks for letting us know."

 

"No problem guys. Stay safe." PJ said, ending the call, and noticed that Sophie hadn't tried calling back since he had called Dan.

 

"Geez, she called seven times?" Travis commented, looking at his phone. "Something must be wrong."

 

"Eh. She doesn't know what's going on here. I've kind of not told her yet since she's on vacation, but then I posted on Twitter how I was taking a brief break from YouTube so now she's kinda...really worried."

 

"So why don't you call her back?" Travis asked nonchalantly. "If Deirdre called me seven times in a row and I didn't answer, she'd want two things: me to call her back, and a really good explanation."

 

PJ sighed and nodded in agreement before turning to the three lunatics by the computer.

 

"Hey is it okay if I take a personal call?"

 

"As long as you're not too loud-I THINK IT’S THAT ONE!" Don boomed, pointing excitedly at the screen as Tim and Angela agreed.

 

PJ silently thanked Travis, and went to call Sophie as the game’s perspective switched to Dil, who was stood in front of the gym.

 

"Sophie, before you say anything, I can explain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my Back to School Special! It was originally going to happen earlier...but I kinda left the country for a month and couldn't access anything, so here you go!
> 
> I'm sorry for the long wait. Hopefully I don't make you wait almost half a year for the next 3 chapters!
> 
> See you real soon!


	7. A Physical Night in the Life of Dil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Part 2 of 3 in my Back to School Special! FINALLY THE END OF CHAPTER 2!

Dil stood in front of the daunting gym, his taxi long gone and his confidence wavering. An electric, upbeat pop song was blasting inside the gym, the bass pulsating the ground and Dil. He felt ridiculous.

"What am I doing?" He sighed, looking sadly at the building. "This isn't me." He looked at his feet, then focused on his round, pudgy stomach. "Although this isn't really me either. Besides, I told my dads I would do this. It would be silly to just leave after coming all this way..."

He gave the street one last hesitant glance before sighing. "The least I can do is walk in."

  
Dil gathered up his nerves for what seemed like the ninth time that night, tightened his grip on his gym bag, and walked in.

  
As loud as it was outside, the music was deafening inside, and DIl had to stop himself from putting his hands over his ears to block it out. Fluorescent lights glared down at him from the ceiling, leaving Dil slightly sweaty. He looked around, and all he could see were buff people in sweat suits or tank tops or t-shirts and shorts. Dil gulped and glanced down at his paltry gym bag.  
  
"Maybe this was a mistake." He grumbled growing more and more self conscious when a deep voice bellowed "Welcome to Movers and Shakers, Willow Creek's premiere gym!"  
  
Dil looked up to see an incredibly muscular man step off the nearest weight machine. He was wearing a black tank top, baggy red shorts, a backwards cap, and a pair of sunglasses, which he peered down at Dil over. He crossed his tree-trunk arms, showing off his giant black tattoo on his bicep, and smiled wolfishly at Dil.  
  
"My name is Don Lothario, and I'm the owner of this AWESOME establishment. Can I get you started with a free three month trial membership?"  
  
Dil, feeling small next to the goliath, shook his head no, trying not to look at his reflection in the glare of Don's sunglasses.  
  
"Well do you want a trainer to at least get you started on the equipment?"  
  
"Umm, no. No I'll be good, thanks." Dil answered meekly, and tried to move around the gargantuan man.  
  
"Are you sure? Darwin Luna is coming in soon. He could work your wimpy muscles to the bone!" Don pushed one last time, stepping in front of Dil so he was in his way.  
  
Dil, feeling even more uncomfortable, was about to just agree with the offer out of sheer awkwardness when a hand gripped his shoulder confidently.  
  
"Leave him alone, Don." Said a woman with bright red hair and a nasally voice. "He obviously doesn't want the gym deals. Just let him be."  
  
"Hey, ya can't blame me for trying to run my establishment. I'm trying to keep the ol’ family business afloat, Liz."  
  
"Yeah, yeah I know. But how is insulting the customer going to make them want to pay for your ridiculous membership prices, let alone come back? I don't think Nina would be particularly pleased if she heard of this."  
  
Don stared menacingly at the petite redhead. "You leave her out of it. In any case, I'm not insulting him. I'm just trying to convince him to use my facility to its potential. Not that he had much potential," he added under his breath.  
  
Dil's face turned three different shades of red. He noticed that the woman, who was still gripping his shoulder, had also turned a different shade of red. She gritted her teeth, and looked like she was about to bite Don Lothario's head off.  
  
"Go upstairs and change." She instructed Dil, who stared awkwardly at her confused for a second.  
  
"W-what?" Dil asked futilely, petrified by the woman’s death stare before she repeating herself.  
  
"I said go upstairs and change. Now." Her tone terrified Dil, and he quickly turned around and ran up the gym stairs. As he scampered away, Dil could hear the woman start to chew out Don Lothario. He quickly made it to the changing room, and pulled out his trusty biker leathers, and gulped.  
  
It had been years since he had laid eyes on the outfit. They didn't really fit in compared to what the rest of the gym was wearing, but neither did he. And it was what he’d always worn when he worked out, and right now he just needed the familiarity of the outfit.  
  
"I'll invest in a better workout outfit later," Dil said to himself as he untied his shoes. "But for now, let's channel that inner biker."  
  
Dil slipped the leather pants over his jeans and was surprised that they still fit despite his weight gain. They still crinkled in the same familiar way, making him feel pretty badass. Then, Dil removed his black t-shirt and he threw on the raggedy white t-shirt at the bottom of his bag. It was covered in random stains and tiny holes that were covered up by his biker jacket. Like the pants, the jacket not only fit, but had somehow remained in great condition. Dil glanced at the mirror and smirked. He looked ridiculous, but he was filling out his outfit better than when he was five inches shorter in high school.  
  
He stashed his gym bag and regular t-shirt in a locker, and made his way back downstairs. Don had returned to his weight machine and made the slightest eye contact with Dil before returning to his workout. Dil breathed a sigh of relief, glad that whatever drama was over.  
  
He looked around and spotted a free machine towards the center of the gym. Dil made his way to there and sat down, not quite sure what he was really supposed to do. He glanced at Don, working his arms out with ease. Dil looked at his own machine, and looked warily at the bar swinging gently above him. It seemed so far from his grip, and he was regretting his decision for the umpteenth time that night. He reached for the bar and started to pull it down and immediately felt a wave of sweat drip off his forehead as his arms began to cramp up. There was so much weight that he was sure he'd pull his arms out if he exerted himself any more, but if this was the first step to getting in shape, he was in it for the long haul.

Dil managed to pull the bar down below his chin when he heard a small "huh" in his peripheral. The woman from earlier, the one who had helped him out in the gym, was sitting there and slightly staring at him. Dil lost his focus and the bar ripped out of his hands, flying into the top of the machine with a loud _CRASH!_  
  
"Ummmm...hi?" Dil awkwardly scratched the back of his head, attempting to ignore the bar above him, mockingly swinging back and forth. Who was she? Where did she come from? Why did she jump in so quickly to help him out of such an awkward conversation? She was both frightening and commanding, but he had to admit that she was intriguing.  
  
The woman blushed, and DIl couldn’t tell if she was startled because of the noise or because he was talking to her. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare. It's just....you're new here, right?"  
  
Dil smiled slightly awkwardly, not really knowing how to answer that, "Define ‘here’."  
  
"Well I was going to say in town, but my guess is you're also new to the gym."  
  
Dil got a rather sheepish look on his face and chuckled. "Is it really that obvious? A-about the gym, I mean."  
  
"Well...yeah. I've never seen you here before, and I’m a regular. You just completely lost the bar, and...well most people don't wear biker outfits to work out."  
  
Dil started to laugh, "Yeah I noticed. I had a good reason to wear it a long time ago. I mean, it was a stupid reason, even back then, but...I guess I thought it was logical."  
  
"Oh," the woman leaned forward, placing her chin on her hand, "and pray tell, what encouraged you to decide to dress up in leather to do extraneous activities like working out?"  
  
Dil's cheeks started to grow red at the memory. "Well, when I was in high school, I was super scrawny and pale and pretty....ummmm, what's the word?" Dil asked rhetorically.  
  
"Pathetic?" The woman chipped in, and Dil's blush deepened out of embarrassment.  
  
"Um, yeah, I guess that's one way to describe me." The woman apologetically shrugged but Dil smiled good-heartedly and waved her off. "I was wimpy. And nerdy and I needed something to make me seem stronger or cooler. So I kinda bought a leather jacket online, but I didn't realize it came with the leather pants. I just started to wear them because....well, I thought maybe they'd increase my coolness. I mean a leather jacket is considered sexy and dangerous. Wouldn't a matching pair of leather pants be an added bonus?"  
  
Dil laughed to himself, and looked at the woman again who was stifling her own giggles. "The answer is no, but I really tried. I learned how to work out in them so I could pretend I was some version of cool and popular me. And-"  
  
"Impress the girl you liked?"  
  
Dil's face turned bright red. "How did you-"  
  
"No high school boy would come up with words like "sexy" and "dangerous" to describe literally anything unless a girl said it first." The woman gave Dil a knowing smile.  
  
"Okay, you got me....I liked this girl who ended up breaking my heart. Multiple times...and sometimes still does." Dil’s mouth formed into a sad smile. He shrugged, adding, "I'm, um, slowly learning that she might not be the one."  
  
There was a slightly awkward silence before Dil cleared his throat, "I don't think I ever caught your name."  
  
"Oh! Sorry, I knew I was forgetting something. Way to introduce yourself in the middle of the conversation." She laughed a little, a light blush returning to her cheeks. "My name is Eliza."  
  
"I'm Dil. I live up in Courtyard Lane."  
  
"What! No kidding, so do I! I'm in Pique Hearth." Eliza smiled, and before Dil could respond, her eyes got brighter, and her face emanated a look of pure joy. "You're the guy who built a house at Potters Splay!"  
  
Dil smiled, "Yeah, I’m the weird guy who ruined the fancy old timey house styles with my crazy roof and mediocre home designer skills."  
  
Eliza laughed, "Well it can be an eyesore, but I like it. It had character, unlike some of the houses in the neighborhood." Dil just smiled and nodded, not really wanting to get into a conversation about the rest of the neighbors since he didn't know them well. Or at all. "But if you live so close, why haven't I ever see you before."  
  
"Well, I typically don't leave the house besides work and sometimes the park. I never really had a good reason to leave the house or be productive until recently honestly."  
  
"Oh," Eliza interest was piqued, "let me guess. Is it because of the girl you're trying to impress?"  
  
Dil's face turned five shades of red. "Actually no. She...umm dating has....well, it hasn't been going so well for me.  People don't seem to be interested at the moment."  
  
"Oh," Eliza said and Dil felt the awkwardness grow slightly. "Sooo, if it's not a girl, then it must be family."  
  
Dil smirked, "Bingo. My dads are in town."  
  
"Dads?" Eliza asked, her voice rising a little in pitch at the end.  
  
"Heh, yeah, dads. It's...a long story, and is kinda complicated. But basically, I found out I have two dads and they found me after all these years. I had lived in an orphanage all my life beforehand and you know, when you find out you have dads after thinking that all your family was basically dead all your life, it’s kinda....it’s a big-"

“Wait, I’m sorry but….YEARS? They didn’t contact you for years and now, after you have become an adult do they contact you?” Dil nodded, confused by Eliza’s flabbergasted expression. “Wh-why?” She yelled. 

“What do you mean ‘why?’”

“I mean why didn’t they contact you sooner? You’d think if they were actually alive and knew that they had a kid somewhere they’d want to visit. And if it’s two dads, then they clearly needed to be aware since conceiving a child together is kind of-” 

“Oh well wait, they’re not....they um...I was sort of a weird accident with some combined sperm donations...and my biological mom is sort of….out of the picture.”

Eliza stared wide eyed at DIl, her mouth hanging open. The only thing she managed to say was one shouted word: “WHAT?”

  
"Oh, well...they umm...okay well the short version is they had put me up for adoption as a baby and this is my first time meeting them and their house burnt down and they have nowhere else to go, but my job is kinda barely minimum wage so I can barely feed myself let alone them and I don't want them to be disappointed in me and-"  
  
"Okay okay just….stop.” Eliza had stopped freaking out herself, but looked concerned for Dil. “Stop for a second and...breathe. It's okay. Just breathe." Dil inhaled and exhaled a few times, his eyes on the redhead as she demonstrated what he was supposed to do.  
  
"You're obviously under a lot of pressure to be the ideal son to your dads. You’re freaking out and putting yourself under so much pressure to the point that you obviously escaped to the gym to get some peace. Take a moment and just breathe."  
  
Dil breathed in deeply and then breathed out, his eyes closed in concentration. He did this a few times before he felt his heartbeat slow down. He hadn't even realized it had risen in the first place. He felt his shoulders un-tense, and he just relaxed.  
  
"Thanks, I-I needed that." Dil stared at Eliza, amazed. “H-how did you know that would help?”  
  
"I used to teach yoga classes in college. Although judging by your outfit, I think it would've been more fun with you in my classes! No offense but going by your outfit, I'm guessing that you or you're dads aren't really the gym type."

  
"Yeah, they're sort of the type of guys who don't need to exercise and are just naturally thin. I, however, missed that particular gene, so I should come here to work out every now and then.”

  
“Okay but everybody needs to exercise. Just because they’re thin doesn’t mean they’re exempt. Maybe you all could have it be a family thing.” Eliza suggested and Dil shrugged.

 

“I doubt those two would be into it. They seem to be more of the ‘hang around the house all day in pajamas’ types.  
  
Eliza started laughing nasally, and Dil felt himself smile in spite of all the craziness of his day. "What? Did I say something funny?"  
  
"No no. It's not that. I mean, yes but no. It's just I know someone exactly like that so I know exactly how you feel. In fact, there was this one time that after college when I had to move back home and my..." she stopped for a second as something caught her attention. "Huh." She stated, and Dil's eyebrows scrunched together.  
  
"What? What is it?" He asked, a serious tone on the edge of his voice. Eliza raised her eyebrow, and shook her head.  
  
"It's nothing I just...those men look so familiar!" Dil turned around and outside the window, he saw Dan and Phil panting in front of the gym.  
  
"Oh come on!" Dil threw his hands in the air, before slumping back on his weight machine. "All I wanted was a break! Is that so much to ask?"  
  
"So those are your dads?" Eliza peered at them through the glass, "They seem young."  
  
"They are. Ugh," he slumped down in his seat. "A few hours. That’s all I wanted. Just a few hours to myself again." Dil groaned, annoyed. When he looked back up, Eliza was staring at Dan and Phil. "Sorry, I'm just-"  
  
"It's okay. Here, let's go upstairs for a little bit. Maybe they'll leave." Eliza suggested, standing up and gesturing to the stairs. Dil gave her a half smile and got up quickly.  
  
"Yeah...yeah okay. Thanks!"  
  
Eliza smiled back as the two made their way upstairs. "Don't worry about it! It's what friends do."  
  
Dil smiled to himself as Eliza walked slightly ahead of him. "Friends...huh." He ran to catch up with her as they made their way upstairs.  
  
Meanwhile, Dan and Phil were finally starting to catch their breath outside of Movers and Shakers.  
  
"Okay, can we agree to never, ever run that far again?" Dan groaned, peering through his sweaty fringe at Phil, who laid sprawled out on the pavement. "Oh bloody hell that was freakin awful."  
  
"Yeah....my legs are soooo soooooooore!" Phil whined. "But at least we made it."  
  
"Yeah, and we almost broke the game doing it! PJ is right, we shouldn't leave the house without Dil again."  
  
"But how are we going to explore? We can't just go everywhere with Dil." Phil complained, sitting up. "It's going to be weird if we're just following him everywhere like lost dogs."  
  
"I know, so we're not going to go with him everywhere, just if we have to."  
  
"And what happens if something like this happens again? What would we do?" Phil asked, and then thought for a second. "I mean, maybe we can call and see if Dil will invite us or take us there?"  
  
"I mean I guess it could work. Maybe? I don't know, I still can't think straight. My brain needs more oxygen after running." Dan concluded, sitting on the ground next to Phil. The loud electric pop song was causing bassy vibrations to pulse throughout the building and on the sidewalk, and the two men looked first at each other and then at the building.  
  
"I can't believe we let Dil come here on his own. I mean, what kind of parents are we, Phil? He starts acting weird and then he disappears to a gym. Not to mention the fact that he's about to meet Eliza, and lord knows he's not ready for that."  
  
"I know," Phil agreed before standing up, "but sitting on our bums out here isn't going to do anything." He started walking to the front doors and Dan, with one final sigh, got up and followed him.  
  
The music was still ear-pounding , and the fluorescent lights were still blinding as the two men walked in. They took in their surroundings before Dan whispered to Phil, "This is where Dil wanted to go? They all look like extreme gym people."  
  
"I guess? Let's go look for him. My guess is he's near the machines." Phil replied, eying the intense equipment.  
  
"Oka-"  
  
"Hey dudes! Welcome to Movers and Shakers, Willow Creek’s premier gym! My name is Don Lothario, owner of this AWESOME establishment! Can I get you started with a free three month trial membership?" Don interrupted, diving headfirst into his business spiel.  
  
Dan tensed up and replied "Umm no thanks?”.  
  
"We're just looking for our son." Phil added. Don then looked intently at the two men in front of him. Dan shot a look at Phil, who was looking back at him. "Umm he's about our height and-"  
  
"Phil I'm sure this busy man doesn't know which one our son is."  
  
"Oh, I know your son." He said in almost a monotone voice, and Dan's blood ran cold. What did Dil do? "Last I saw him, he was heading to the weight machine in this crazy costume."  
  
"Costume?" Phil asked before the realization of what Dil was wearing hit both of them. "Oh! Right! His workout outfit!"  
  
"Yeah, okay. Thank you. We'll just go...grab him. Bye" Dan said quickly, grabbing Phil and walking briskly to the machines.  
  
"Dan, will you calm down?" Phil said in what he intended to be a soothing voice.  
  
Dan scoffed, "Why do you think I need to-" The look Phil was giving him told him that he was caught, and he sighed. "I-I'm just worried. We were so good at keeping track of Dil before, and now he's completely lost! I mean...what if something happens? He's never been on his own before with legitimate independence. What if he makes an enemy and gets in a fight like he did with Erica? What if Eliza is manipulative and convinces Dil to fall in love with her? What is he drowns himself in the sink? What if he pulls a muscle-"  
  
"Okay, that's enough, you need to relax." Phil ordered, and Dan sighed before he stopped whining. In front of the machines where Eliza and Dil once stood, Phil performed some calming breaths, indicating that Dan should follow his example. "We'll find Dil. We know he's capable of sorting out his own issues, so it's just a matter of finding him. And then we'll figure out what to do about the leaving issue and maybe we'll be in luck and he'll have missed her completely."  
  
Dan sighed, but smirked. "You're right. He's got to be around here somew-"  
  
"WHOOOOOOOOA!" was the sound a man made as he lost his footing and flew off his treadmill. He was midair for only a moment before crashing on the hard tile a few feet from his machine.  
  
Dan and Phil rushed to the man's aid, forgetting their argument and ignoring their impulses to laugh at his misfortune.  
  
"Hey, are you alright? Phil asked.  
  
"Yeah that was some fall." Dan added from behind Phil, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
Before either could react though, the man looked up, and his face broke into a gigantic grin. "YO PAPA DILS!"  
  
"Oh Christ." Dan mumbled.  
  
"Aron!" Phil exclaimed with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, plastering a fake smile as his radical acquaintance sprung to his feet and pulled him into a sweaty hug.  
  
"Duuuuude, how've ya been? Haven't heard from Dil since the party. Maaaan that guy can certainly...um...provide the juice!" Aron smirked, proud of himself for no discernible reason, and he flung his arms around both YouTubers.  
  
"Um, yup! He certainly can. He is becoming a mixologist after all." Dan stated, attempting to get out from underneath the sweaty guy's armpits.  
  
"He, um, sure is. Any chance you saw him here?" Phil asked, and Aron laughed right in his face.  
  
"DIL! HERE! Don't be ridiculous! He's so scrawny, he couldn’t last a minute here!" Dan and Phil shared a look of annoyance as Aron continued, "Although I did see this dude wearing this ridiculous leather ensemble! What a weirdo, amirite?"  
  
Dan and Phil exchanged looks with each other as Aron laughed. It had to be Dil.  
  
"Umm, Aron?"  
  
"Yeah browski?" He replied, getting completely in Phil's face.  
  
"Umm where did the leather guy go?"  
  
Aron thought for a second, putting on his best pondering face. "Hmmm last I saw, he was heading upstairs with the Pancakes broad."  
  
Dan and Phil's eyes widened exponentially, "The Pancakes broad?" Phil asked, and Dan interjected, "Eliza Pancakes?"  
  
Aron laughed, "Well I certainly don't mean her mom!" He got lost in his own laughter, and Dan and Phil escaped his sweaty clutches. After the got away to the windows near the front, they both sighed.  
  
"Dammit." Dan mutters under his breath, slumping against the window as Phil pouted.  "What are we going to do Phil? He's totally going to fall in love with Eliza now."  
  
"I mean, maybe there's still hope. Maybe she's the rudest person ever." Phil encouraged, faking a smile as best as he could.  
  
Before Dan could reply though, they heard a familiar laugh from the stairs. Dan and Phil immediately turn towards the sound and see Dil, in his absurd outfit, but they had to resist the urge to burst into laughter as they notice the redhead standing next to him.  
  
"So anyway, these hooligans were standing right next to my expensive shrub and it was completely ruined! I tried to call the gardener, but he was ‘on vacation’ or something." Eliza huffed to Dil's amusement.  
  
"How dare he not be available the minute you need his help!" Dil concurred with gusto, causing Eliza to go into a laughing fit.  
  
"Hey, come on! It was really annoying! That shrub is still squished."  
  
"Well there are worse things than a squished shrub." Dil reminded her.  
  
"I suppose you're right," she grinned.  
  
From the windows, Dan and Phil watched in horror as their Dil got along with Eliza, their faces growing abnormally pale.  
  
"Dan?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"T-they're getting along."  
  
Dan gulped down his discomfort and displeasure. "Yeah, I can see that."  
  
The two Sims laugh, and Dil asked, "Okay, so question?"  
  
"Okaaaay, so answer!" Eliza fired back, sending the two into another fit of giggles.  
  
"Christ, they're really getting along." Dan commented, feeling slightly uncomfortable watching his Sim giggle.  
  
"Do you like..... _Duffy_?" Dil asked really quickly and Dan snorted.  
  
"Aww that's just like me!" Phil beamed, and Dan smiled back at him.  
  
"Yup, right down to the obsession." Dan quipped, and Phil slapped his arm. "OW!"  
  
"Shhh!" Phil shushed as Eliza finally smiled after fake pondering her answer.  
  
"Of course I like _Duffy_! Who in their right mind doesn't like _Duffy_!" Eliza finally burst. Dil's face burst into the biggest, cheesiest grin.  
  
"Oh my god do you remember that episode where it was revealed that Maple was a werewolf?"  
  
"Um of COURSE I do! It was only the biggest reveal of the whole series!" Eliza squealed, and Dan groaned.  
  
"Dammit, spoiler alert." He grumbled. "Now I'll be thinking about that the entire time we watch it." Dan was about to keep complaining when Dil started jumping ecstatically.  
  
"Oh man I'm just like filled with so much energy! Hip bump me!"  
  
Eliza laughed, "What?"  
  
Dil smiled, "You know, like how Duffy and Lucifer hip bumped to combine their powers? Well we could do it. It'll be like, our thing!"  
  
"Well....why the hell not?" She gave in, beaming. Dan and Phil watched as Eliza and Dil jumped into the stance and hip bumped, big goofy grins on their faces. They started to feel uncomfortable with the entire scene.  
  
"Dan, I don't know how much longer I can sit back and watch this." Phil mumbled, a gloomy look on his face.  
  
"Okay we just need to...approach them as if we just spotted them or-"  
  
"DIL! There you are!" Phil shouted, causing Dil and Eliza to turn towards the pair at the windows. Dil’s face turned a little red, but he immediately hid his tense expression behind a smile.  
  
"DADS! Hi! You’re at the gym! Wow! Okay! Why?" Dil asked in an energetic and upbeat way, although he couldn't hide his uneasiness about having them there.  
  
"Well, after you left, we sat at home for a while, just watching TV and...well just that. But then we started to feel like we were being too lazy and you were out being fit and energetic so we thought 'why not go to the gym' and....well, here we are!" Dan explained half-assed, unable to stop looking back and forth between his Sim and Eliza, who was shuffling behind him.  
  
"Okay but umm....where are your workout clothes?" Dil asked, looking once again at his own workout leathers and realizing what a weird question that might be.  
  
"Um what are you talking about? We always work out in jeans. I mean, we can't all buy fancy leathers for exercising, Dilington." Phil retorted, and Eliza snickered.  
  
"He's got you there! I'm Eliza by the way." She greeted the YouTubers, sticking her hand out.  
  
"Um I'm Dan-"  
  
"-and I'm Phil. We're Dil's fathers."  
  
Eliza chuckled good heartedly, "Yeah I noticed. Um, Dil, I'm going to go on the running machine but I'll chat with you later, okay?" She said, handing Dil a piece of paper towel with some scribbles on it.  
  
Dil just smiled and took it. "Yeah, okay sure! No problem!"  
  
Eliza smiled and turned around and walked away towards the machines, and put in some earbuds. Once she was out of earshot, Dil looked at the piece of paper, and a hopeful look brightened up his face.  
  
"Ummmm, what'd she give ya Dil?" Phil asked, and Dil shifted his smile from the paper to his parents.

 

In as hushed a tone as he could manage, he whisper screamed, "Her number! She just gave me her number! I can't believe it! No one’s ever given me their number before!" Dil was so excited he was bouncing on the heels of his feet, and Dan and Phil felt more than a twinge of remorse for what was going to happen. He was so excited. "So what do you think?"  
  
The pair stared at each other and then Dil for a second before Dan asked, "What do we think of what?"  
  
Dil rolled his eyes playfully and laughed. "What do you think of Eliza?"  
  
"Weeeell, ummmm, we, um, we-"  
  
"I like Eliza." Dan announced, cutting off Phil's stuttering.  
  
"Y-yeah. She's nice, and she actually gets along with you."  
  
Dil smiled, "And she likes _Duffy_! I mean, most people liked _Duffy_ , but she knows the later seasons! Most stopped when Duffy was revealed to-"  
  
"Ah! Spoiler alert!" Dan interrupted, covering his hands over his ears. "Jesus, Dil I haven't even seen it yet!"  
  
"Anyway, Eliza hasn't denied me yet That’s...that’s good." Dil continued, his face getting slightly red at the thought.  
  
"I agree Dil, don't go for the hot blonde, go for the nerdy girl with glasses." Dan smirked, causing Dil's face to get redder.  
  
"Daaad!" Dil groaned in embarrassment, and Dan and Phil laughed.  
  
"What Dan meant to say is that you share similar interests with Eliza." Phil cut in, and Dil smiled.  
  
"Yeah, I guess-"  
  
"DIL! Look! I got _Duffy_ on the TV!" Eliza called over to Dil, whose entire face lit up.  
  
"No way! What episode?" Dil asked, practically tripping over himself trying to get to the running machines.  
  
"Only the best episode of the series!" Eliza squealed as werewolves filled the screen.  
  
"Oh my god, I love this episode!" Dil yelled, and Eliza smiled knowingly.  
  
"Yeah, I know doofus! We were talking about it earlier." She was about to get on one of the many treadmills when her phone started ringing.  
  
"Oh geez, I totally forgot." She muttered, and turned to Dil. "Sorry, I need to take this. Enjoy the episode!" And with that Eliza ran upstairs, where the music wouldn't be as loud.  
  
"O-okay! No problem! Thank you!" Dil called after her, but Eliza was already answering her phone as she pushed past Dan and Phil.  
  
"Umm soooo, we’re at the gym....” Dan began as Dil watched the TV.

 

“Yup.” Phil responded, barely listening as he tried to follow along with the episode.

 

“And we told Dil that it was because we felt lazy and wanted to be energetic and such…”

 

“Yeah.” Phil agreed, still barely paying attention. A witch flew across the screen before bursting into a bunch of bats. “That’s so cool! Do all witches die like that?”

 

Dan rolled his eyes. “Hey Dil! Can you show us some exercise moves?" Dan suggested, already hating himself for asking. Both Dil and Phil stopped watching the show, and Dil almost forced himself to stop watching.

 

“Yeah sure, why not. This can be fun!” Dil agreed.  
  
"Yeah, all I sort of know are computer chair exercises, so this could be useful." Phil interjected and Dan rolled his eyes.  
  
"Computer chair exercises?" Dil asked, skeptical. Phil then sat down on the weight machine, and without touching any of the other equipment, he started to “work out his biceps” with imaginary weights in each hand, first vertically, and then horizontally, causing Dil to laugh.  
  
"Dad, I think those only work if you have weights in your hands."  
  
"Oh..." Phil replied dejectedly.  
  
"But when I get a computer you can show me all the computer exercises your mind can think up!" Dil compromised, returning the smile to Phil's face. "Meanwhile, why don't we start with some sit ups?"  
  
Dil got on the floor, and waited for his parents to get down too. Dan and Phil reluctantly looked at each other and followed Dil to the ground.  
  
"Okay, so do you guys need a demonstration or..?"  
  
"No, we know what sit ups are." Dan basically deadpanned and Dil laughed.  
  
"Alrighty then! We'll do fifteen sit ups on three. Ready?" Dil asked the two YouTubers, who both squeaked "yes" despite their dislike for anything physical. "Okay! One. Two. Three!" Dil then started doing sit ups quickly, already at five by the time Dan and Phil got to one. By the time Dil was done, they had done six and seven respectively.  
  
"Wow, you guys are out of shape..." Dil commented, and the two looked at him, fire in their eyes.  
  
"Gee thanks Dil." Dan snarked, but then shrugged away any malice that might be in his tone. "We just don't really work out, that's all."  
  
Dil nodded and thought for a second. "Well then there's no point in forcing you two to go past your limit right now. How about we do as many push-ups as we can in the span of a minute?" Dil offered.  
  
"Yes yes yes yes yes!" Phil agreed, and Dan smiled. "That seems fair."  
  
"Okay well let's get into position and on the count of three we all do as many as we can!"  
  
"Okay! One. Two. Three!" Dan counted, and the trio started to do their push ups. Dil was still the fastest and already at 4 when Dan finished one and Phil was working on his second. As an overall, Dan and Phil struggled to get past the first few push-ups, cursing their lack of upper body strength.  
  
"Hey D-Dan." Phil asked breathlessly, "How many are you on?"  
  
"T-th-three." Dan finally stuttered out as he went down for one more push-up.  
  
"Yeah...same." Phil's body was shaking as he attempted a fourth push-up.  
  
Almost simultaneously, both of them managed to rise up enough to have fully completed their fourth push-up when they collapsed.  
  
"Dads?" Dil asked, looking at them through his sweaty fringe. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Just fine, Dily. Don't you worry." Dan practically slurred, and Phil laughed.  
  
"Did we really only do four push-ups before collapsing?" He giggled, and Dan laughed along with him.  
  
"Well it's good to know we're equally awful at exercise." Dan pointed out before turning his attention back to his energetic Sim. "How many push-ups were you able to do, Dil?"  
  
"Um fifteen." He almost mumbled, feeling slightly weird about being the athletic one in the family.  
  
"Wow that's really impressive, Dil!" Phil complimented despite the fact that he felt like he might pass out at any moment. "And on that note, I’m going to go find some water."  
  
"Oh, okay! I saw some upstairs by the juice bar."  
  
"They have a bar at this gym?" Dan asked, mouth agape.  
  
"What? No! It's an actual juice bar. Like smoothies and kelp juice or whatever the newest fad is now." Dil explained, understanding the misunderstanding. "I know, this town can be kooky."  
  
"Heh that's for certain. I like it though, it has character." Phil complimented, as he got to his feet. "We'll be right back, Dil!" He called as he and Dan climbed upstairs wearily.  
  
"Hehe okay! So glad you two chose to follow me to the gym instead of staying at home." He weakly joked quietly to himself, but then was surprised when someone laughed along.  
  
"They mean well." Eliza reminded Dil as she reentered the room and started to jog on the treadmill.  
  
"Yeah, I know but it's just annoying. They're acting like being apart is going to cause the end of the world." He complained, but then thought a second. "Wanna hear a knock knock joke?"  
  
"Nah, not a big fan of those. Although a pep talk would be appreciated." She compromised. Dil gave her a smile and thought for a second.  
  
"Okaaaay, ummmm.....RUN!" Eliza was so shocked by the change in volume and demeanor that she almost misstepped, but she caught herself so well that Dil didn't notice. "YEAH JUST RUN! DON'T STOP! Um, YOU CAN DO THIS! JUST RUN AS IF....umm as if...."  
  
Eliza, who had actually increased in speed, looked at Dil from the corner of her eye. He looked like he was in thought and she shrugged and stopped paying attention to him for a second. She took a deep breath, calming her nerves.  
  
"FIRE!"  
  
"AH!"  
  
"Fire coursing through your veins, pumping you with ADRENALINE!" Dil finished, proud of himself, but Eliza wasn't as happy.  
  
"DIL!" Eliza screeched, quickly jumping onto the sides of the machine to stop herself from missing a step.  
  
Dil looked at her sheepishly, realizing what happened. "Too much?" He asked, although Eliza's cold stare answered his question. "Sorry."  
  
"It's fine." Eliza breathed deeply and resumed her workout.  
  
"Um okay, well I'm gonna...just go...over here...." Dil quickly backed away and out of the situation, wondering where he could go now. He notices his fathers in a side room, both "beating up" a punching bag.  
  
"Watch as I use my incredible strength to knock out this inferior foe, Phil!" Dan boasted, almost dancing in place in an imitation of Rocky.  
  
"Haha, that's what you think, Danny, for I will clearly be the superior one!" Phil retorted, on the other side of the same punching bag.  
  
Dan lowered his arms for a second and sighed. "Phil what kind of comeback was that?"  
  
"What?" He asked, dropping his facade.  
  
"That was clearly just what i said, only reworded. Come on, mate."  
  
"Whatever, now let's see who can punch better!" Phil put his gloves back up and with an eye roll, Dan did the same.  
  
The two prepare again to punch the bag at the same time, "Ready? Count of three." Dan decided, and Phil nodded, lightly humming the Rocky theme.  
  
"One...Two....THREE!"  
  
Dil watched as his dads hit the punching bag with their gloves, only for the punching bag to not move. They each started to hold their arms in pain regardless. Dil felt bad about it, but he had no choice but to laugh at how bad their boxing skills were.  
  
"Hey dads, whatcha doing?" Dil asked, finally entering the room. Dan and Phil looked at their Sim, big goofy grins on their faces.  
  
"Oh hi Dil!" Phil greeted, removing his borrowed boxing gloves. "We were just showing this punching bag who’s boss!" He then hit his chest in an attempt to look manly, underestimating his excitement. "OOOWWW!"

 

"Did you really just hit yourself so hard that you got hurt?" Dan laughed.  
  
"Yeeeees," Phil whined, "I guess I'm stronger than I thought!" He smiled again, but was met with Dan's smirk.  
  
"Are you sure you're not just really weak Phil?"  
  
"No of course not! That can't be it at all! It's totally the strength thing." Phil rationalized.  
  
Dan rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to Dil. "Would you like to try it out? Although I don't recommend hitting it when someone else hits it, what with Newton's third law and all."  
  
Dil smiled shyly and watched as Don Lothario walked in, strolling casually to another punching bag near him. He hit it so effortlessly, clearly a seasoned gym expert. Dil wanted to do that, be like that.  
  
"Y-yeah, sure. I'll try it out." Dil took Dan's gloves gingerly, and slid his hands into them. They were slightly moist and pretty gross overall.

"Okay so I just punch this? Sounds easy enough." Dil shook out his body before he swung a punch at the bag. He thought it was decent, having never thrown an actual punch in his life. But the bag didn't move a centimeter, and a quick glimpse at Don's bag almost falling onto the floor showed him how weak his punch actually was.  
  
"Good effort, Dil!" Phil encourages, while Dan just nods. Dil tries to smile back, but he didn’t feel like he'd beaten the bag yet.  
  
"I'm gonna try again." He told his parents, and Dan bit back a sarcastic remark. Dil prepared his next hit with similar results.  
  
"Wanna try again?" Phil asked, to which Dil slowly nodded.  
  
"Well, looks like we'll be here all night." Dan quipped, and Dil blushed.  
  
"Dan! Be supportive!" Phil quietly berated his friend, and Dan mocked offense.  
  
"Oh excuse me, but I thought that one of the perks of being a parent was to be able to poke fun at your child sometimes." Dan whispered back. Dil took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down to focus. But as Dan and Phil whisper argued, Dil began to feel pressure from them more and more. It was building, so Dil started just punching on the lighter side to release some aggression.  
  
The pair finally takes note of their Sim, and immediately, Dan starts to cheer him on. "Come on Dil, you can do it! Channel your fury, Dil!"  
  
Dil takes a deep breath and starts to think, but is constantly interrupted by Dan's "helpful" suggestions.  
  
"Think about how Mia Yang didn't make a cake!"  
  
"I mean that's kind of a stretc-"  
  
"Think about Erica!"  
  
"How did you know we didn-"  
  
"Think about Summer having all the awkward moments with you!"  
  
Dil said nothing, but that was a wounding, low blow. He turned his thoughts to his parents and all that's happened with them. How everything, every bit of weirdness was always met with understanding, no questions asked. It was almost as if they knew everything.  
  
"Think about the porcelain pig! Think about your time machine!" Phil shouted, finally causing the attention to be off Dil for a moment.  
  
"Phil, why'd the porcelain pig want to make him hurt someone?" Dan asked.  
  
"Because he loves it so much. He has to expel the energy." Phil claimed, and Dan rolled his eyes.  
  
Dil however wasn't thinking about the porcelain pig or Summer -as much as he couldn't think of her anyway .Instead, he channeled all his frustration, confusion, and pressure Dan and Phil had caused in the last 24 hours they had been with him. Channeling it into the next few punches, the bag finally started to move from the impacts.  
  
The longer he hit the bag, the better Dil felt. It was nice to release his aggression and he slowly started to feel the weight of the world lift off his shoulders. Finally, Dil was ready to make one last punch.  
  
"FOR POPPY!" He shouted jokingly, and hit the bag as hard as he could. The punching bag swayed for a moment from the impact.  
  
The three "Howlters" just stood there. Dan and Phil stared at Dil, all of them a little shocked. Dil looked at the bag, and noticed a small dent in the fabric right before it puffed back to original shape, and he couldn't help but smile.  
  
"Dil..." Dan started, shock still affecting his voice, "That was INCREDIBLE!"  
  
"Wicked punch, son!" Phil cheered, and Dil couldn't help but smile as he put away his boxing gloves. Despite all their craziness, he couldn't deny that they were the most encouraging weirdos he had ever met.  
  
"So what do you want to do now, Dily?" Phil asked as they left the side room. "Run on the treadmill, wrestle some gym-goers, maybe take a Zumba class?"  
  
"What's Zumba?" Dil asked, to which Phil responded by demonstrating the bit he knew.  
  
As Phil subsequently tripped over his own feet attempting to replicate his Zumba experiences, Dan cut in. "It's dancing exercise."  
  
"Ooooooh. Wow, you guys have some silly names for stuff." He laughed as Dan and Phil shared a look of amusement. The moment was short lived as Dan took out his phone to look at the time.  
  
"How about we get the heck out of here so Dil can go to bed? It's already 2:40! What are all these people still doing at gym?" Dan asked, taking over parental duties.  
  
"Well, there's a promotional thing Don is trying to push: the all night gym. That way he can catch the early birds at whatever time they decide to work out." Dil explained.  
  
"How do you know that, Dil?" Phil asked, to which Dil responded by pointing at a poster near the end of the stairwell he had been reading off of. "Oh. Okay then."

  
"Dil, go have a shower and then we'll head home." Dan decided, and the trio went upstairs towards the changing rooms.  
  
"Oh god, have I ever told you about my changing room horror story?" Phil asked.  
  
"I think so-"  
  
"No! What story?" Dil asked, incredibly excited.  
  
Phil laughed, "Alright so you know how sometimes you'll go to the gym, and everyone in the changing room is naked?"  
  
"Can I stop you?" Dan asked, slightly embarrassed at the conversation.  
  
"Too late! So I went to the gym for an entire summer," Phil continued,  "and when I had to get to my locker, there was just a naked man with his legs between where my locker was. And I was like 'Hey..can you, um...shuffle to the left?'"  
  
"Like can you please just move? I need my stuff." Dil interjected, which Dan laughed at.  
  
"Yeah basically. It was very...unpleasant," Phil finished.  
  
Dil clapped his hands together, turning towards the showers. "Okay, well now that I'm slightly traumatized, I'm going to go shower. You two stay out here."  
  
"I mean it's not like we're going to follow you in." Dan retorted, as Dil smirked.  
  
"We'll be right here, Dilly." Phil interjected and Dil laughed.  
  
"Okaaay, Dads." He turned and went into the shower, and moments later, the two Brits could hear the water running.  
  
"I'm so proud of him." Dan remarked, a smile on his face.  
  
"He's doing really well."  
  
"Yeah! Like he's working out, being social. He's definitely doing better than we were at his age."  
  
"His age?"  
  
"I mean whatever his age could be. He’s definitely got to be younger than us. I just think-"  
  
"Hey, what's that noise?" Phil interrupted, and the pair quieted down. Through the shower door- slightly quieted by the fan and beating water- was a noise...a melodic noise. Dan and Phil snuck closer to the door to hear it better and we're finally able to make out words.  
  
"Cleaning off the sweat after an intense workout, dum dum dum. Met a new friend I wanna learn more about, doo doo doo."  
  
"Oh my god, Phil! He sings in the shower!" Dan whispered excitedly.  
  
"Aww that's adorable!" He whispered back. "Although he seems to be as good as us." Dan shrugged in agreement and they went back to listening.  
  
"My dads in town, no longer alone. I could really go for an ice cream cone. Doo doo bwow!"  
  
"But you just worked out!" Dan protested, but was met with an incredulous look from Phil. "He doesn’t want to gain back all the weight he lost."  
  
"Fiiiiiine." Phil agreed and went to sit back down. Dan followed him, and sat next to him. "Hey Dan?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"How are we going to get home?" Dan's face drained of color, but he kept his voice calm.  
  
"I think we're just going to have to attempt to follow closely to Dil. I mean, I don't know what else we could do."  
  
Before they could finish their conversation, Dil emerged from the shower, fully dressed in his everyday clothing.  
  
"Hey guys! Ready to head home?" He asked, and Dan and Phil nodded. "Cool! Come on!"  
  
Dil led the pair outside of the gym where a taxi was waiting for them.  
  
"Dil when did you-"  
  
"I called when I was getting changed in the bathroom. Figured it would be better then walking home at night. Besides, Willow Creek has a pretty good taxi system, so why not take advantage of it?"  
  
"It'll sure beat walking all the way back." Phil mentioned, and the three piled into the back seat. Squished together again, Dil was starting to feel a little anxious again.  
  
"So when we go home, you should go straight to bed, Dil. We kept you up so late last night-"  
  
"We still have that bill to pay." Phil interrupted, and Dan threw his hands up. Or he tried to, considering how constricted the back seat was.  
  
"Way to hit us with reality, Phil!"  
  
"I'm sorry, it has to happen."  
  
"Bloody hell. Well fine. I guess we'll pay the bills tonight."  
  
"And I'll need some food." Dil spoke up, and Dan's face drained its color.  
  
"YOU DIDN'T HAVE DINNER!" Dan practically yelled, and the partition rolled up, slightly embarrassing him. He forgot that they weren't just alone in the car. "Alright, we'll have dinner and you'll do your taxes and then you'll go to bed. Sound reasonable?"  
  
"Yeah." Dil agreed.  
  
"Sounds about right." Phil seconded as they finally pulled up in front of Dil's house. Dil pulled out some spare change and handed them to the driver before the trio exited the car. Dil unlocks the door and they go inside the house.  
  
"I'm going to go pay the bills in my room, you two set dinner up, okay?"  
  
"You can count on us, Dil!" Dan exclaims, and with a smile, Dil returns to his room as Dan and Phil go to the kitchen.  
  
"Alright Phil, what do we have in the fridge that we could make Dil?"  
  
Phil opened the fridge, but it was still mostly empty. "There's not much."  
  
"Have you checked the cupboards and freezer?" Dan asked, and Phil rummaged for food.  
  
"Oh okay! So we have microwaveable dinners and desserts, and I found a few packets of oatmeal." Phil smiled proudly.  
  
"Okay well let's give him this microwave dinner-"  
  
"Oatmeal." Phil interrupted as Dan started to grab the microwave dinner. Dan glared at him, annoyed. "Oh come on, it's like 4 am."  
  
"He hasn't eaten today other than eggs on toast." Dan argued.  
  
"But he can't eat a dinner at 4 am."  
  
"He hasn't had anything. You can just give him eggs on toast and then oatmeal on the day he's done the most-"  
  
"Alright microwave pastry." Phil argued, picking up the dessert box.  
  
"The weird chocolate thing? No!"  
  
"Alright alright, microwave dinner." Phil finally relented, handing the box to Dan.  
  
"Thank you." Dan quipped, throwing the meal into the microwave. "Glad my lawyer skills still come in handy."  
  
The pair was silent for a little bit as dan watched the microwave and Phil put some of the remaining food away. "It wasn't a chocolate thing, it was the heart of a stag." Phil mentioned, and Dan rolled his eyes.  
  
"I'm pretty sure it was a...yup! A chocolate fondant with a raspberry jus." Dan read off the box, a defiant smile on his face.  
  
"That's a fancy microwave pudding." Phil said, surprised, taking it from Dan and putting it in the freezer as the the microwave bell dinged. Soon after, Dil entered the kitchen, a smile still on his face.  
  
"Hey Dil! We made you a microwave dinner. Figured it'd be just enough to tide you over until breakfast." Phil explained, and Dil grabbed his supper.  
  
"Thanks, pops!" Dil responded. Phil grabbed the bag of popcorn he was munching on earlier and the trio made their way to the living room. The radio was playing easy listening music, and everyone got comfy at their seats. "Do you guys want to watch anything before bed?"  
  
"I mean, I would love to, but we probably shouldn't. You don't want to get sucked into a show before you go to bed." Phil responds as Dan nods in agreement.  
  
"Yeah besides," he adds, "don't you have work tomorrow?"  
  
"Oh yeah, you do!" Phil realizes as Dil slumps in his seat.  
  
"I guess we won't watch more TV then."  
  
"That's the spirit, Dil!" Dan encouraged. He went to grab another handful of popcorn when he noticed the small smile pulling at Dil's lips. "You're in a really good mood today." Dan mentioned.  
  
"Yeah, you're smiling!" Dil put another bite of his dinner in his mouth and the covered it with his hand. "Oh come on, Dil! We know you're happy."  
  
Dil released his hand and sighed. "Yeah, fine. I'm happy." He playfully rolled his eyes, still somewhat embarrassed from his parents slight teasing. "It's just been a good day." He turned around and mumbled under his breath "Mostly." But Dan and Phil didn't notice.  
  
"Yeah, it has been! And going to the gym has made you possibly the happiest you've been!" Dan proclaims. "We should go again!"  
  
"I mean, we can see how I'm feeling after work." Dil argues, finishing his food. "Are you guys done with the popcorn. I'll put it away while I clean up."  
  
"Yeah, thanks Dil." Dan smiled appreciatively before standing up. "This'll give me and Phil a chance to change into pajamas." Dil nodded as he entered the kitchen, and Dan entered Dil's room.  
  
From the hallway, Phil called inside, "It's Phil and I, Dan."  
  
"Oh come on! Phil and I, me and Phil. What does it matter. You know what I meant. Who cares if it's proper grammar or not."  
  
Dan exited and Phil entered. "I was just pointing out-"  
  
"So Sims right? We're still in here. The game I mean." Dan interrupted, hijacking the conversation.  
  
"And we've managed to not mess up our in 24 hours!"  
  
"More like 36 now. It's almost 5 am Phil!" Dan noticed. Phil swung open the door, his eyes wide.  
  
"Almost 5 am! DIL!" Phil yells, and Dil walks into the hallway.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Do you know what time it is?" Phil asked. Dil looked sheepish and shook his head "no."  
  
"It's almost 5 am, Dil. Time for bed." Dan said calmly, and Dil's eyes went wide.  
  
"Oh wow! Time flies I guess. I'll just help set up your sofa again and-"  
  
"Nope! Go to bed now mister." Phil practically pushed Dil into his room. "You need your sleep."  
  
"Yeah, you don't want us to wake you up tomorrow morning." Dan laughed.  
  
"Okaaaay. Night dads." Dil called as Phil started to close the door.  
  
"Goodnight Dil!" Dan called.  
  
"Go to sleep, go to sleep. Go to sleep little Dilly-" Phil started to sing his version of the Brahms Lullaby, but was yanked out of the door frame by Dan. "Night!" He called and they closed the door to Dil's room.  
  
"That was weird, Phil." Dan stated, walking back into the living room and shutting off the radio.  
  
"We’re weird. It works." Phil laughed as the pair started to set up their sofa bed.  
  
"So I'm just going to put this out there, but this was probably the most successful day of his life." Dan said, tucking the sheet into the sofa.  
  
"I mean, it might be debatable whether or not it was actually successful."  
  
"Oh come on, Phil. We bonded as a family, he chose to go to the gym. We dug for fossils and found a weird creepy toy in a weird locked thing. It was super successful."  
  
Phil rolled his eyes as he got the comforter into place. "I guess. I mean, he was pretty happy the whole time. That should count for something."  
  
"It just goes to show that you don't need to try to impress people through house parties. You don't need to try to fit in or flirt with people. No, what matters is doing what you want, being enthusiastic about what you want to do, and someday, everything will come into place." Dan proclaimed, his voice getting slightly loud, but full of pride.  
  
"Like Tabitha?" Phil whispered, not wanting Dil to hear.  
  
"Like Tabitha." Dan agreed, lowering his voice. They let a few seconds pass before Phil responded.  
  
"Wow, that was so inspirational I almost cried." Phil then traced an invisible tear down his cheek. "A single tear."  
  
Dan laughed, followed by Phil. "Way to ruin my big epic speech, Phil!" Dan accused, settling into the finished makeshift bed.  
  
Phil turned off the light and climbed into his side of the couch bed. "It was worth it. Goodnight, Dan!" He called.  
  
"Goodnight, you knucklehead." Dan responded, and their room grew quiet. All was still in the living room, but the bedroom was a different story as Dil stared, wide awake, at the ceiling.  
  
But despite the proud whispers that had come from the living room, Dil felt conflicted. His mind was whirling with millions of thoughts.

  
"They care, but they're assuming so much. What if I can never live up to whatever future they're imagining for me? What if I do something wrong and they leave? Would....would that really be a bad thing?"  
  
Did sighed and turned over onto his side, wishing for sleep. "Is it bad that I have to ask if that's a bad thing? I mean...it's...I liked my life before. I understood that but...I finally know my family. I finally have parents. I should be happy. I am happy....I was happy before right? Am I more happy now?"  
  
Those thoughts floated in his mind before Dil finally drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know if you liked it or not, and I'll see you guys in a few days!


	8. Welcome to the Shit Post!

Hi! Welcome to the first shitpost bonus chapter of Dan and Phil Live: Sims 4! Why is this called a shitpost chapter?

 

Because it's 100% not canonical.

 

There are some things in Sims I can't explain; usually, it's a weird phenomenon that happened and doesn't go with the rest of the story I'm trying to tell, or it's something that would totally mess up the story, but doesn't affect the Sims themselves.

 

However, I have problems if I know I completely left something out of the story soooooo that's why this is here.

 

As is why most bonus chapters are here. Yeah, I'm not sure how much you guys like the PJ chapters but they definitely make me feel better knowing I filled in a gap. Plus I like PJ, he's a cool guy and he's close with Dan and Phil...let me know if there are other YouTubers you'd like me to try to add. I'll see what I can do.

 

But that's not important right now! Without a further ado: ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

 

............

 

...........

 

............HOW DO I START A SHITPOST CHAPTER?

 

............

 

............

 

..........how do you write a shitpost chapter?

 

.............

 

.......HEY EDITOR!

 

"Lol, you said ‘filled in a gap’, ha!”

 

You little bitch, that wasn’t important!

 

“But it is to me, and it is important when you’re writing a shitpost! AYYYYYY!”

 

Wow, its as if you knew what I needed help with except you obviously didn’t cause I haven’t told you yet!

 

“What can I say, I’m pretty magical. Like that sailor from space. You know. Sailor Lunar or whatever.”

 

Yes, yes you are. So how do you write a shitpost chapter?

 

“That is an excellent question, thank you Madison from Wisconsin for sending it in. Let Dr. Editor take you to school! Mr. Editor was my father’s name. Call me Professor Dr. Editor, PHD in KICKASS! But that’s MR. Professor Dr. Editor to you. Anyway, there’s lots of moving parts and components to a shitpost. Have you ever considered how a shitpost is much like a clock?“

 

No I have never considered that! How do you mean?

 

“Well, all the moving pieces need to fit together.”

 

…...You stole that from something.

 

“The  _ Incredibles _ , but that’s another key component for writing a shitpost: make references without saying what the reference is and hope someone gets it.”

 

….But you said the reference-

 

“MOVING ON! It’s like a clock! All the pieces have to fit together and I’m not BS-ing with that. It’s a real thing that I will now explain with my BEAUTIFUL charts and graphs set up our luxurious studio for their viewing pleasu-”

 

No, no this isn’t viewed...its just words online.

 

“EXACTLY! We don’t have to make them! But SHHHH that’s a secret. NOW AS YOU CAN SEE BY THESE GRAPHS, FOCUS GROUPS REALLY REALLY TEND TO DIG THE FACT THAT SHITPOSTS ARE FUNNY.”

 

...So is this funny?

 

“I don’t know, I MEAN YES! PRObabLY….YEAH!”

 

(awkward silence) SO I HAVE ASKED YOU HERE FOR ONE SPECIFIC PURPOSE!

 

“Yeah, you sure asked me here. You didn’t just...show up.”

 

YUP! I teleported into here. 

 

“Wow! Cool! Can I see you’re  _ Star Trek Into Darkness _ tech?”

 

NOPE! Anyway, I am here because there’s a scene in-

 

“DIL GETS PHYSICAL, PHYSICAL. DIL GETS PHYSICAL, PHYSICAL!”

 

Nice, man.

 

“The episode is called Dil gets physical if that wasn’t clear.”

 

I think it was, but thanks for the clarification. Anyway, so this episode is basically just chapter 2 of my stor-

 

“WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT! How much have I edited? And you’re only on Chapter 2 of the story!?”

 

Well technically, it’ll be chapter 3 by the time it’s online….did you really not know this?

 

“No! I thought we were on chapter 3 or 4. How many bonus chapters are there?”

 

Well if you count the prologue-

 

“Which  _ I guess _ I do.”

 

-then there’s been 3.

 

“3 chapters?”

 

No, 3 Bonus chapters.

 

“Oh my god. My head is literally in my hands now.”

 

As a person with eyes and a visual understand of time and space, I see that.

 

“But wait B, I haven’t told you the last key component to making a shitpost yet!”

 

OH NO! Professor Dr. Editor, PHD in Kickass! WHat am I missing!!?!?!?

 

“That’s MR. Professor Dr. Editor to YOU. And what you are missing that some of that wacky, good, South Park brand humor. You know, some of that raunchy shit. 10 outta 10- OH NO MY FIDGET SPINNER!”

 

EDITOR! HOW DARE YOU DROP YOUR FIDGET SPINNER AND THEN FORCE ME TO INCLUDE IT IN OUR BANTER!

 

“We’re keeping it topical! Keeping it relevant to them teens. Gotta keep hittin’ that good demographic! Get those 4-year olds into that good Dan and Phil slow burn smut.”

 

HEY HEY HEY! You can’t call it that!

 

“Then what would you call it? You already did the fake marriage troupe.”

 

I did not-

 

“They have a kid, what did you think was gonna happen?.....SPOILERS  _ I GUESS _ ?”

 

…...you’re being really sassy. Go sit in your corner.

 

“We’re in the void of writing! There are no corners!”

 

DON’T MAKE ME WRITE US INTO A CORNER TO MAKE YOU SIT IN IT!

 

“You wouldn’t dare!”

 

TRY ME!

 

(angry grumbles as the Editor goes and sits in his corner, complete with a cute little stool that he’s too big for cause hahaha)

 

Well...I think I have enough to write a shitpost chapter. ENJOY!

 

************************************************************************

 

Dil and Eliza had gotten to the top of the stairs and Dil looked out the window watching his dads with convenient binoculars he didn’t know he had.

 

"Eliza, what am I going to do? They've been following me all day."

 

Eliza turned to Dil, eyes wide, and screeched "I smell like doo-doo."

 

This caused Dil to smell himself for the first time in the hour. He almost vomited. "OH MY GOD! I smell like doo-doo too!"

 

"This is such a crazy turn of events!" cried Eliza, throwing herself on a nearby grand piano like a princess.

 

"I know, I mean who would've thought that by working out you would end up smelling bad!" Dil flailed around like a wet sardine. After a few moments of awkward flailing, Eliza’s head shot up, and she spoke with a tone of conviction.

 

"Well there is one thing we can do." She paused for dramatic tension, causing Dil to almost explode...with anticipation. "We can……………………………………..................take a shower."

 

Dil held his hands out, "Woah, hey. Calm down, I just met you. And this is crazy But-"

 

Eliza’s eye roll interrupted Dil."Don't be an idiot."

 

"Is it idiotic to believe that we need soap and shampoo and conditioner and also a towel to properly shower?" Dil asked and Eliza rolled her eyes again.

 

"Yes. When have you ever used those physical things?"

 

"Hey don't break that fourth wall! My dads will see us if you do." Dil yelled as the front wall of the gym crumbled away. "Aw man, see what you did there?"

 

"They weren't there anymore anyway. Now let's shower." Eliza and Dil marched towards the rooms labeled "showers" and initially went for separate ones. However, before Dil got there, he realized that he really wanted to not be in his shower, like a normal person, and snuck towards Eliza's shower room. 

 

"Hehehe, this'll really spook her!" He thought, and flung open the door. "BOO! IMMA DEMON! RAWR!"

 

Eliza gasped, but she was completely covered in her oversized towel. "OH DIL! How could you walk in like this! Now I must show you the terrifying power I have!"

 

Eliza spun like Wonder Woman, and suddenly her towel was gone, revealing her everyday outfit. Dil watched wide eyed. "OH DIL! IMMA MONSTER!" She cried, throwing herself into the corner. Dil, feeling unsure of what to do with himself, striped and stepped into the shower. As the Llama corp shower rained down on him, Eliza kept yelling "I'm not human" over and over again. 

 

Finally, she left with no explanation, and Dil got out of the shower. Before he could go anywhere, Dan and Phil burst in, and Dil cried "Oh shit! It's my two dads!"

 

"Damn straight it is!" Dan yelled. "We have come from the house despite great perils."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Like badgers!" Phil included.

 

"And hedgehogs!" Dan added.

 

"AND ANIMATRONIC EVIL SCARY DEMONS!" They cried at the same time.

 

"Um I've never heard of those things before." Dil stated.

 

"Um that's because you're a Sim." Phil commented, to Dil’s confusion.

 

"I'm a wot?"

 

Then, the Attack on Titan theme song started playing, and Dan got out his phone and turned it onto speaker. "PJ! HELLO!"

 

"HELLO FRIEND DAN! I must ask a question."

 

"ASK AWAY FRIEND!" Dan responded, and PJ drew in a deep breath.

 

"What is scary about jam?" In the background, there were terrified screams. "OH COME ON! Next you'll tell me you're scared of Mogwiis!" 

 

Don, fidgeting insanely, yelled in a terrified tone "MOGWORLD! Wait. What?". 

 

PJ shook his head. “This is unbelievable. Is there an actual issue?"

 

"No, none at all! They're being silly." Phil responded calmly, as if he was about to be given to Satan.

 

PJ sighed angrily, "Then why doesn't EA have jam for my toast?"

 

Don responded in the background of the phone call, "We don't have jam, but we do have Yahtzee! We ONLY have Yahtzee." 

 

PJ sighed. "Well it won't make my toast taste better but it will improve my mental bar. Toodles." And PJ was gone. Suddenly, Dan and Phil realized Dil had left, but he was only outside the door, laughing as Eliza did push-ups.

 

"You silly bean, you just showered! Why exercise now?"

 

"Why not?" Eliza asked, eyes burrowing deep into Dil's chest.

 

"True....." Dil held out. Then Eliza made eye contact with Dan and Phil. Simultaneously.

 

"You two should kiss." Eliza said, and a group of girls who teleported to that spot immediately cheered in agreement. The entire gym has started cheering, "KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS!" Dan and Phil, saying nothing, turn to each other and look at each other and then they...

 

......Dil woke up. He didn't remember falling asleep. It was a weird dream he had just now. And then he went back to bed.

 

**THE END**

 

************************************************************************

 

So editor! How’d I do?

 

“ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯”

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN *SHRUG*?

 

“I mean a lot of that didn’t make sense, even if it was a dream. Plus a lot of it was references no one will get. I’m all for shitposts - a connoisseur in fact - but there’s gotta be a line somewhere.”

 

…..but dear editor….was my story not absurd? Was I not referential? Have I been nothing but UTTERLY PLEASANT throughout my entire rendition of DIL’S MIND EXPLORED!?

 

“There’s a fine line between absurd humor (shitposts) and that wacky XD lolz random humor we all know and tolerate-”

 

ZAP! *Beam of light causes the editor to be vaporized. Nothing is left behind.* That’s what you get for questioning me.

 

Anyway guys, thank you for sticking with me for this, and, as my editor pointed out,  I know it was weird & “lolz random.” But to be serious for a minute, there are times I go through really bad writer’s block and times when I decide to do a big thing (such as the 3 chapter special) and I ultimately take 5 months doing it instead of 1. (Just for clarification, PJ took me 2-3 months, the shitpost took me 2 weeks (to get my editor to look at it, it took a day to write), and the end of chapter 2 took me 4 months. In that time, I felt the call of adventure and left the country on an exciting undercover mission to China. Fun fact about China, if you have a VPN, you can access incredibly slow wifi. Slow wifi meant I couldn't watch Dan and Phil to finish the chapter and I ended up there for a little over a month. That also didn't help.)

 

The truth is that the entire story is (technically) planned out. I know where I want it to go and how I want it to end. And while I know all my focus (in relation to the story) should be on writing the main chapters, I'd burn myself out and never reach the end. Bonus chapters give me a chance to give myself a break and refocus on what I want to do, especially since I apparently don’t believe in major time gaps in the story for some reason.

 

Taking a chapter/month to go off the walls insane or even just stepping away from the Sims world for a second like I do with PJ is really helpful. And while I know I don’t have to explain myself (you guys have been super chill with all the things I’ve put you through), I wanted to give you an idea of why I’ll sometimes have a bonus chapter that is just lolz random. Besides, I have a few more ideas for some bonus chapters that aren’t “shiposts” and maybe…. _ ongoing _ (not quite sure yet).

 

 

I'm going to go and start writing Chapter 3 so I can try to probably post it at the end of October or the middle of November. Depends on how easy it gets to write and whenever my editor has time to edit it all. You know, when he has time to return to his previous form....hopefully that doesn't take too long.

 

Stay cool, ma dudes, and I’ll see ya in the next one. Take care! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! More coming really really soon!


End file.
